Ok.. am rather drunkish.. Im sorry to all you for posting on here in this state....
I have just txt Alan.. Basicaly saying sory for wierd txt i sent to him yesterday.. Sayin that i will be at tomorrows meeting and was he gona be there.. he replied "good see you there".. so atleast i have aggreed to meet him there.. least he knows im coming.... FFS i cant rem what he looks like.. YOU KNOW when you cant picture someone.. i trust i will when i see him.. i hope so.. i should do.. but at mo i cant picture him..
I have to admit im scared shitless again bout going to another meeting, though i feel alot better than i did last week.. as you would imagine
Do you know.. one of the things im fed up of .. is being scared!.. I want to be able to take whatever life throws at me and deal with it.. not be so fucking scared of everything all the time. I wish i could deal with reallity better than i do.
Well i am fed up of how my life is.. and its what im fed up of that drives me.. I wish i didnt love drink as much as i do.. i love it and hate it .. its my best friend and my worst enemy.. .. ii love the comfort of being drunk but the results of it conclude in feeling worse than i started! Im tired and im drunk so i shall shut up for now..
If we are painstaking about this phase of our development, we will be amazed before we are half way through. We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness. We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace. No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows. Self seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change. Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.
Are these extravagant promises? We think not. They are being fulfilled among us - sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them.
__________________
do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
As I read your post, I feel emotional. Reason is, you're taking me back there, and fear is setting in, as I'm remembering and reliving how it was then. Then I realize that it never has to be that way again, and gratitude sets in, and I feel even more emotional.
I guess what I'm saying is, thanks. You've reminded me of what a painful experience life was just 17 months ago, and how wonderful, even on a bad day, it is today. And for that I am truly grateful.
Those promises above? I'm already beginning to see them take shape in my life, and it's a beautiful thing.
