I am back...never really left...just didn't post. Gave up on others, mostly myself. Used this board to vent and unload and caused unnecessary turmoil just because I wasn't handling things in my life....didn't know how to handle things in my life. So when someone here disagreed with me, called me on my own stuff, I got extremely defensive, controversial, and and unecessarily attacked. It is not who I want to be and feel I could be. Very immature and childish.

I deleted my last account (one of many, because in my childish mindset, have had several account names, would attack, and when felt attacked, would delete them and reopen new accounts after I had a cooling off period.) I made and lost a few friends I had on this board...couldn't handle the least bit of criticism, didn't like being told what I should do and wanted to do what I wanted to do.

Almost every day I have still come to this board and have appreciated the postings. It has made me feel a part of something anyway. Unfortunately, I have not been able to get back in the meetings. I kept relapsing and got too ashamed and embarrassed. I know that is not a good enough excuse and is only an excuse. I do hope that I will one day soon, be able to go back to them and get over feeling the way I do. I have, over the last months...well, I guess it is over 2 years now...been able to get days, several weeks, even a month or more of sobriety under my belt.

I promise that I will try very hard going forward to use this board responsibly, to try and not take every little thing so seriously and most of all to not post things which end up hurting anyone else and making me look like an idiot.

Grace