104 day sober and not loving it.

DJE · Newbie

104 day sober and not loving it.

bikerbill · MIP Old Timer

It's different for all of us but I reckon we all hit 'the wall' as you describe. A lot of folks relapse around this time....through boredom and a belief that this is a good as it gets and it sucks (it isn't and yeah right now it does) through the 'it wasn't so bad, I'll be ok' (ittt was, you wont) or something similar. So what to do.....give yourself an honest self examination Are you working a recovery or just staying dry? Are you at least trying to do what's suggested? (Plenty meetings, talk to people, stay in sober company, sponsor?) 104 days without a drink, go you, remember what is was like 105 days ago? No? Try and be honest and write it down. Do you wanna go back to that? Door swings both ways....but remember, not everyone gets back. Death, insanity or the jail are real consequences. Mate I'm in my 11th year and you wouldn't believe how much I love my life. So let me tell you what I've given up. Drinking alcohol. Being an arsehole. Pissing the bed. Never being able to trust a fart. Feeling sick. Hangovers. Chronic grinding illnesses. Getting arrested. Being a bully. That's just some of the stuff that left town with the booze....but I had to work to get them.

DJE · Newbie

Thanks for responding. Yeah I hear you and your right. I am not missing a kitchen full of empty bottles. Or my daily booze shop. Just to make sure, I didn't run out. Anything less than a 12 pack I would consider out of beer. I stopped drinking and driving years ago. So no second DUi just macd damn sure, I was well stocked to avoid driving. I am not going to meetings, I have gone in the past I couldn't open up and didn't feel comfortable. This is for me I have the desire to stay sober. But that wall you talk about is sitting right in front of me. I need to find something to pass the time .

Visionz · Senior Member

Everywhere you go, there you are. I have tried geographical cures, swearing off, white knuckling, church, exercise...just about anything to fill that void. It all failed.

Not until I got involved in the process of aa did I find a solution. You can go to 24 meetings a day and guess what, you'd only be going to meetings. I see this time and time again on this board; stop thinking a reply online is going to fix you. The 12 steps ARE aa. What have you done as far as book work, sponsor work, finding a higher power, amends....

Have you put in any work?

Mommyjuice · Member

Please don't throw in the proverbial towel now! You have some great time built up. Reach out to someone else. You are too important to give in to what you call boredom. It's not boring knowing you are doing great!

DJE · Newbie

Thanks for responding and kind words. Not looking for a quick fix as some say. Just understanding. I get overwhelmed with the to do list 'the work' as they say. For me, everyday is work, It is hard and yet I am proud of myself. With out a list of things I need to do . I appreciate everyone who gets what they need out of it. I haven't had the same experience. Thanks again!

bikerbill · MIP Old Timer

DJE .... the work as you put it, is done at your pace. It's not a race owd cock, it's developing a better way of living. As has been said, how do you eat an elephant? One for full at a time! So, put down the shovel and pick up the fork.

Instant Dharma · Member

I think you may need some additional tools to help manage your anxiety. An outside professional may just do the trick.

I have two close friends who just happen to be psychologists and both have been instrumental in my recovery. I have also spent some time talking with a 'well-trained' addiction counselor who just happens to be in recovery. He has been on the forefront of his profession for over 30 years and is a leading advocate for long-term 'sustainable' recovery. I highly respect each individual as both humanitarians and professionals.

Ideally, you want someone who can do more than prescribe useless medication. I'm talking about a trusted confidant and not some glorified professional or a certified nut job. They can probably do more harm than good. As far as suggestions go, well, there are many sources to choose from, and you can usual find a list at your local mental health clinic.

I know what you're asking, why choose a professional rather than some A.A. Old Timer? Well, it is actually quite simple: A Trustworthy advocate has a distinct advantage that may tip the scales in your favor. They can teach you how to handle stress better than the usual run-of-the-mill alcoholic. So it makes sense to seek their advice as well.

It's a difficult situation, I know, and confiding in a person that seems more like a complete stranger rather than a trusted confidant can make you doubt the entire process. Just remember; these individuals are highly trained professionals and are 'usually' more equipped to handle these situations rather than recovering alcoholics. And in my honest opinion, it will only serve you better in the long run. Trust me, I know.

