i hit my rock bottom yesterday. i dont remember anything past 3pm yesterday. drove off road. no damage to vehicle or me, except a hangover and feeling worse about myself now. i drank 375mL of rum in 3 hours. ended up in hospital. i don't know if i still have a job to go back to. my husband says he may take my 7 week old son and leave me... i deserve that. I don't know how to stop. i went to aa meeting but didn't like religious references.. needing positive words of encouragement. how do you do it? how to stay sober... i do fine for a while then lose it when my brain goes into downward spiral... pls help
Sounds like you've completed step 1 of the 12 steps ... 1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol-that our lives had become unmanageable. ... now on to step 2 and 3 ... AA is not a 'religious' group ... but we do acknowledge that there is some 'Power' greater than us ... many of us concede to that power being God, or some power beyond our comprehension, it can be whatever power you chose or are comfortable with, but we FEEL it is there and have come to know it exists ... when we turned our will and our lives over to the care of this entity, miracles beyond our imagination started to happen ... and this only served to re-enforce this idea and belief of there actually being a power greater than us ... it's very hard to explain ... but He IS there, of that I have no doubt ...
If you have decided you cannot go on this way, with life have'n problems you cannot resolve, and you feel alcohol is 'calling the shots' and you can't live this way any longer, then you've come to the right place ... I suggest you go back to AA and stay long enough for you to get the feel for the program and the twelve steps of recovery ... after a few meet'ns, ask someone you feel you can relate to to be your sponsor ... someone who's happy with sobriety and with some sober time in their back pocket ... go get some coffee after a meet'n and discuss what they did to get sober and let them guide you through the program so you too can experience the joys of life you're throwing away right now ...
Of course you are welcome to come here and get other view points on other issues as well ... We are here to help ...
Love you and God Bless, Pappy
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
VK, you sound kind of desperate. I used to feel like that after a bad drunk. It was horrible.
We here are mostly alcoholics who stay sober one ay at a time. Mostly, we use AA as our recovery program. But there are other programs out there.
I thank you for sharing part of your story and welcome you to this discussion forum. Tell us some more wbout how you are doing. One thing I will tell you that I have learned about alcoholism. Very important.
Thank you. My husband says he is not going to leave me... i am desperate. i know i have a problem. I did contact a couple of outpatient centers here and left messages. No return calls yet tho. I feel better listening to other people's stories so I know i am not alone. i crawl up into a bottle and clam up. none of my friends understand. i dont understand why i choose booze over and over again, just to feel guilty and shame... just to want to numb it i do it again and the cycle continues. i am smarter than this. my actions are not logical. thanks for saying there's a way out. i need to find my way... i need support, as i'm not able to do this alone.
nobody but nobody understands an alcoholic like another alcoholic ... we've been in your shoes ... we could never explain WHY we drank like we did to our friends and families ... once we had that first drink, our minds turned stupid and we drank more because we suddenly craved it ... and unless we take 'action' to stop the insanity, we're doomed to a horrible life then death ...
We learned that most alcoholics are of higher intelligence than the average person but this never helped us stay sober until we got together and helped each other to solve the dilemma ... AA and its program of recovery is where many of us found the answers ... it worked when we worked it ... it was a choice we needed to make in order to find the life we never knew existed ...
AA is definitely a 'spiritual' program, not religious ... We must keep an 'open mind' as we learn the new way we need to 'think' ... as an example: my sponsor told me early on, to get on my knees and thank God for this day before I went to bed ... I told him I wasn't go'n to do that, cause it's been a lousy damn day and I wasn't go'n to be a hypocrite ... He said THAT doesn't matter, just do it ... so I did ... long story short, some time passed and while I was on the way to an AA meet'n one evening, a God I never knew came and sat in the seat next to me in the car ... the feel'n I got was indescribable ... I almost wrecked my car ... BUT, then and there, I knew there was a 'Higher Power' with me, watching over me ... (this is what we in AA refer to as a 'spiritual awakening' ... and we tend to have many of them over the course of our recovery) ...
Go to the Meetings, Keep an 'Open Mind', and don't drink, One Day At A Time ...
Love ya and God Bless, Pappy
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Hi VK.
Sending positive vibes your way. My heart goes out to you. I absolutely understand the discomfort with the God side of the program. I have so much I wish to share with you about my own experience and hope. I am at work but you are in my thoughts.
Amy
AA is designed to connect you to a power greater than yourself. Some call that power "God". This does not mean religion. If you fail to be open enough to connect with a power, you may have many more bottoms to come.
VK, don't let the religious thing stop you from going to meetings. The meetings aren't about religion. It's about being around other people who have the same problem as you do. And it's about taking action, 12 steps, that have worked for many people to help quit drinking. One of those steps tells you to find a higher power than yourself. Pick up a friggen rock, and call it a higher power. Let it represent the strength and hope you need.
im not a very religious person, either. But I needed to believe in something other than myself, to help me to quit drinking, because I tried many times using my own strength and willpower, and failed. Picking up a little rock, and calling it a higher power, might sound stupid, but you can use the rock as a symbol. A symbol of courage, strength, understanding, whatever you need.
you said you feel better when you hear other people's stories so you know you're not alone. Well, about 80% of the time spent in AA meetings, is listening to other people's stories. Only about 1 minute is used during the Lords Prayer. Just stay silent during that time, and talk to your rock.
VK, you've gotta do whatever it takes to beat this, or, it will beat you.
Baba Louie, that is a great suggestion.
There is a man in one of my groups who is Wiccan and he mentions God, he says "She" as in the Goddess Mother Earth.
Pretty cool.
Vk, i was very leary of the religious aspect of AA, but i realised after relapsing it was my denial of my drinking problem which created a denial of higher power. I thought to myself if i believe in God( which i do been a Catholic my whole life) why don't I believe in higher power? It sounds like you are in the same place i was . I believe if you deny the existence of a higher power , you are in denial of your problem. The higher power does not have to be religious, it is a way to deal with our alcoholism.
I used to think it was a bit odd, refusing a life saving solution because it conflicts with my personal beliefes or lack of. When my wife was diagnosed terminally ill, we just did everything we were told do without a thought.
But it is not all that odd really. If I needed a heart transplant, my personal beliefs would prevent me from killing someone else to get their heart. I would rather die.
A certain religion will not allow blood transfusions even if it is the only way to save a life.
Another religion, dominant in government, has banned the use of a vaccine that would save hundreds of children, because they don't like one of the ingredients.
I would guess there are many more examples where individuals or groups of individuals would rather die than change their beliefs, even if to do so would save their life. Is that just foolish, or is it an example of principled living? Who can say. But as far as alcoholism is concerned, an open mind has saved many more lives than a closed one.
Right on FS, ... my sponsor told me that the mind is just like a parachute, it only works iff'n it's open ... (just one of those expressions that made a big impact on me and my think'n)
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
