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Post Info TOPIC: Step daughter


MIP Old Timer

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Posts: 1497
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Step daughter
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It's 23.15 hrs, I can't find my sponsor's no (its on another phone) so guys, you get it. My step daughter daved hard, passed her driving test 2 weeks s ago and bought a car last night. This evening, car all insured and legal,can I go out in my car she says. Yes, so long as you're back by ten, have an experienced driver with yhe, stay local and stick to lit roads. Don't go far. At 5 to 9 we get the tearful call. The car is on its roof and the police are on their way. It was a half hour drive to get to her. Experienced driver was in a different car. She was on a twisty 2 lane, she had 2 friends in the car. Car is a write off. Fortunately all 3 are unhurt. So,she contravened all the criteria. You can imagine the fear i felt driving there , the fear my missus felt waiting for news. (She had to stay to look after my other step dqughters daughter). So yeah I'm angry. Relieved that no one was hurt. But angry that her straightforward lies and refusal to do as asked has cost her her car, around a thousand pounds in buying, insuring and taxung it....which is in my account because the bank is closed until monday....well I was a bit aloof, broughtbher home, made her drink tea and eat...but I could really read the riot act. There will be consequences for her....insurance on a car will not be affordable for 5 years, she could lose her licence,the insurance will pay out for the damage to the road and the farmer's fence but the cost of the car....after the 500 quid excess that has to be paid, she won't get enough back to cover the first 3 months premium paid up front. So she owes me a grand, then there'll be another 500 on top for the excess. She makes around 600 a month in bursary and part time work. As much as I tell myself that she was lucky,she didn't kill anyone, she didn't even hurt anyone,its just money and metal, I am so bloody annoyed. It takes me a month to earn 1500 quid.....and that's before expenses. I've just told her how annoyed I am, why I'm annoyed and that she scared me and her mum shitless. I also told her I love her to bits. We are going to have to have the hard conversation in the morning, about paying back, about rules and boundaries and about earning trust About growing the fuck up too. Taking responsibility. Thank you for listening.

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It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got.
BB

When all else fails - RTFM



MIP Old Timer

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Posts: 1572
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Whoa, that was a traumatic event for you, BB. I'm glad the step daughter and passengers are OK physically.

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First, deal with the things that might kill you.

 



MIP Old Timer

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Posts: 1497
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I couldn't get hold of my best mate and sponsor (they are one and the same) but did talk to my buddy, skye willie, who talked to me about letting go of anger before it turns to resentment. It all helps.

__________________

It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got.
BB

When all else fails - RTFM



MIP Old Timer

Status: Offline
Posts: 1497
Date:
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I couldn't get hold of my best mate and sponsor (they are one and the same) but did talk to my buddy, skye willie, who talked to me about letting go of anger before it turns to resentment. It all helps. Reminded me that I need to focus on facts. Help her to take responsibilty. Help her to manage the immediate consequences. Remind her to separate behaviour and person.....she's a young woman who did some really stupid stuff, she's been stoopid but she's not stoopid. So yeah, we had the difficult conversation today, the admission from her of where she went wrong and why. Now we move forward, learn and grow. There'll be setbacks and disagreements and dead ends and mistakes as there always is. The payment plan is in place. The practicalities are in hand. Importantly I was able to tell her why I was so angry, born of fear, fear of loss. And I told her I still loved her. And I called her a daft twat, cos I'm from yorkshire and we don't do emotions too much or too long.

__________________

It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got.
BB

When all else fails - RTFM



MIP Old Timer

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Posts: 12357
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Hey BB, ...

I'm real sorry you had to go through all that ... raising kids is not for the faint of heart ... I do know how you feel AND what you're go'n through ... you're very fortunate that she wasn't seriously hurt, or her passengers ... Me???, I'd be grateful ...

My youngest son, back in '09, was driving to his home after work and reached down to pick up the cell phone he'd dropped ... he went off the road and rolled his pickup truck ... he was ejected from the truck and broke his neck in several places ... (he'd unbuckled his seat belt to reach the phone) ...

This happened just 2 weeks before my 1st AA birthday ... and I was 250 mi. from where he lived ... it was one of the worst trials of my new, sober life ... my son lived, but will spend the rest of his life in a wheelchair ... Yes, that day cost all of us a lot, but we got through it and you and your daughter will too ...


Love ya man and God Bless,
Pappy



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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'



MIP Old Timer

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Posts: 1497
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Thanks pappy. ... Perspective,always perspective. It could have been so much worse. It's just money and metal and ego that got hurt.

__________________

It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got.
BB

When all else fails - RTFM



MIP Old Timer

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Posts: 12357
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Amen ...



__________________

'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'



Senior Member

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Glad everyone is OK Bill. I'm sure she will learn her lesson when she has to pay back all that money and has no car on top of that. Both my kids are in their 20's, and are still driving me crazy with their decisions. I just thank god neither one of them turned out like me, I was already drinking and driving at 16.

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MIP Old Timer

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Posts: 1497
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Aye...she don't drink. ...tried it once and got mortal drunk, not doing that again. She don't do drugs. She don't even smoke tobacco....but she can be so irresponsible. As my sponsor reminded me, we all did dumb shit at 19 (I wrote off my mate's motorbike )

__________________

It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got.
BB

When all else fails - RTFM

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