"Its not going to get easier, but its going to get better."
When I got sober, I thought my life would get easier. I mean, I wasnt drinking to blackout any longer, and now that I was sober, everyone should be happy for me. I even thought I deserved some kind of an award. I was sure my money troubles would disappear, my health would get better, and all the people I hurt would forgive me and life would get back to normal. None of that happened right away.
In early sobriety, the only thing that changed was that I wasnt getting loaded any longer. I still had all the same problems as before, and in addition, I was now also racked with feelings: feelings of remorse, resentment, fear, anger, and more. And as I struggled to work the Steps, things actually got worse as I lost job after job, found I was unfit for most relationships, and was in constant fear. I didnt think recovery was for me.
I told my sponsor that if this was what sobriety was like, Id rather start drinking again. He told me this was what getting sober was like, but it wasnt what being sober was like. He said if this was how we were going to feel all the time, then none of us would have remained in recovery. Each year, my life did get better and better. Even though it wasnt easy in the beginning, I found that overall, I had discovered the easier, softer way. Today, I cant imagine not being sober and living in recovery.
