So I guess it must be from never having this sort of temptation before, but I get the incredible cravings for more and I keep getting choked up. Like cant talk or I'll end up crying.

This post is at two pages now. I missed your last two posts. I was responding to the post you did about your friends drinking a lot.

I am not sure what you mean when you said that you have never had that sort of temptation before. Is it because you are cutting back and feeling like you need more? If so, that is normal. Our bodies get used to a certain amount of alcohol. When we cut back or out, it affects us. Not only physically, mentally and emotionally as well. I wouldn't try to hold back the need to cry. There is nothing wrong with crying and it will release some of the crap you have inside. You will feel better if you give yourself permission to experience these emotions and deal with them. Picking up another drink is just going to keep them bottled up inside (no pun intended).

Also, try to understand that this process is never easy for any alcoholic. It is kind of like a tough love thing we have to do with ourselves when we refuse to give in to those temptations like we have been doing (many of us for years and decades). Think of it like this...if someone learns that he is diabetic, the last thing he needs is to reach for a cookie. It will probably not kill him. But for a diabetic to continue to put his hand in the cookie jar and eat one cookie after another, yes that will probably kill him eventually. You are trying to save your life. I understand what your doctor told you and the need to taper off alcohol rather than do the cold turkey thing. That to me is more difficult a thing to do because, at least for me and the way I drank, I never had that much self control. That's why you really have to use what you can to help you fight the urge to drink as much as you were drinking and continue tapering off the stuff. You are learning what those things are (meetings, this board for support, candy to help fight the cravings, reading the Big Book, etc.). Once you stop relying on the instinctual urge to drink alcohol to help you get through rough spots and uncomfortable feelings and emotions like the one you described, and become willing to use the other resources available to you it will become easier for you to resist the urge to drink. Those uncomfortable feelings will fade in time. Your head will become clearer because the alcohol is leaving your system and you can be who you really are meant to be rather than being a person controlled by alcohol and what it makes you.

Don't forget those phone#'s you got in your pocket ... use them if you get the 'cravings' ... plus the candy ... get'n off alcohol is worth gain'n a few pounds ... you can always lose the pounds after you're comfortable in your own skin again ...

I would feel weird calling someone random.. I would be at the mercy of my team. We are all in a big van.

I called the number on the Intergroup book with the meetings/times a couple of times when I was new and too afraid to call anyone who had given me their number. I broke down in sobs and was so embarrassed at first. Then I felt so much better for doing so. It helped me.

What a great idea to be the designated driver! And juice for the party is a plus too. (And I couldn't feel my butt either for a long while that's because all the alcoholic was kicking the He** out of it!
Yeah, my mind was telling me I maybe wasn't an alcoholic for the longest time. People in AA will say...."That's the disease talking, so you'll drink again." I of course cannot speak for you, but from what you described, it sounds like you are right to be concerned. If the people around you are drinkers--and not just those people who just drink 1 or 2, which I really don't understand--you probably do seem "fine" to them. When I was drinking and drunk off my ass, all the other drunks around mean seemed "fine" too. It is hard for one drunk to be objective about another drunk.

You are wise to just 'listen' at your first few meet'ns ... this will give you a 'feel' for the environment and also a good chance of pick'n out a good, stable, sponsor who has some good sober time in his pocket AND who seems to 'enjoy' his sobriety ... someone who openly feels free of the 'bondage' that alcohol causes ...


Pappy

Yeah, I hope you can check out some good young people's meetings after the weekend when you get back to Marquette. Let us know how the meetings on & near the campus are, okay?

I was surprised to see so many miserable looking people in AA. When I was new, I was pretty miserable too and I learned how to smile and laugh again the more I went to meetings and once I started working the Program and the Steps. I noticed that some of the same folks who were miserable earlier in my sobriety, were still miserable. Their shares sometimes contained anger at having to come to meetings the rest of their lives. I was shocked to hear them admit they really didn't want to be around "any of you sick people" in the meetings. Equally surprised when sometimes those kinds of comments got laughs. And yet they would include what others needed to do to stay sober using "you have to...." rather than "this is what I did". Well, eventually I learned to tune them out because I could see they were not happy and carefree and I really didn't want what they had.

I later learned that people who are in AA for awhile are not all happy people. They go around with frowns on their faces as if someone close to them farted or died. They are possibly dry drunks who although they may have years of sobriety, are not truly happy being that way. Although I would be nice to them just like others in the meeting, I could feel the negative energy they emitted and I would usually sit away from them. I was always glad to see them at the meetings though. I don't know what another human being is going through and what battles they are dealing with. Perhaps they are sitting beside a gaseous person all the time or maybe someone close to them did die.

