Yesterday I posted how drinking buddies diappear real fast. Well, my neighboor/ best friend/ best drinking bud ended up calling me yesterday around 8ish. She told me that she hadn't called me for the past 5 days because she was on a bender and knew I was trying to quit... and that she was drinking again. Well all fine and dandy -- we hung up the phone.
Later on, she kept calling me -- trying to convince me to come over there (guess they were having a party because I could hear the music blasting over at my house). And in my head, there was a little bit that missed it and wished I could get in all the fun. (well -- what fun?)... Then I kept thinking ... girl.. you've made it 8 days -- let's not blow it now. I ended up calming down and kept out of the scene. So glad I did that. I've passed my first test of trying to be persuaded to start drinking again.
And luckily, that I did because today... I'm on day 9! I don't feel hung-over. I didn't take off on my daughter and keep on partying the next day through. And I feel real good about it. Funny thing (well not really) but I guess they had a fight (I could hear them screaming at eachother through my bedroom) and I guess she was trying to take off on her kids and leave them with the father. Then he yelled out -- why do you think Candace quit drinking? Kinda made me feel good to hear that I quit drinking in the still of the night.
Well, ever since I quit drinking, I've been taking my daughter out for walks. And there's this killer hill I have to go up everyday on our walk home -- and guess what -- it's getting easier to climb. Just like sobriety... day by day.. one step at a time.. I'm making up that hill.
Okay.. got some homework to do. I haven't gotten to an AA meeting yet -- I'm postponing till next week because I'm swamp by homework (yes.. excuses.. excuses ... but it's a valid one LOL) -- I'm going to go next week though after my exams are done.
Got to say I loved the Part about your neighbor screaming at his wife, "Well Candice got sober" , must have felt like music, in the middle of the night.
Well done. After 9 days that is a real feat of willpower. BIG CONGRATULATIONS TO YOU!
Look forward to the future....
Hope you have a great day, I'm proud of you.
Chris.
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"Computer games don't affect kids; I mean if Pac-Man affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching magic pills and listening to repetitive electronic music." -- Kristian Wilson, Nintendo, Inc, 1989"
A real feat of willpower. That's exactly what it is. I guess all that's important is that your not drinking. I could never quit by myself. I never understood how alcoholics quit drinking without meetings. It just doesn't make sense to me. I'd be lost without AA. Keep up the good work Candace and have a good night.
Well I feel like Im just about to get real unpopular at this moment, but got to ad some words here.
First, I do not think Getting sober involves ANY willpower what so ever. It is about Surrendering to the Program of AA. Our Will is What we Surrrender.
I share Justin feelings, about the Meetings, and yes I do remember that I did stay Sober for a time, on my own willpower, but that never lasted, it was a deep sense of Surrender to the fact that I was an alcoholic and came in after 10 years of using the swinging doors of AA. Broke the hinges on the doors.
When Sobriety really stuck, I was holding on by my fingernails, I was now ready to do whatever it took, just to not drink again.
They have a saying that does make sense, "Put your Sobriety in front of Everything Else, and you can keep it, Put something, anything, in Front of it, and you cannot Keep it.
Those were the words of a very wise woman, that was speaking to me in a Dennys at 3:00 in the morning when I was telling her how everything, all the stuff in my life was just so insideout, she listened for a few seconds, and repeated the above. and then she would listen again for a few seconds, and then repeat the above statement.
When I was driving home, it hit me, the Light Bulb went on, and I got what she had said about 10 times to me.
Did not mean to burst any bubbles here, but had to be honest with my thinking on the word Willpower.
Toni
Going to AA, is like taking an Insurance Policy out on the time you have acquired, why not take out the Policy if it is Free?
Everyone feels a whole bunch of Fear about going to their First Meeting, that is a GIVEN, big town, small town, the fear goes away when you walk in the doors, and feel the good feelings that are bestowed on you. Hope and Pray that you give it a try.
This a very cunning, baffling and Powerful Disease that we both have. It talks about the fact that there will come a time for all Alcoholics, that they will have no human defense against the first drink.
Hope you can read the first 164 pages of the Book of Alcoholics Anonymous.
