oh Tanin.... Thank you so much! I picked up my 30 day chip. I had told myself I wasn't going to pick up chips. I would be considered "the white chip wonder" at least in my meetings that is what they call people who can't stay sober and keep relapsing. (Very cruel remark IMO). This last go-round I didn't pick up a white chip because I didn't trust myself and felt others would be snickering under their breath and think I wasn't serious and would just go out and drink again....and I wasn't sure if I could stay sober myself. (I still have a fear I won't be able to and will screw up again--"One day at a time" is my favorite AA slogan.) Some meetings I was attending do day counts up to a year. I don't attend those meetings like I was doing because my days would go up, then back down and it was causing me too much stress. I could go and just keep my mouth shut, then I worried that people would think I was still actively drinking.
I know I shouldn't worry what others think, it is my sobriety (or lack thereof as has been in the past :( and I will try to keep that in mind and try and not worry what others think about me. Life would certainly be so much easier. Until I reach that point, I have to try and keep stress down.
Thanks again for thinking of me, Tanin. I love coming here and feeling like I am not being judged.
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-- Edited by leavetherest on Wednesday 22nd of June 2016 07:42:38 AM
Congrats on the 30 days. I have been 12 days and it really is funny I feel like someone took over my body, my temper is mellowing; not really temper but frustrations are not bothering me, my work I am more engaged with also. If you can do 30 days that is a positive sign meaning you can keep going strong , adhere to the same principles that got you to thirty and before you know it you will be at 60, that's what I am trying to do just keep my nose to the grindstone of sobriety.
Your Friend Bunchie
Thank you, Bunchie. Twelve days is wonderful and glad that you feel so much better! I'm feeling much better too! I really enjoy your postings and hope to "see" you more here. There are been quite a few people who used to be on this board --some on a daily basis--and who are not here anymore. I sure miss them! Hope you stick around here. This board has helped me so very much and the posters have been really great about helping and encouraging me to stay sober. When I relapsed and shared here, I felt welcomed and cared about. This is a very special place. Sure, once in a while, there will be postings I don't agree with, and I surely have posted some "nasties" when I have not been in a very good place. I am trying to work on myself and I need to not fret so about others' words and actions and work on my own....still so much more work to do....sigh.
Congrats LTR on 30 days. You seriously need to stop worrying about what the other people in your meetings think about you. All the worrying and drama you create in your head is taking up space in your brain, let it go :)
Chris,
Thank you and Amen to what you said. I pray everyday to God to help make me more confident in myself. I think that has been the biggest obstacle for me--insecurity. Before I walk into every meeting I go to, I say a little prayer to God to help me not worry what others think of me. Also, I try to remember something my first sponsor told me....."Don't worry about what others think of you because most of the time they are not thinking about you at all--they are too busy thinking about themselves".
xo
