I just realized today that even though I was sober for awhile, I think I was a Dry Drunk. I read this on google.....
"Dry Drunk Syndrome Defined. The term dry drunk is believed to originate from 12 Step recovery groups. It is used to describe those who no longer drink alcohol but in many ways behave like they were still in the midst of addiction. The dry drunk may be full of resentment and anger."
Although I felt somewhat happy, joyous and free for a good while after working the Steps, I started feeling those negative emotions. Although I prayed everyday and kept doing (for awhile) other things to help keep me sober, my attitude was becoming really negative. Things which I had learned not to let get to me, got to me. And I was again becoming more and more depressed and discontent. Instead of reading the Big Book, working on my resentments as they came up, I was clinging onto them. I think it was out of fear that if I let stuff go, I would open myself up to get hurt again. Instead of talking to others --well mainly LISTENING to others, I seemed to want to stay po'd and feel sorry for myself. And I need to pull myself out of it because I feel I am still that way.
I am reading the BB everyday, coming on here several times a day and have found it very helpful. I call my sponsor everyday and we have our first meeting later today. I am being very open to everything I need to do and what I need to do differently. I have heard people in the rooms say that if their sponsor told them to do backflips, they would. Well, I cannot do any flips, but I will do most anything else to stay sober. One of the biggest things I know I have to do is more thorough reading of the Big Book. I think it is going to save me from myself. I am taking notes now while I read each chapter and will ask either you guys or my sponsor for help with things I do not understand. I desperately want to stay sober. I know I do not want to be a dry drunk. I want that "happy, joyous and free" and I now feel more willing than I have ever felt before to figure out how to get to that point.
Interesting point about the Dry Drunk Syndrome. I have a lot of bad mental habits I know I need to clean house on, assertiveness being a skill I need to develop that comes to mind. I also have a tendency to not express how I feel and tend to suppress them and clam up in personal and confrontational situations. Allowing these to happens leads to stress from the resentment I'm holding inside and it's really something I'm working on. Saying "Yes" when I really need to say "No" creates stress. Trying to please people creates stress. I'm reading a book to address the assertiveness problem and need to work on it. Another is procrastination, which leads to more stress, as well as perfectionism. Not sure which step these realizations fall under, I've just been been making notes with an honest view of what stresses me out and what I can do to take affirmative action to resolve them and build new skills. I have no doubt I have many others I need to uncover but those are the ones staring me in the face.
Thanks for pointing this out leavetherest. Gives me lot's to think about. All these negative thinking habits it's no wonder I wanted to drink so much.