I cannot honestly say that I always assume the best of people. I am learning to try harder to accept others who are different from me. I have been living with someone for almost eight years and although we have quite a few things in common, we are worlds apart in other ways. It has been one of the most difficult relationships I have ever been in and I know it has certainly not been a picnic for him either. I have learned so much about myself. My expectations are gradually beginning to change but it hasn't been easy and it has not been without me fighting almost every step of the way. I have always believed that if someone cared enough about me, they would behave a certain way and do things that would make me happy. I have used "if you care about me and this relationship enough...blah, blah, blah..." No one should have to feel like they are forced to change for anyone else. Just like no one should force a smile if they don't feel like smiling just because I think they should smile. That is me trying to control others too much. It is unfair of me. I still have trouble with it and it is that kind of thinking which caused me to drink as much and to the degree that I did. Yep, I never did get that "live and let live" thingie, but I am working on it :) :) :)

Oh man, sorry, I had to laugh Sorb, ... 'Health and Fitness' major??? ... you, more than most, should know what prolonged alcohol use does to the body ... check out what it does to the brain, and what years of use will cause ... the specific facts will scare the poop outta ya ... seriously ...

sorbsauce wrote:

---

I know I know haha ironic huh? I was at the point where I could successfully go to the gym drunk and lift weights.

---

 Hey! Are you THIS guy?  

Sorry, couldn't resist  : )

Sorry to hear about the grumpy ol' farts at your local Alano Club. Trust me, AAer's aren't all like that. When I got sober, the local Alano club where I lived was full of mohawk'd punk rockers and I would go to some really crazy underground L.A. clubs with those freaks. It was awesome. There's a group of sober skydivers out here near me. And a bunch of sober kayakers, windsurfers, drag queens, hiking clubs, artists, you name it. Stick around and check out some different meetings and I bet you'll start to find your 'tribe' pretty soon.

LOL Dave, ... that was pretty funny ...

Sorb, ...
It takes 'time' with the AA group to 'blend' in, so to speak ... AND each AA group has it's very own personality too ... it's one reason we like to check out a few groups to see which one we like the best before become'n a 'group member' ... we call it a 'home group' ...

(I went to about 700 meet'ns in my first two years ... some members would stand outside talk'n 'stock market', before and after the meet'n and the one's I liked were those who were common painters, carpenters, service dude, hard labor types ... the other group was made up of mostly lawyers, doctors, pilots, and the like ... the group can vary widely in the basic people types ... )

Oh, sounds like you're start'n your trip off with the right attitude, ... be strong, stay sober, and enjoy watch'n the others get drunk ... be sure to get some 'popcorn', cause it can be a great show all by themselves ... LOL ...

Pappy

Can't have too many Jolly Ranchers, or chocolate, that's for sure, LOL ...

Don't worry about the candy for a few weeks, ... get all the alcohol outta your system and stabilize your body functions first ... then when you're ready, the candy can drop off pretty quickly ... without all the 'withdrawal' pains ... although, I still have to have my sweets before bed, LOL ... but I'm within my 'ideal' weight range for my age ... (cancer will do that to you sometimes ... weight loss worried the docs for a while, but turned out fine ...) ...

Fair enough Pappy. Sorry about your cancer. My step mom had breast cancer but she beat it. And true Dave. I wouldn't be doing so well without talking to you guys though so I owe it to you.

You can 'pay it forward' when you get some sober time under your belt ... we do this cause someone else helped us without expect'n anything in return ... OR you can pay us back by have'n a happy sober life ... that'd make us happy ... you sound like a good kid, we only wish the best for you ... and not the screwed up mess most of us have been through ... you have a long future in front of you if you keep your head straight ... and ... we can help ...

I will absolutely pass on what you have all done for me. I wish it was easier to find sober friends. Looking at my AA meetings doesn't work too well haha. I've only been to two though and both at the same place so I'll try another place and who knows

I got our rental car towed and once we pay for the tow, we will be totally out of money. Somehow I'm not getting trashed but I'm literally the only sober one and I have to be to talk to a tow truck driver..

Glad you didn't fall asleep from drunkenness! Sailing got postponed. It's snowing here.. got a whopping 3 hours of sleep and we don't have food for breakfast. This weekend sucks haha

Sailing is second nature for most of us so even drunk it's easily doable. Plus they are only 12 footers or so. It's 29 degrees, 30 knots, and snowing. Half of the fleet is opting out for the day so only the idiots are going sailing haha. I'm staying by the fire with coffee. I parked in a poorly marked tow away zone. No one saw the sign. At 3 am we had to take a taxi across town to get the car. I owe the team $120 now

It's alright. Sailing got canceled due to hypothermia and the rigging on the boats wasn't rated for this wind so lines were breaking. Headed to a bar for burgers and Redwings game. Don't worry I'll order a ginger ale haha I haven't had any candy today and I feel sick

Lol. It was huge and delicious. And the Redwings lost but made it into the playoffs for the 25th year in a row. I've been dizzy and slightly nauseous all day and I'm not sure why

Yeah, ... your body is confused to the change in diet ... LTR mentioned something that helped me some, and that is those herbal teas ... there are some that assist with detox and help flush all the bad shit outta your system ... might try some of that stuff ... all you gotta do is boil some water and let the tea steep for a couple minutes ... and the hot liquid usually has a 'calming effect' on the body ... (I always added some sugar to mine ...) ...

