Hopefully I'm doing this correctly. If not, let me know and I'll post this somewhere else.
Been a heavy drinker since I was 18yrs old. I'm 37 now. Where I live, everyone and anyone is a regular drinker. Drinking never really got me in trouble sans maybe some dumb bets at the casino. No DUI's, no alcohol related arrests. Yes, I fully realize none of the above is an excuse.
Recently, my left side starting hurting. Went in, had blood drawn, found out my ALT is at 101 and my GGT is at 304U/L. GGT range is 15-83U/L. Basically my liver count is through the roof. Ok, fine, gotta chill out drinking for a bit. Figured it be easy. Not so much. I go a day, maybe 2, then I fall off the wagon, get hammered, and the next morning my side hurts again. Last night I was jonsing bad for some booze and I damn near drank a whole bottle of Canadian Club.
I gotta quit drinking. At least for a decent length of time. Figured it be easy, but it's hard. Wife works 2nd shift and I have two younger kids and I don't have time to go to any sort of AA meeting. Yes, I know I am making excuses. Yes, I am embarrassed and that's another reason I won't go to any sort of meeting or seek any sort of "live" help. Yes, I know I shouldn't be embarrassed.
Found this message board, hoping it will help if I talk with people on here.
Hi Slap,
aybe a bit of online AA, a bit of time here may help. A lot of us had trouble with the idea of meetings. Sometimes it was because we had the wrong idea about meetings, sometimes because we just not ready to quit for good. From your post you might be in that group. You mentioned needing to stop at least for a good while, which means, when your liver is better, you plan to make it sick again. Nothing wrong with that people do it all the time in all sorts of ways. Look at the dieter who rewards themselves with a "treat" which is the substance that has been causing all the problems.
The important thing is to keep an open mind. Meetings might be needed in the future as part of your recovery program. When my wife was diagnosed with terminal cancer, another terminal illness, we were very open minded. We followed every direction, met every appointment no argument. We got what was promised, about another year together. There never was any hope of a cure.
Yet when I was in active alcoholism, not the party kind but the misery kind, "yes but" was my most favorite saying. AA can save your life, go to a meeting.. Yes but it is not really convenient, and I don't think I would like it, and isnt there a thing about god? None of those things would have stopped my wife getting treatment for her illness, she would have regarded them as trivial nonsense. Yes but the alcoholic is different.
It usually takes 3 or 4 days to get past the initial withdrawal/cravings. It is a matter of hanging on, a minute or an hour at a time if necessary. Just one day, today. I know the days are long, but relief is in sight. Hang in there Slap.
There came a time in my life where I had to decide ... drink that poison and die -or- get help ... I chose to go to AA meetings where there were people successfully learning how to 'not drink' ... it's a choice we all had to make ... ... ... take a moment to decide what's more important in your life ... then decide, then act ...
Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Slapzilla, i had a friend who sounded exactly like you, was told to stop drinking, he did for awhile got a check up a year later, his liver counts returned to normal. Guess what happened next? He started drinking again, lost jobs, lost his marriage , then his life. He was diagnosed with cirrosis of the liver, was on list for liver transplant and passed away waiting, it was a horrible death, 44 years old, so my suggestion is quit now before the same happens to you, and guess what sobriety is wonderful.
Slapzilla your story sounds so similar to mine that I had to login and post. I'm 41, two young kids and now 2.5 years sober. Which is a miracle. Because I used to find it impossible to even get through a day without a drink ( or 15!!) My first way of reaching out was on this board, and I had hardly visited since.
I found reaching out hard, because I was ashamed and scared and to be honest going to my first meeting was even harder. Until I got in there that is. But I'm so glad I did, because quite honestly my life has completely changed. It is better in so many ways now, in almost every way really. I feel like a better dad, a better husband, I'm healthier, physically and mentally, I saved enormous amounts of money and I'm positive about my future. I wish you all the best, the best bit of advice I could give would be to say just try out a meeting. It's honestly the best thing I've ever done for myself and my family.