Great job Candace! What a wonderful thing to be able to take walks with your daughter.....It's those little things that can make all the difference! I hope you do get to a meeting after finals. I know for me I could stay sober for about a week or two but the overwhelming desire always came back until I started going to meetings and doing the steps. Congrats on day 9!!
Thanks everyone for the congrats -- it feels good to know people are behind my back.
Note to Toni: I do agree with you that quiting and staying sober is about surrender to the program. When I first decided to quit -- I wasn't going to reach out at all -- then I knew I needed extra support and found it here. If you read my posting, I said I was going to start AA next week... I'm also starting to read the big book now that I know it's online. And quote from chapter 5 "If you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it -- then you are ready to take certain steps".
But, one thing I don't agree with is that it has doesn't have anything to do with will power. I think it totally does... people need the willpower, the surrender to god, the surrender to the program and themselves to keep staying sober. For some people AA don't work, sometimes people can quit on their own. For myself, I know I'm not one. For example though, my dad has quit for 21 almost 22 years now -- all on willpower ... no AA program. But, he does follow some of the AA guidelines. He quit solely on knowing that he had to do it for his children... to give us a better life.
But all in all -- don't worry -- I'm not going to try this all on my own... and as soon as I hit up a meeting -- you'll be the first to know. LOL. Okay... TTFN.. take care all and thanks so much.
I guess its abit of combination.. when i did five days it was will power.
going to a meeting was will power
listening to people.. will power..
i know im newish to aa.. but even surrendering is using will power.. any action is motivation.. "Even the decision to do nothing is a decision based on motivation".. (i wish i could name the person to that quote but i forget his name... a psychologist anyway (a Doctor))
To surrender is to make a decision and to make ANY decision is to be motivated...
I stayed sober 5 days through motivation.. then i lost my will power...
I went to fridays meeting through motivation/will power.. I went to tonights meetin because of will power.. If i hadnt have willed it.. i woudlnt have done it.. But the will power today was born from Alan phoning.. me..
My point being.. lots of things have lead me here and not all my decisions.. but All have been the bases to ME deciding TO DO IT and actualy doing it..
So its a combination.. just givin in is to the fact, facing the fact that you have a proglem is using will power..
Congrats for 9 days Candace!!! That's awesome. It's true, this was your first test---first of many many more tests. The sooner you can get to a meeting, Dear One, the better, so you can get a good support group going. There will be times when things don't feel so great, and willpower alone just won't cut it. You will need to be able to pick up the phone and call someone you trust, someone you've met at a meeting that's been thru what you have and can relate to the inner turmoil.
Like you, I was dual addiction. I started out with drugs when I was around sixteen, mainly "speed" (as we called it in the Olden Days, LOL), got sorely strung out and went into treatment to withdraw. Then, as my best friend and I told eachother, " hey, it's okay to drink--it's legal, and better yet! we can afford it!". Ah, the innocence. And six years later (about) there I was, been thru detox a half dozen times, and ended up back in treatment. I call my best friend about once a year now--she's on several meds, still drinks, has neuro damage, and can't finish a sentence because she forgets what she was saying. God, does that ever hurt.
Try, there are meetings at diff. times of day, to begin to get in touch with others that can be there for you when the going gets tough, when the willpower starts to peter out. It can sneak up on you before you know it, and it's all about "screw it". It only takes one. Sobriety has to come first, and learning the way to stay that way. My prayers are so with you, and alot of us here are so proud of how well you are doing. Love Wren
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Funny, isn't it, how friends and a Power greater than ourselves can neutralize nightmares?
Hi, I think that there is power in numbers. It's just easier to stay stopped when you surrender to the program along with your group. I surrendered to God at one point and it helped to be helpless and let the AA program do it's job. I only had to show up to meetings and kept going. Now I just it was simple to do with the rest of my life and my "will" LOL. Congrats on day 9 and how wonderful you are to take walks with your daughter. I'v been taking my kids to the park. Beautiful days and the kids will remember them for as long as they live.
i am also really proud of you, I sent you a PM, regarding my earlier Post. I think I was feeling kind of feeling a little scared for you, not appropriate. And I do agree, I know a lot of people that get Sober and stay sober and do not use the meetings. So, its there in my Private Message.
Anyway, I'll resay it, Congratulations on your 9 days, somedays I just get "out of wack", but Im back.
