I had never heard that as a topic before in any recovery meeting I've ever been to. I went to the morning meeting because I needed to be in the dialogue where I often find the characteristics of my Higher Power and a friend of mine started the sharing and with the topic of Tenderness and I got triggered because that wasn't a real asset in my alcoholic/addict family; in fact the opposite of it was often present. Of course I am mentioning the positive emotional character of tenderness. So there I got it a missing characteristic of my Higher Power that hasn't been in the forefront of my recovery. I also got triggered because there were negative consequence from within my family by showing tenderness toward the alcoholic and or addict. We were a sick group of people. Only one face came to mind when I heard the word and it was that of my aunt who I lived with after leaving the Navy...She seemed to have nuclear power for silent compassion and empathy for her alcoholic/addict/child sexual abuser and more...gracious!! I am only learning (slowly) about that characteristic...s l o w l y. I have seen other brothers and sisters in the program return to the natural characteristic of tenderness and I am hoping to get there before HP turns the light off. Thanks for letting me share. (((Hugs)))
Oh wow Jerry, ... I cannot ever remember that being a 'topic' for discussion either ... but I like it ... for me, tenderness is right up there with 'humility and compassion' ...
I, as an alcoholic, developed this hard shell where I protected my drinking at all costs ... well, until I could barely function anymore ... until I suddenly realized the end was very near ... So, ... my attitude was anything but tender toward my family and friends ... Thank God I still have them ... but before AA, I berated them so bad that my Dad disowned me and removed me from his 'Will' ... ... ... as a drunk, I didn't care ... AA changed all that ... working the 12 steps opened the door for healing ... after 5 years, my Dad and I finally repaired our relationship, just before he died ... and for that, I am very grateful ... I wasn't so lucky with my Mom ... I could barely stand up at her funeral ... and that bothers me to this very day ...
I think 'tenderness' is one of the keys to, or maybe the result of, 'letting go and letting God' ... ... ... ... ... it brings great 'peace of mind' ... ... ... (for me anyway)
Love ya man and God Bless, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
I sense tenderness in your shares and support here Pappy...there is no hardness from your angle and for that I am grateful and why I keep coming back. (((Hugs)))
I needed to be in the dialogue where I often find the characteristics of my Higher Power ( I needed to read this and love this, Jerry ) ..
this share really touches my heart too because i relate .. it wasn't present .. anything but tender .. Python in reading your share my heart goes out too .. it reminded me of a story of our will verses hps will .. maybe have heard it too many times .. but it recalled the story of the alcoholic who set out on his way to commit suicide .. he picked up a gun an headed off down the road when suddenly a car full of buddies pulled up .. they picked him up and offered him a drink .. he put down the gun and picked up the bottle to which he remained an alcoholic for many years .. eventually he found his way through the doors of AA and went on to help countless many battle their own inner addictions struggles and pain .. higher power had another plan .. this was the first story i had ever heard which truly showed me the compassion and tenderness of a higher power who allowed the bad for the greater good to come ..
this thread and replies also reminded me of how much i had healed with my parents before they died .. even though there are things that come to the surface inside me today i sure wish i could bring up with them .. the one thing that keeps me going (gives me hope) is an experience of my own i had at a graveside amends which i made at one point with a relative we lost to cancer when i was younger .. rather powerful as i sat there saying outloud alone and feeling all wierd inside after talking at her gravesite .. i thought and mentioned out loud what a waste it all seemed to be .. pointless but what i heard back at the end of the conversation was .. 'whaddaumean this is a waste of an amends .. i'm face to face with my higher power now and what's more .. now i can 'hear you .. my preference would have been for her to be here face to face but in my heart on some levels i believe today she was ...
not on 9 anymore in step work .. it's years later and i'm back on 4 for a deeper round and another layer of the onion peeling inside me .. moving through but gotta say i move much 'slower when i'm trying to move through the thigh high muck an the mire .. hoping to pick up the pace soon ..