Hope you feel better soon ...

Oh, one more thing...if you decide to try the teas I mentioned, read the instructions. Unlike some other teas, these are not made to drink one cup after the other.
And no, this is not a paid endorsement for them....LOL.

I got 7th out of 13. Beat MSU, Ohio State, Texas state, and a few other smaller universities. Now a 12 hour drive home.. does quitting alcohol hurt your immune system? I'm definitely sick. Sore throat and just plain exhausted.

Drinking excessively weakens the immune system. Quitting for me made me feel more aches and pains long after the alcohol was out of my system. I thought it was because the alcohol was numbing pain that I would have normally felt had I not been a heavy drinker.
The sore throat...hmmmm....I don't remember having that after quitting. Exhaustion, yes. You could have picked up a bug somewhere in your traveling, mingling with others. There are all kinds of viruses going around and you may have something unrelated to abstaining from alcohol. Fall in love with orange juice if it doesn't burn your throat too much. That is supposed to be great for cold/flu like symptoms.
I hope you are feeling better soon and have a safe and good trip back to your home. Oh, and congratulations on your race.

That's the thinking you should have....the last part of what you said. Also I am not as focused on the "day count" as much as I was. After I relapsed, I was beating myself up so much on what I used to have and "lost" and not on what I actually have as far as days sober, and the guilt was causing me to want to drink again. ("I already blew it--may as well drink again"; "Everybody thinks I am a loser, I have nothing to lose anymore--damn a drink sounds good"...that kind of thinking.) A newcomer who I so desperately tried to help came up to me and asked me two different times...."how many days of sobriety have you managed to string together?" Very humiliating for me. (The second time she asked, I told her that my sobriety time was between me and my God.)

Now, I focus not so much on days sober...I focus on living a life free of the bondage of alcohol. I remind myself how much better I feel physically and mentally. And I focus on God and how grateful I am to Him that He has given me another chance to live today in a more meaningful, true to myself lifestyle rather than a self-destructive one. Day counts and chips and hand-clapping from other AA'ers was very important to me in the beginning. I made them so important that it was so embarrassing to pick up another chip because of the guilt and shame I felt and worrying about what others thought of me, the "friends" I lost because I picked up again.

Now I realize that I had placed more significance on that piece of plastic and people pleasing than I did on what is most important....and that is just not to drink the damn stuff because I don't want it to kill me!

You sound like I did....I didn't care if drinking killed me and I was at the point I wished it would hurry up and do it. I think most all alcoholics are dealing with deep depression and we drink trying to feel better. Alcohol--being a depressant--doesn't really work. Sure we get all giddy and silly at first, but I noticed after a short while of drinking, I started getting down and my mind starting remembering all the crap which made me want to drink in the first place.

You will see, that the longer you are sober, the better you feel. Not just physically--mentally as well--and those thoughts that you have about not wanting to be around should go away. If they don't then you should go see your doctor. I am so very sorry for your loss. I know that must have been very difficult. Yes, you keep counting days. I wasn't trying to suggest you not do that. It did really help me when I was new.

You have people in a vehicle passing wine bottles around???? Oh me. Well, been there done that. You all be careful and thank God the driver is not driving. Hope a cop doesn't pull you over, because at least in my state, any open container of alcohol in a vehicle can land the driver in jail. I am not sure about the passengers.

I am not sure what you mean by "pick on"--do you mean they are teasing you? If so, try to let all that childish stuff go in one ear and out the other. Shame college can be so much like high school. Sad to say, some people around my age are like that. Always usually a sign of insecurity and when there is a group, they just go along for fear of not being the target.

You hang in there.

-- Edited by leavetherest on Sunday 10th of April 2016 08:40:38 PM

As of now I'm kind of choked up. Like I could cry but I'm in a car full of people. If I had it I would probably be fine with just drinking myself to death but I have no way of getting any alcohol so don't worry

I think I would want to cry myself if I was going through what you are now. Try to keep in mind that your emotions are going to be all over the place for awhile and sometimes you won't even be able to come up with a reason why you are down--you'll just feel like crap. That's part of the detoxing. It does not last but so long and you will get through it.

And please don't let those obnoxious people get you down. They are not worth it. YOU ARE! So you need to try and get your mind on positive thoughts that make you feel better about yourself. You sound like a really great person and I am sure you can come up with so many reasons why you want and need to stick around.

-- Edited by leavetherest on Sunday 10th of April 2016 09:24:42 PM

If you can find, and get involved in a good AA group close to your same age, it'll do you a world of good ... these are the types that'll become 'life-long' friends if you open up and allow it to happen ... 'common people with a common goal' ... they won't 'shame' you into drink'n when you don't want to drink ... Be strong my friend ...

AND, I hope you return in one piece ...

 

Love ya man and God Bless,

Pappy

 

 

-- Edited by Pythonpappy on Monday 11th of April 2016 03:23:24 PM