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Post Info TOPIC: Easing concerns of spouse


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Easing concerns of spouse
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Before getting sober I was a secret drunk. As a member of the clergy I suppose I am expected to have a good reputation in the community. People in our small town community are starting to find out that Im a recovering alcoholic now, so the cats out of the bag now. My wife cried herself to sleep last night because someone asked her if it were true that her pastor husband was a drunk earlier in the day. Im trying real hard to give her space, as I cant control how she comes to grip with my recovery. Any  thoughts on how I can help her?

 

Gratefully sober for 97 days so far. 



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MIP Old Timer

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Hi Sp, ...

As a member of the clergy, you must know the Bible gives examples of God's chosen to perform great tasks ... and through their faith and actions, went on to do some amazing things ... Noah, who built the Ark was an alcoholic ... ... ... Remember him??? ...

We are taught it's not up to us to judge others, but to forgive ... and it IS hard when others judge us based on what they hear about us(true or not) ... My thought is to keep do'n what your do'n to stay sober and place your faith where you know it should be ... in time, things will work themselves out ... be open and honest with others ... Keep an open channel of communications with your wife ... you're only human, and humans make mistakes, the trick is not to repeat them ...

This too, shall pass ...



Love ya and God Bless,
Pappy



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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'



MIP Old Timer

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SP, alcoholism, is a malady, an affliction, and many people, including medical professionals, say it is a disease.

Alcoholism is not a condition that we voluntarily obtain.

Most reasonable people can grasp these concepts and accept our recovering as a positive effort to regain the honesty and goodness we once aspired to. Your flock and your community will probably show you support in your program, if you are honest with them. After all, you show them support in many ways even though they have their own afflictions. Your wife is entitled to her reactions and coping with the big changes in your life. I told my wife in beginning sobriety that I was sorry for all my offenses against her. She accepted that. I was lucky.

My guess, based on hearing many stories over the years, is that the community, flock and personal networks are seldom tripped out by a drunk they know putting the cork on the bottle. They're usually relieved.


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First, deal with the things that might kill you.

 



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Stay grateful for those days you now have they are important and become more so when you practice what you did in sobriety yesterday.  Ours is a disease of compulsion with and physical, mental, emotional allergy.  Some ad spiritual to that list but in the program I have come to redefine spiritual as what I am intended on a daily basis to be and how intently I work for it.

There is sooooo much literature available for the spouses of alcoholics to help them also understand the disease that they share with us (that's informative isn't it?) and if she can jump at the Al-Anon board on this site which is for the family of alcoholics and addicts she will find comfort, understanding and compassion and empathy and of course lots of understanding friendship.

I was born and raised in the disease of alcoholism and didn't know what it was called or how it was spelled and pronounced until I stopped drinking and kept coming back to both programs.  I married the women I drank with and they did me.  Alcoholism doesn't care about organized religion and in fact does have a very strong hold on many who participate in service to the many and various organizations.  That or course speaks to my own experience also.

Alcoholism can be induced to some who would otherwise not become addicted  (explained by the progressiveness of our disease).  I hated the powerful taste and reaction when I first started to drink introduced by my maternal grandmother however when I got use to the taste and the social aspects of it over a matter of years I was done for and later found out by diagnosis that I was chemically tolerant which contributed to several toxic shock events.   

One way of learning more if any alcoholic cares to is go to college and learn.

Keep coming back...the program works when you work it.    (((hugs))) smile



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Senior Member

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The question here should be, are YOU prepared to deal with it if the relationship fails because she can't come to grips with your boozing? 

That does happen you know.



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Veteran Member

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In my opinion your wife should be proud of what you are doing and as far as I am concerned we can not control what others think about us , but more importantly as you stay sober you will realise that people do not think about you as often as you think they might.

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Bunchie


MIP Old Timer

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True ... very true!!!



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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'

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