You can always tell who the alcoholic is by looking for the guy everyone walks on eggshells around.
Wow. That is me. I am that guy; even stone cold sober. 5 years today as a matter of fact. I don't exactly consider this a character defect though. I've come to accept that it's just a part of my make up. I have this uncanny ability to make a household or work environment bend to give me what I want, which is to be left alone, and it's still not enough. The world I live in has to be rattled every few years because the shine just wears off of everything that I set my sights on after awhile. A majority of us come from extremely unstable backrounds to where it becomes ingrained into who we are. And because it's not affecting my sobriety I am content with how low the bar is set.
What comes natural to others I see - such as being an easy going fella, has to be a conscious decision and needs constant effort for me. Or else I slip right back to my default position, which is fuck you. And it has nothing to do with staying sober.
That seemed impossible for me at one time ... but as I practiced improving my 'conscience contact' with the guy upstairs, and the constant meetings, I became more of the guy I wished to be ... close friendships became easier ... doing 'the next right thing' was not so much a struggle as it was to begin with ... Others seemed not to be so 'edgy' around me, as had been in the past ... Once I got rid of the sign around my neck ('for instant Asshole, just add alcohol') I began to feel better about myself ...
Keep in mind, this is still a 'One Day at a Time' deal ... for all of us ...
Love ya man and God Bless, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
