Today I went back out. Guess what? Didn't have that bad of a time. I will turn in my wet eight year sobriety chip in for a dry one. In all the years I've been sober, there have been NO MIRACLES or promises, just a miserable life without alcohol. I'm through with the 'don't quit 5 minutes before the miracle happens' bullshit. If there was someone who thinks I needed a miracle, they would've said 'he needs it NOW'. It has been nothing but disappointment for me, and I see no reason to carry on. The years I've spent sober have absolutely been the worst years of my life. But I'm giving it one last shot.
This has one year. If, after a THIRD TIME, It doesn't yield any 'promises' or 'miracles', I'm done.
That's all I've got to say.
(If it's not 'third time's a charm', it's 'strike three, you're out!')
-- Edited by LoneStar on Friday 19th of July 2019 12:56:46 AM
-- Edited by LoneStar on Friday 19th of July 2019 12:58:05 AM
-- Edited by LoneStar on Friday 19th of July 2019 01:04:31 AM
__________________
Constantly praying this : "God, help me deal with my %@#+ed up self." Sober since 7-19-19
On the other hand (for future newbie readers) I have had every single promise come true in the book, due to the work I put in to the program. I was a very low bottom type too.
To the op, please report back and let us know how your controlled drinking experiment turns out in the long run. Afterall, we can't be mad, aa literature literally advises us to go out and drink if there are doubts about being the real deal.
This thread is officially pronounced dead by myself as it was written during the lost years of my sobriety. Since then, I ve committed to a new direction and will now leave A.A. when I stop breathing.
__________________
Constantly praying this : "God, help me deal with my %@#+ed up self." Sober since 7-19-19
Wow LoneStar. I'm glad to hear that you have committed to a new direction. How horrible it is to think that you were on a dry drunk for so many years. God bless you and the people around you. (No disrespect intended).
I truly hope that this time you will find peace and happiness in your heart. I know that for me, only when my heart is pure and my motives are true that I have peace and happiness in my life no matter the circumstances surrounding me.
All the best to you LoneStar and may God help you with your ... self.
-- Edited by Thelma on Saturday 19th of October 2019 05:39:14 PM
