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Post Info TOPIC: 25/F/Newbie/ready for change


Newbie

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25/F/Newbie/ready for change
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Hello everyone,

My name is Agnes. I still have a bottle of gin which I indulged in today (after telling myself I wouldn't) after a night of throwing up from drinking since noon. 

I have gone to an outbound group setting at CAMH (here in Toronto) for a while (about a year) which did not help. I probably should have gone to either Smart Recovery meetings and/or AA/NA before this pandemic started.. I lack the necessary privacy to do video calls with people on online group meetings. 

I have overcome cocaine and weed addiction on my own (many will argue that isn't a problem, but myself among many others will agree it is...)... regardless, I am here to kick my final habit of alcohol. I have been drinking the past two years or so every other day or so at minimum.. I can definitely feel a lot of debilitation in terms of energy and brain functions. Which I find so disgruntling, but that's probably one of the reasons why I continue to do it. Because of my life circumstance at the moment. And having less cognitive functions probably helps numb myself to my current depressions. 

I never want to go on meds - for my anxiety, depression, past trauma, personality disorders, etc. 

I truly believe that there are natural remedies, actions we can take to become healthier, whole people..

I will be going back to school hopefully for the last time this year and I know that drinking is one of those things that is keeping my anxiety and depression up during whenever I went back to school... 

I just can't do this anymore. For a while now, I HAVE acknowledged my issues regarding alcohol.. I really REALLY need to stop. I've been lying to myself for far too long.

I need to stop. I have good people around me, but I isolate myself... it's a paradox - drinking, isolating to get better and not subject myself to others in the way I currently am.. and never not isolating myself really..

I need to stop. 

I am perhaps seeking out a penpal. But I'm glad to have found this board...

thank you to everyone who read this :) 



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MIP Old Timer

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Posts: 1572
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Welcome, MM. Thanks for sharing part of your story. We're mostly AA here. That seems to be the area you need some help with now.

Have you been able to find an face-to-face AA meeting? Would you be willing to attend one?


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First, deal with the things that might kill you.

 



Newbie

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I can relate. Saying I will stop and not doing it. Sometimes a kickstart helps to get the ball rolling. I dont bring alcohol into my house. Then, I am learning to reach out but I have a hard time trusting others. Keep sharing.

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Danny O
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