I don't where I'd be today if things were different, but the probabilities would not have turned out well, at least not from my perspective. However, it is only 'my' opinion, but I'm sticking to it. I hope this helps.

-- Edited by Instant Dharma on Sunday 16th of April 2017 11:44:29 PM

Fyne Spirit · MIP Old Timer

I Guess you are posting here for AA experience strength and hope, so that is what I will stick to. Our big book is very clear about taking advantage of professional services by the way, so if you feel the need to get some help with the anxiety, by all means go for it. But don't place to high a expectation on it. Treatment for anxiety is not treatment for alcoholism.

We talk a lot in our big book about fear, another word for anxiety. Our existence seems to be shot through with it. We learn that the answer to fear is faith and, in my case, my faith was built on experience of getting through those fearful times, and learning about what caused them.

When I first came in I had lost the ability to think, to reason. It only took a few small things to get me tied up in knots, having that dreadful feeling that the sky was going to fall on me. The solution to that initially was daily contact with my sponsor. Whenever these events occurrred, every few days, he would help me unravel them and see the cause and effect. He had a good memory, and was good at asking questions helping me to reach my own conclusions.

My sponsor was able to help me enormously in getting one more day. But at the same time, I was interested in permanent recovery, and didn't want a life where I would be constantly looking to another person to sort out my problems for me. That wasn't freedom in my mind. Permanent recovery, I found through God, who I found through the steps.

I got into the 90 in 90 deal, and took that to be a metaphor for total immersion in AA. By 90 days I was into step 9 and had the promised spiritual awakening. The whole world seemed to change, and those defects of character, dodgy thinking, past memories, and people I would have to hide from, were all dealt with, and away went the fear.

I have to say this was a totally unexpected result. I started the journey full of fear and reluctance, but I think God gave me just enough courage and willingness to do what I needed to do. I didn't think it would work and therefore didn't bother to take a note of the date of my last drink. No one was more surprised than me when my sponsor rang to tell me I had made three months. And in all that time it had not occurred to me to drink. I never drank again.

From an AA point of view the only solution we have is the steps and program of recovery laid out in the big book. A lot of us have tried just not drinking, and the result was pretty much what you seem to be getting, and we usually end up doing more research. There is a whole new world awaiting you, "the best years of your existence lay ahead", and all you need to make a start is honesty, open mindedness, and willingness. But these are indispensible. If you are not willing to do what it takes, I suggest you do what ever you need to to get willing.

-- Edited by Fyne Spirit on Monday 17th of April 2017 05:10:12 AM

Pythonpappy · MIP Old Timer

Hi DJE, Welcome to MIP (Miracles In Progress) ... ... ...

Early in recovery, my sponsor told me that my 'thinker' was broken ... that alcohol was so much a part of my life that I could not discern between right and wrong, that I had lost the ability to use 'common sense' to make logical, rational, decisions ... He asked me if I drank before go'n to parties, or out with the guys, to get a head start ??? ... did I try to hide my drink'n ???, or how much I was drink'n from others ??? ... did I ever steal booze or money to just have another drink ???

He figured out real quick that I was incapable of clean, rational think'n ... I was in bad shape ... He led me to work diligently on the 12 steps and to go to meet'ns daily ... it became a habit, and slowly the promises came into my life ... as boring as today may get, it will never compare to the horror of my drink'n days ... Today is a gift, a great day, and the only thing that will take that away from me is to have a drink ... cause 1 drink is too many for me and a 1,000 is not enough ... so I stay away from it like poison ...

Love ya sister and God Bless,
Pappy

Bunchie · Veteran Member

DJE,
I was in the same place as you when i first stopped drinking, i was attending meetings intermittently and went to pass time, i did not get involved and before you know it i was drinking again. It's like Pappy said our brains are not thinking correctly and the only way to try and get thinking right is by adherence to honesty to repair what we took years to destroy. I am very early in recovery and it's the most important thing i have learned in 40 years .

ryananderes · Member

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