I am a great dad. I am insanely involved with my children's lives. I walk them to school, take them to their martial arts classes and spend enormous amounts of quality time with them. I also drink in the garage, stagger through much of my alone life and behave in a manner I'd never want then to see.
I dont break the law or cheat on my wife or do anything that is overtly harmful to my family or children. I just drink too much. I'm slowly killing myself and I know it.
So what?
My dad was never there and was piece of shit human being in every way imaginable. I'm not. I am a loving father and a loyal husband. So if I can keep it up whats the big deal? Sure, I'll die young...but c'mon...wives and/or kids have had a lot worse to deal with.
No?
So what's wrong with what I'm doing?
-- Edited by TipsyMcstagger on Wednesday 6th of September 2017 05:53:02 PM
-- Edited by TipsyMcstagger on Wednesday 6th of September 2017 05:53:32 PM
Your wife and kids may not have a lot to deal with now, but what about the person they love, with a lot left to give, lying dead in a coffin??? ... how would they feel then???
Pappy
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
This describes me perfectly, and it scares me. My father was an abusive, angry alcoholic, who was not in my life for the majority of it.
I, on the other hand, am an extremely present father, an attentive husband (who does all the cooking and cleaning), and who does not get diabolically drunk. In fact, I don't remember the last time I blacked out.
At the same time, I rely on alcohol to keep my anxiety down, to relieve my worries, to help me de-stress, to be there when I'm lonely, and to use as a best friend when I need support. Even if it is only 2-4 drinks a day, or a quick one in the garage, I feel like I *need* alcohol to function normally -- and I know enough about the disease to realize this is also contributing to low-self esteem, resentment, and fear.
So, while I know I am a good dad and husband on the surface -- I'm still not happy and fulfilled inside. If I am able to get to a place where I am fundamentally gladder to be alive, and can live even an extra ten years (to see my son live an extra decade), it feels worth the work.
But it's excruciatingly hard sometimes. At least, that's my narrative. Best of luck with the continued journey, man.
-Adam
__________________
When every situation which life can offer is turned to the profit of spiritual growth, no situation can really be a bad one.-Paul Brunton
So what's wrong with what you're doing? 4th step requirement. Made a searching, fearless and moral inventory of ourselves. What's wrong with what you're doing? You are still getting what it is that you don't want to get. That's because you are doing the same things over and over again expecting different results which is what I learned about this alcoholic Jerry F years ago. He was called insane and then insanity is the consequence of doing the same things over and over again expecting different results. It isn't about my fathers good or bad. My problems are uniquely mine. I own them all and their consequences. Try your own inventory...mind, body, spirit and emotions and see what presents itself. ((((hugs))))
