I've been doing alot of praying. I am being overcome with urges to get all messed up. It sounds so good right now. God help me. I was at a 1st step meeting yesterday after battling this obsession all day long. I was actually praying during the meeting, God please!!! Take these thoughts from my mind. There is a huge part of me that wants to get drunk and high. I'm really struggling right now! I'm supposed to have 9 months in 1 week and I'm not at all sure that I'm going to make it! I'm scared to death right now.
Any thoughts or suggestions would be greatly appreciated right now.
Don't know if it will help you, but when I get crazy, I find something to occupy my self with. In the summer I go out and mow the grass, it may not need it but I'm gonna do it anyway. I find a good novel or spiritual text to be helpful also.
If you have sponsor or a really good friend, get ahold of them and go to a museum or a movie.
Just stay busy and it will pass. Good luck in your recovery.
Hi Justin. Just sent you my phone # if you want to use it. Phil is awesome to talk to also. I've made the poor guys ears bleed with my calls.
Nine months, for some reason that often is a hump for alot of us. Play the tape out--if you start using, what happens next, then next, etc. When I do that, being real honest with myself, by the time I'm done, the glamor is gone and I'm sick to my stomach.
Being home so much lately after your surgery is rough, gives us too much time to spend in our heads. And our disease talking talking talking at us, makes us forget how much life sucks when we start up again. It tells us it isn't going to be like that again, that this time we'll enjoy it, or we promise ourselves this and that wont happen this time. But Justin, it will. It progresses, and get worse each time. You deserve better than that. Please, grab your sponsor as Bill suggested, or a good friend, don't isolate during this time. Love Wren
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"Never argue with an idiot... They'll drag you down to their level and beat you with experience..."
Started to call you last week, to see how you were, and my caller ID that I rely on deleted your number, so PLEASE give me a call, I promise to write it down, so that won't happen again, have been thinking of you, and I am home, for the rest of the day, would love to talk.
I found that, for me, those experiences tended to happen when I was on the verge of some kind of success, or milestone. I tended to hear 'old tapes' like 'you don't deserve this', or 'you're really setting yourself up now', or'that's a big change and a lot will be expected of you', etc. So I tended to sabotage myself, including 2 years ago. I was doing great! coming into Christmas I had all kind of good plans in good places to do good things. BOOM! Slip! I sabotaged myself.
It is a kind of convoluted thing, I guess... anxiety,,, fear of really being sober and dealing with life sober. What do I do for anxiety?? Drink!!
The things that help me the most are what others have also suggested,, as Phil implied.... we can just deal with one day,, this moment. We don't have to think about 9 months or future forever or past failures. Just for today,,, this moment right now,,, I'm not going to drink.
Sometimes I find that when there is something just under my consciousness, that I don't really want to face,,, I can keep it buried by drinking. If I don't drink then there it is - whatever bad feeling or scary thought and I am not used to facing them. That's where the phone comes in, a sponsor, a friend. I talk it out, write it out. There is a saying that sometimes the only way out of something is through it. You can do it.
If you want to write here, or im, or phone, visit somebody local and go for a walk. That's fine.. This too shall pass.
love in recovery,
amanda
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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
Wren wrote: ...Play the tape out--if you start using, what happens next, then next, etc. When I do that, being real honest with myself, by the time I'm done, the glamor is gone and I'm sick to my stomach....
This advice helps me a great deal, perhaps it will help you.
Just today I was battling some pretty strong voices in my head that kept telling me, oh screw it, you can just start being sober again tomorrow. Whenever I start thinking like this, I start thinking, yeah, but this is it! This is alcoholism! It's these every damn day battles you have to fight and win every time. If the urges weren't there you wouldn't have a problem. Talk to someone. Read posts, send them, do anything you have to do to not start!
ZB
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"You can't always write a chord ugly enough to say what you want to say, so sometimes you have to rely on a giraffe filled with whipped cream." Frank Zappa
Thanks everyone. I made it through yesterday without a drink or drug. Brought this up at my meeting last night and that was helpful. Here goes another day! I think it should be better than the last!
9 months is a great length of time and I am sure you have experienced lot's of great times during this time too. Everyone has urges like that and that is when you need to draw toward people you can trust and count on the get you out of the rut. Do you have a sponsor or a face to face meeting you go to? This is a great time to speak up in a meeting and ask people in the program to help you through the rough time. I call on my HP for guidance to protect me. If I am truly wanting the help and i commit to my sobriety, he is there to support me wholeheartedly.
Remember why you quit.
Remember what you have gained all of this time.
Remember the smiles and the pats on the back you have given yourself alone.
Remember the silent tears you shed alone for the obsticales encountered ...and the ones you still go through..and the light on the other side you will walk through after you finish this one obstacle...think about that for a moment.
