What is this! Im going insane! this is my fourth or third day sober i dont even know, Ive never been so anxious in my life i want to pull my hair out or run or scream. My skin is crawling my body is swollen with water my ears are ringing my muscles are tense what the hell. My room is a mess. I didnt realize i hadnt cleaned it for two weeks! There are cigarrette burns in my leather car seats! and i have 30 unchwecked messages in my answering machine. There are cookie crumbs in my sofa cusions and apple cores on my night stand! I have 12 unopened mail envelopes on my desk and i missed my sisters valedictory ceremony!! my life is going too fast i dont know what to do first. I missed work last week with a client and now i have to explain why. What should i say? am i supposed to tell her if i want to be in AA? I was too hung over to get up. I didnt get up until 9 pm that day. Where is my head. I feel like i woke up from a dream and entered a nightmare. And I feel like my body is going to explode. My tissues hurt from swelling. My heart races. Mornings are the worse, theres a pit in my stomach, fear of the day to come. Im going to call rehab tomorrow i need withdrawal help my head hurts. my heart hurts. everything hurts
((((((((((karina))))))))))), poor thing. I agree,do try and call a detox or a doctor ASAP so you do not have to go through this alone. Please keep us posted as how you are doing. The detox will only be a 7 day thing if you go.
Wow, can relate to that first week, so very phyically swollen up, head all screwed up, But I agree with the other Posters here, reach out for extra help, Please.
Detox, or Rehab, get in touch with people that are Professionals with this stage, it is a very critical time, and you need to find the extra support today, call a Detox center, call some Rehabs, just keep calling till you get some additional help with this.
I was blessed with stubbling onto a AA Specialist, that I saw everyday, talked to her on the weekends, the Professionals in this Early stage, know how to guide you, and they will do just that.
Family stuff, needs to be put on a shelf, just like Jeannie said, YOU ARE Number 1, right now, getting thru this tough, tought time, needs to be your PRIMARY Goal.
My Prayers go out to you this morning, this is written by a woman that went thru this stuff in exactly the same way you are experiencing this first week.
This is ICU, Intensive Care, is needed today. My take anyway,
u r going through detox, withdrawal, and it can be dangerous.......is there ANYone who can help u get to detox center???? this stuff is bad to go through alone.......try to get to rehab-detox center right away....just until your body settles down.......rosie
Well, first, it gets better, much better, keep coming to meetings and posting-
If you have 3 or 4 days clean and sober already, I would see a doctor as soon as possible, but they might not take you at a detox. Rehab might help if you think you will have trouble staying sober on your own, but at rehab, they basically keep you in a safe place for a few weeks, then tell you to go to AA. So, the key is AA meetings, a sponsor, praying, calling people, meetings, the steps, and meetings-
When I came around I realized I didn't have a clue how to stay sober, so I listened to the people who had done it, and did what they said they had done, and this has helped me to do what I could not do on my own-
I agree, it does not have to be this hard. Go to detox and take care of yourself. You are doing a fabulous thing quitting drinking. You should feel really proud of that. Take care of yourself, you deserve the best.
Karina, been there and went through what you’re going through. I thought when I put down the drink my life would get better, but what happened is I felt like a raw nerve. If the wind blew it was going to hurt. I’m going to quote a portion of the Big Book. (The Big Book is our basic text in AA used to show us our problem i.e. alcoholism and what that is and then it offers a solution to the disease of alcoholism.) See if you can identify…”We were having trouble with personal relationships, we couldn’t control our emotional natures, we were prey to misery and depression, we couldn’t make a living, we had a feeling of uselessness, we were full of fear, we were unhappy…” and it goes on. A woman in AA pointed out to me that no where in that text does it talk about alcohol. This is what I felt like when I didn’t drink! When I read that I went oh my god that’s how I feel! No one had ever put into words so perfectly what I felt. One of the most baffling features of being an alcoholic for me when I was new to the program was this discovery…if when I stop drinking my life gets worse then I’m probably alcoholic. Normal drinkers can have 1 or 2 drinks and leave it alone because they don’t like how it makes them feel. I loved the relief from my life that booze gave me, but when it stopped working and I came to AA I felt like a bug in a hot frying pan and I was confused. I thought I was supposed to feel better instantly. In the beginning booze made me feel better instantly so AA better do the same. However, feeling better came as a result of doing what other people in AA had done, like Joel mentioned – getting a sponsor, going through the steps and hitting lots and lots of meetings. I became a necklace around the people in AA and I hung on for dear life. I was so afraid of the things I was seeing once I put all the booze/drugs down. I no longer had the buffer from the truth about my life…my life sucked! I hurt living in my life even during those times when nothing really was going on. My skin didn’t fit, my mind raced, my heart would go into bizarre rhythms like a hummingbirds wings. I felt like my heart was going to jump out of my chest. I couldn’t catch my breath. All the body aches and pains I’d been able to ignore because of my drinking were suddenly screaming at me and I was in pain. Like you I looked at my apartment and thought I can’t believe I’ve been living in this mess. (although at times I went the extreme opposite direction with my home and cleaned with a razor blade and toothpick! All to get the focus off of my inner, screaming voice.) I wouldn’t return calls. I was trying to hide from my life and the people in it because I didn’t want them to know the truth about me, but the hardest part was I didn’t know the truth about me. I felt like I was going crazy, but people in AA quickly reassured me that that wasn’t the case. I was just alcoholic and it’s normal for us when we put down the drink to discover the volume on our minds to be turned up 1000 decibels. Let me again reassure you that if you go to AA and spill there every thing you’ve talked about here the women WILL reach out to you and take you under their wing. They will give you their phone numbers so when you wake up in the morning with a tightened chest and a mind yelling at you, you’ll be able to call them. And if the panic happens in the middle of the night then call them then, too. Theywill help you get through this AND give you the tools to learn to live without a drink which WILL move you toward that inner peace and relief. That inner peace and relief I sought in booze doesn’t compare to the state of contentment and joy I live in today. The peace I’ve found in recovery has lasted much, much longer and has had far greater effects on my life by GIVING me my life…one that I want to live. One that I want to wake up to in the morning and the best thing of all is that I’m sober! Nothing in my life today is worth a drink…nothing! Not a divorce, not winning the lotto – nada!
Whether you choose to walk through the doors of AA tomorrow or after rehab is not the issue. No one cared how or what path I took to get to AA they only cared that I got here and stayed here. I’m not a doctor, but if you believe you need to see one then by all means do. Always better to be safe than sorry. Please continue to keep us posted on how you’re doing. I don’t know about anyone else, but I absolutely need to be hearing what you’re sharing. I’m so grateful you’re here **big hugs** Meg
