When I got sober, I didnt know how I was ever going to fix everything in my life. All the relationships I had ruined, all the bridges to jobs and opportunities I had burned, there didnt seem anyway I could control and manipulate everything back into place. How was I going to get all the people I had stolen from to forgive me? How was I going to get healthy after all the abuse Id inflicted on myself? How was I going to get my family to trust me again? I didnt think I could pull it off.
Luckily, my sponsor assured me that I didnt have to. In fact, he told me I could never be responsible for other peoples attitudes and reactions to me. That wasnt my job. Instead, he told me my job was to stay sober, clean house, and take the next indicated action. In doing my Ninth Step, he told me I was responsible for admitting my faults, and making sincere amends. Whether or not someone forgave me wasnt up to me. I was responsible for the effort, not the outcome.
Learning to let go of outcomes wasnt easy for me. After a lifetime of trying to arrange life including your reactions and opinions to suit myself, simply taking the right actions and leaving the results up to God seemed impossible. But the miracle is that every time I follow Gods will and not my own, wondrous and unexpected outcomes flow into my and other peoples lives. Plus, now that I know Im not responsible for all the outcomes in the world, Im free to live a life that can be happy, joyous, and even free.
