Boy can I really mess up! I have behaved out of character all because of fear. I thought I had a grasp on my emotions but I have a LONG way to go. I seem to run everyone away, I believe it is because I don't want to get hurt. I just want to stop this madness, this time it was because of jealousy. I discovered something and instead of just having some acceptance and respect the situation for what it is and walk away, I confronted the person and probably caused them pain. See to them, they did nothing wrong but in my eyes I was wronged (pour me) and I wanted them to feel my pain. I really was trying to back away from the situation because they are using, but instead I acted childish and petty. I have never admitted to the person I am in recovery because truthfully I don't trust them. I asked God for forgiveness and them as well, no reply from them, so I will work on myself. I have a lot on my plate right now and I know I'm not emotionally ready for a relationship but I took the cowards way out! Help!!
Glad you found us ... not sure how long you've been in recovery, but keep'n a leash on my tongue was a 'hard one' for me too ... especially the first year ...
I took things way too seriously and would lash out at anyone look'n at me the wrong way ... when I learned I couldn't 'take back' what I said, I finally learned to keep my thoughts to myself for a bit before opening my mouth ... LOL, not an easy thing to learn ... (reminds me of what the Big BB sez: ... the tongue is sharper than a two-edged sword) ...
This is all part of learning to live sober ... we learn to live with a desire NOT to hurt others no matter how much we feel they deserve the pain ... we learn that to judge others is not our place nor responsibility ... (if we all got what we deserved, I doubt any of us would be here, we'd have been long gone) ...
Making 'amends' is not easy ... in fact, it's very uncomfortable to admit to someone that we were wrong and did things we shouldn't have, and that we are sorry for what we did or how we treated others ... and we must not think that the other person is obligated to forgive us, they're not ... but cleaning up our side of the street is very, very important to gaining full recovery from this disease ... (it helps in getting rid of the fear too) ...
Love ya and God Bless, Pappy
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
I agree with Roger on this one: Making direct amends is the only way to handle the situation, even if that means apologizing. If we don't, it will only prolong the inevitable. The only way to move on without any future regrets is to say I'm sorry, now. Believe me, it makes all the difference.
It's easy to say things we don't always mean. Trust me, I know. My first wife was the victim of most of my alcoholic tirades. Whether she played a role in those tirades -or not- were never in doubt, but my motivations certainly were. So when it came to the amends step, I had to man up and say I'm sorry. She did not forgive me at first, but we were able to reconcile our differences over the course of time. It was the best decision I ever made, guaranteed.
If hindsight is truly 20/20 then why do we feel so terrible -that's how I felt initially. But after years of therapy and just as many years sober, I've come to the point where amends just comes natural for me. But that realization did not evolve overnight. It took years of trial and error before I came to that understanding, so don't beat yourself up over this. I suggest you make amends as quickly as possible and simply move on. It's the only way to confront those demons head on, trust me I know. Welcome to M.I.P.
-- Edited by Mr_David on Wednesday 18th of May 2016 04:07:12 PM
I suggest you make amends as quickly as possible and simply move on. It's the only way to confront those demons head on, trust me I know. Welcome to M.I.P. ...I echo that from Mr. David as it is my experience also. Recognizing how important the amends process is makes it a primary step in my recovery. I came to understand that often I left my victims with the belief that they were to blame for my wrong doing and the amends set them from that belief. Keep coming back..
When I was first sober, I didn't trust my feelings, always felt angry at people and wanted to lash out so they felt my pain. I saw that and I TRY to think about what I'm angry about and how the other person feels before I say something I can't take back. I'm still extremely green at sobriety but I can relate to how you feel. Jen
