Hello Richard, and welcome to the board. I assure that your experience is typical. At points in time, we all could quit for a month or two (later this didn't seem possible). Usually things, health, feeling of well being etc.. improved and we forgot why we stopped drinking. The reasons why are complicated, and the average alcoholic doesn't know what they are up against, in regards to the forces that drive us back to drinking. What the two founders of AA discovered was that a spiritual and psychic change needed to come about, in order for the recovering person to lose the obsession to drink. It's a two fold illness. A obsession coupled with a developed allergy to alcohol. Like a diabetic that can't stop ingesting sugar. Eventually it's fatal. And with alcoholics it's progressive. Reading the "Big Book" will greatly add to your understanding of this physical/mental malady and help you to sort out where you're at, in regards to this disease. Of course we'll also suggest getting to a few AA meetings, by searching for them in your location via google. A speakers meeting is always a good start. Here's a link to the online big book for your reading pleasure. Good luck, and stick around and ask as many questions as you can.

http://www.aa.org/bigbookonline/en_tableofcnt.cfm

Welcome. Go to AA meetings and read the doctors opinion in the Alcoholics Anonymous book. This will help to diagnose whether you are a real alcoholic. The book describes three types of drinkers.
The moderate drinker, is able to stop altogether with little or no problem.
The heavy drinker is also able to moderate his drinking or stop altogether, sometimes with the help of a doctor.
A real alcoholic is not able to stop once he has taken the 1st drink. Also he is not able to stay away from the 1st drink because of an overwhelming obsession of the mind.

WELCOME,Glad you showed up here,suggestions and others experience,strength and hope will be abundant.Stick around,,WE need you.....

"I feel so naieve."

I was so naieve myself...I didn't know and didn't know that I didn't know about alcoholism and myself.  Like some others it took me two trips and a long time to come to understand about alcoholism and myself and first the very first first was I had to find a way to stop putting alcohol in my system obviously, I came to understand that when I was altered by the chemical I couldn't have any assets to work with and get the results I needed and then I also would lapse into the guilt, shame, confusion, loss of self esteem along with the realization that I needed help from others who knew, knew that they knew and were willing to pass that one to me.  My responsibility was to get to them and ask, "Can you please help me?" That behavior and question was always returned with a yes...on condition that you don't drink before we start...while we're helping...and after the ESH has been passed to you.

You've made the start...came to where there are years and years of sobriety with many more people, places and meetings available to you. Part of that is the face to face meeting rooms of AA.  Your responsibility is to get there and get there as early as you can.   Basics?  Go early, Find your seat, Sit down; all the way down, Listen with an open mind (open mind means no other voices in your head discounting or judging what you are hearing...you don't know what we know), Learn and then Practice what the sober alcoholic is doing...Big Book, Steps, Traditions, Slogans, Sponsors, All of it and most important a Power Greater than your own pride and ego.   There you go...the basics.  Go to the White Pages of your local telephone book and look up the hotline number for AA in your area...call that number for the meeting places and times of the meetings and get rid of any distraction...including fear of going...which would keep you from us. 

As has already been mentioned...ours is a fatal disease and we loose our sanity before we die.  Your discription of how you're trying to conquer a drinking situation that already has conquered you and also get all the great things in life others have sounds insane...you've got that one already and alcoholism is a progressive disease...progress on to death unless you value your life and meaning more than that.

Welcome to MIP...a great tool with men and women with awesome ESH that when I do with it as I have suggested you do with it (above) keeps this alcoholic sober, joyous, free and of value to others.

Keep coming back...thanks for the humility and honesty...I always need those lessons.

Jerry F.