You are reading from the book Touchstones </OA_HTML/ibeCCtpItmDspRte.jsp?item=212>.
Are you willing to be sponged out, erased,/ cancelled,/made nothing?/Are you willing to be made nothing?/dipped into oblivion?/If not, you will never really change. --D. H. Lawrence
Many men have a self-centered attitude about change. They say, "Lift yourselves up by your bootstraps! Take charge! Be aggressive!" They have only a beginner's understanding of what real change is. When we try to change ourselves by our own methods, we simply give rebirth to our already limited controlling ideas. We recycle and intensify our problems.This program has given us a profound possibility for change. We discover we are able to move beyond our compulsion to control by surrendering. The promises for recovery are clear and bright, if we yield to this program totally - but they do not come on our timetable. We yield. We allow ourselves to be helped. We allow change to overtake us. We earnestly seek to do our part. And change comes! It comes - not when we say, "Now I deserve, it," but when we are ready to accept it.Today, I surrender again. Each day I learn to surrender and grow deeper.
XXXXXXXX oh yeah, and add to that "keep a stiff upper lip" all self will...stuffing feelings....tryin to run it on self will!!! BEEN there DONE that and it damned near killed me.......and yeah, recycle and intensify the negativity...... it was the hardest thing--- surrender--- the very WORD, the **connotations** made me want to GAG!! cuz all i could think about was my having to surrender my little precioius body and my self to my predator.......the word "surrender" was a trigger to me....i had to do TONS of self talk to TELL me, REASSURE me that "surrender to God is the ANTITHESIS of surrendering to the evil"......my INTENSE need to make me feel safe...to protect me, was going against me cuz i could not do it alone..no way!!! my having to be in control to avoid the horrible and teffifying feelings i had of helplessness my torture left me with ..... i was a "mouse on a treadmill" spinning spinning, frantically running and going NOwhere!!!!
.i finally showed myself that to surrender to God is NOT losing me, it is NOT giving up me...it is rather **alignment** or **cooperation** with someone who has only my best interest at heart......it is tantamount to being a small sheep out in the fields and the shepherd is there sitting by the fire, with his rod and staff and he is wanting with all his heart to protect this little sheep from the hungry wolves waiting for an easy meal...but its a CHOICE...that little sheep has to go to the shepherd..the shepherd is not going to FORCE his love/ protection on the sheep.......so i had a choice...stay away from the protector and his warm fire and be eaten by forces more powerful than me OR, snuggle up to the shepherd , share his fire, follow his lead , enjoy his protection and sleep without one eye having to be open.......
i CHOOSE to **yield** to my HP and this program......i have OPENED me up for healing/ change...i "show up for duty----surrender the outcome to the SOURCE" it is working for me......my refusal to "give up--give in--give over" nearly did me in........its this simple---- the darkness is more powerful than i am....it BEHOOVES me to accept and EMBRACE the help/guidence/protection that my Higher Power, the source of all things good, offers me....like i said, HP is not going to force me, but he/she IS offering to me............and i accept and EMBRACE that offering....AND give thanks for it.....
There is a great Post on the Bottom of the first page on Expectations and Forgivness, written by Abe Lincoln, dont know if you say it, but if you did not, think you would really enjoy, A keeper, for sure,
