It is very concerning to me to come to this board and find very hurtful nasty things posted. The majority of posters and postings are fine. From time to time there have been postings which are just so very mean. People come here looking for a "safe" place. Some may never post and are just wanting to search for help and read what others have to say. It always makes me smile to see new posters who share with us. It takes courage to post for some of us struggling with this addiction. When hurtful posts are allowed here I believe there are some people who will not muster up that courage for fear of posting something which may cause a response like one I read this morning. That particular posting is several years old and that original poster may not come to this board anymore. It doesn't matter. That posting is now on the first page and there are many who will read it. And I believe there may be one or more people who may refuse to open up on this board for fear of being ridiculed and made to feel "stupid" for asking "dumb" questions. (And really...there are no "dumb" questions.) A few years ago, when I first came to this board, I was already feeling so very bad about myself and I know I would not have wanted to risk doing something which would have made me feel worse about myself than I already felt.
I read this online ....
"When name calling gets taken to this new level, it is not okay. Name calling may also occur online. When this happens, unless you know the person who said it is joking, the intent is malicious. When name calling is meant with malicious intent, it is always considered bullying."
I am posting this in hopes that those responsible for this kind of "bullying" behavior remember that their words can have a lasting affect on others. We need to express our love and concern for others and we need to do it in a loving and caring manner. This disease has the power to kill us and if any of you are like me, sometimes it is hard to dismiss hurtful things which are said to us. I think it is very inappropriate to use this or any board as a means to attack and put down other alcoholics just trying to find a way to survive. Perhaps it would be a good idea to refrain from posting if you feel like you cannot do so without name calling and bullying someone else. It may make you feel better in some strange way, however, it may be the straw that breaks the camel's back for someone on the receiving end of it.
Thank you and have a Blessed day.
-- Edited by leavetherest on Sunday 17th of July 2016 07:18:46 AM
Thanks so much jad! That is going to be my new motto! I just love it! Well, actually you have given two new "mottos" for me to keep in mind. I just cut and pasted them and put them in my notepad so I can see them and memorize them.
Yes, after that so called post wasn't pulled and I got questioned by another poster about my "thoughts", I decided to keep my mouth shut from now on about that kind of thing. Besides, I have my hands full taking care of myself and I can still care about people in other ways without that kind of thing bother me. I will just be grateful for people like you and others on here who are very supportive and caring :):):)
So you folks are on your own. Can't "protect" anyone but myself. (Ok, ok......you all can stop applauding now...LOL!)
here's more about "dweeb" (I have a few minutes before I get to work doing something more productive with my time).....
Dweeb: "a boring, studious, or socially inept person".
Hmmm.....I can be boring. I will say I am much more "boring" sober than when I was drunk. I really like being boring in that case. Studious...I like that and I am spending much more time studying and reading so that's a "keeper" for me. Socially inept----yep, that'd be me.
Everything can be a learning experience. Thank you, Baby Huey. I learned a lot and it is still early.
Oh...
Baby Huey: "A gigantic and naive cartoon character".
(Can't beat em might as well join em..LOL)
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-- Edited by leavetherest on Tuesday 19th of July 2016 06:48:59 AM
Thank God for the fellowship and sponsors and the spiritual nature of recovery. There are many answers for negative behaviors of the alcoholic...ego, pride and such and the one I keep in the forefront of my mind I read on the back of a black tee shirt printed in large white letters...I was walking behind this person with my wife, a witness to the saying "Instant asshole...just add alcohol". I know that was a God shot because of what it did to and for my spirit and value system. Don't know if the person wearing the shirt was alcoholic or a victim of our disease...doesn't matter, I got the message. When in doubt....DON'T!!
Dork: "Someone who has odd interests, and is often silly at times. A dork is also someone who can be themselves and not care what anyone thinks."
I do have some odd interests......like being on this board and trying to "tame" it down a bit....ha! I am often silly at times ...that's for sure and I don't want to change that.
Give me some time and hopefully I will have that being myself and "not caring what anyone thinks" part down pat one day :)
Hey...btw...what are Donald and Daisy up to these days????? LOL!
I had no idea that there is an urban dictionary meaning of that word. I just like it on my tuna salad.
Thanks for making me laugh over all this silly stuff, Baba. Humor is great and I doubt seriously I will get my feathers ruffled as much. I feel different about that whole s***uation.
Alcoholic: "A person suffering from alcoholism"....won't make any jokes about that--it is certainly not funny.
Why I stopped posting , not necessarily name calling or bullying, but I find people are over sensitive about their disease, and if one offers an opinion on a subject it is immediately turned down as foolish or nonsense, when it is just an opinion from another struggling alcoholic who sees things differently. I am new to sobriety but I am finding out that a lot of members of alcoholics anonymous are myopic and cult like. Whatever floats your boat I believe in a higher power but I think I can remain sober on my own terms without the stringent rules of AA ruling my life.
