I think i may be one of the youngest in here. so this morning (or i should say afternoon) I wanlked through my back door into the kitchen. My dad gave me a cheery "hello boo!" I said hello. "Where have you been?" I could see the concern in his eyes through that fake smile.. " I slept at cindy's" He wanted to believe me. Funny thing is, for the first time in the past year I was telling the truth. Ive been sober since wednesday night/ thursday morning. I was going through horrible anxiety and widthdrawal and so i went to my friends for some support. Iwent upstairs and i heard my mom come home "were is she" my dad says "upstairs" "she's drunk isnt she. or did she look tired? do you think she did coke last night?" he says " no actually she seemed ok" I yell "MOM I CAN HEAR YOU! I didnt do anything! I slept at cindy's" "yeah sure. anyways we're not coming to eat at your restaurant tonight I already ate" I had invited my parents to see my new job, after quitting the night industry to stay sober. I ask her "why dont you believe me?" I asked her to have faith in me. I told her how hard it is with withdrawal and she tells me I'm being dramatic. She tells me shes failed as a mother because im messed up. I tell her I'm sorry, and that 2 nights ago I was going to drive my car off queensborogh bridge . That I hold so much pain inside i dont know what to do with it. she looks at me angrily and goes into her room. I drive to work, anxious, sad, angry, hurt, alone. I know im a screw up, but i wish people had faith in me, especially my mom. Because how am i supposed to have faith in myself when everyone around me has given up on me?
This is a selfish program and what I mean is we do what we have to do for ourselves - first - we come first in our lives - we are our number one priority - the rest will eventually fall into place.
Later - Jeannie
__________________
You only live once; but if you work it right, once is enough. There is nothing better than the encouragement of a good friend.
Asking your Higher Power, for help 24/7, a biggy, getting that extra help, what others think of us, no matter who they are, well it is "non of our business" right now,
Whatever you do, do not let outside influences, redirect your goals here.
it takes time for families to trust, simple stuff, so give them that time, focusing how you are feeling, and I know that that is feeling pretty sick right now, and reaching out for help with how Sick you are feeling, IS NUMBER ONE.
Making those phone calls, to people that are not going to judge you, Katrina, they are out there, for one reason, to help get through this with Love and Understanding and no Judgement, that is a huge thing that you need right now. You have noticed that no one here is Judging, Just Loving you thru this, right, then go find a human being, or a group (face to face) that will offer you the support that you so desperately need, today, in this 24 hours.
Write to my in Private message anything you need to say, and I can also call you dear, if you think that might help you, have walked thru this stage, and made it to the other side.
Please pick up that phone, and call until you find a person or place that will help you right now.
i was alot like you , i had to earn the trust back, i lied for alot of years and it took time to get it back,it will come,do the right things and it will come. good luck, i know where you are coming from, been there! wagon
i do this for ME, about ME, taking care of ME.....wheni take care of ME, i can better serve others...but i have to come FIRST
also what others think, UNLESS i owe them an amend for harm done to them, i just say "what they think is NOT my problem or business".......i cannot change others thoughts, so why let them bother
as to your mom, having faith??? well, just keep taking care of U and working the program, keep the focus on U, and it will all work out........peace/ rosie
karina wrote: I think i may be one of the youngest in here.
I am 22, in my city we have a group that is the largest AA meeting in Connecticut, and it is a young people's, 150-200 people- It is definitely possible, whatever age you are- Just get to meetings, lots of them, and do what they say- That is what I have tried to do, and I have been clean and sober for 7+ months now-