LOL ... ... ... it has been my observation that UNLESS one has about 20+ years living the AA way of life, steps 10, 11, & 12, ... ... they are STILL so very immature they have very little in mature think'n go'n on cause they haven't grown up yet ... alcohol 'stunts' mature think'n ... and it takes a long time to 'fix' that ...
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Bunchie, you just keep doing whatever it is you're doing to stay sober. It's obviously working,
for some people, like me, we use a little bit of AA, a little bit of something else, and some other things. It's working for me so far, so I'm sticking to my own special program, that is especially tailored for me, by me, usingmany resources, including, but not limited to, AA.
I try to take a little of anything that makes sense.
For some people, though, they've tried different ways to stay sober, and it didn't work. So, they just went all in with AA. And for a lot of them, it works. For some, they have to keep trying. Nothing wrong with that. As long as you don't give up, you've got hope.
Some people here use AA only. Some people, like me, use a multitude of things: books, advice from other people who have stayed sober for a long time, and, learning from others peoples failures and successes.
Dont think that every person that posts on this board is an "AA is the only way" type of person. Not everybody is.
Me, personally, I learned a lot from the Big Book, and, I occasionally attend meetings. It's cool to be around other people who are in the same boat, and I feel not like such a misfit in society, when I go to a meeting, and see that there are other people just like me. Like me, because they had/have a big problem with alcohol.
dont let anything discourage you about this board, or,,AA in general. There's lots of good stuff to be taken from AA. The bad stuff, or, shall I say the stuff you don't agree with, well, you just don't let it bother you, and forget about it. "Take what you want, and leave the rest behind" I'm sure you've heard that before.
we all have the same goal here: to get sober, and stay sober.
There isnt any rule on this forum that says you have to be an AA member, and follow its guidelines strictly, by the book, to participate in our discussions. If there were, I wouldn't be here.
All you have to be here is a person who wants to stay sober.
I know that I responded to a posting you did about meeting attendance when one is having trouble staying sober. I got the feeling that I inadvertently hurt your feelings by what I posted. I am sorry if that is the case. Certainly was not my intention and I sure do not want something I said to be one of the reasons you get discouraged about AA and/or this board.
I am guilty of getting all gung ho about AA at times in the past. I am off my high horse now though. I am more like others who have posted on here and I am doing different things besides only AA to help keep me sober. Also, I am also trying to keep my mouth shut about advising other people what to do. It is not my place.
Again, sorry if I crossed the line in any of my postings.
-- Edited by leavetherest on Saturday 23rd of July 2016 04:44:03 AM
Well, Paps, after I wrote it, I started thinking, and, it's something you've said many times: some of us are/were sicker than others.
For some, they are so deep in the trap, that AA is the only solution. For others, they may find a way to do it other than AA. For, me, like I said, I try to use everything.
A friend of mine, who has been sober for 4 years now (I've got 2 years) and I, we were doing a remodeling job together yesterday. And we took a break to go to the store. I said "Joe, you know, I very ever rarely have the desire to drink alcohol anymore. But for some reason, doing this stupid remodeling job makes me want to drink. I said "do you know what I mean?" And he said "yeah, it's like we're impatient, and just want to get the job done, and get the f#< outta there". And I was thinking, if we were drinking beer, the job would've been fun, relaxing even...like no hurry...just grab me another cold one out of the cooler, bro.
Not enough to make me actually get a 12 pack and bottle of whiskey. It wasn't like I had a battle going on, whether to drink or not. That's out of the question. But, it did make me remember doing other jobs like this, and they weren't so "let's hurry up so we can get the hell outta here" feeling.
Be'n a 'Handyman' myself, I've come across some building or remodel projects that have made me 'FEEL' exactly the same way ... until I 'play the tape' all the way through ...
you take a hot summer day, and a project that requires some 'muscle', and you got a situation where 'cold refreshments are almost 'mandatory' ... and choosing non-alcoholic used to require effort ... that is until I played the tape of where drink'n would've ended up ...
You know I did that for years ... I mean I would go buy several cases of beer and have a couple buddies over to build my 3-car garage (over two or three weekends) ... once the concrete was poured, the rest was a piece of cake ...
No doubt we could have finished earlier, and done a bit better job, but we enjoyed the whole process ... that is, until we all aged to the point the beers just made us want to 'nap'n all the time ... LOL ... We hit that point in life that when we got together to work, all we did was drink ... then we started get'n hurt ... fall'n off ladders and sh!t ... cut'n off fingers and nearly whole arms ... come to think of it ... I REALLY SHOULD BE DEAD ... ... ...
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
