I got no complaints about it. It's kinda the whole reason this site is here, right?

Hey have you been able to have any discussions with anyone about the 12 steps yet? Got any questions? Feel free to ask them here.

When I was getting started, the stuff in chapter three, "More About Alcoholism" was a big help. It really did a good job of describing some of the odd mental twists that would happen in my thinking when I was drinking - the rationalizing, the minimizing, etc., and all of the odd senseless attempts to try to continue drinking but to somehow control and enjoy my drinking, when all evidence should have made it clear that I was someone who just could never reliably, predictably, do that.

Check out the analogy about the 'problem jaywalker' in chapter three. It's not just that the guy is really bad at jaywalking, it's that despite all the evidence that he's someone who can't successfully jaywalk, he keeps obsessively trying to figure out how to keep jaywalking, instead of seeing that he is someone who obviously needs to not jaywalk.

My thinking about my drinking had been like that. And the first big change for me was when I finally stopped trying to figure out how to drink & use successfully, admitted that such an idea could never work for me, and started trying to figure out how to stay sober successfully. My whole thinking, my entire goal, changed. That was step one for me. 

And even now, all these years later, Step One is STILL extremely important for me. Because when I was drinking, I would spend all day at work thinking about 'how I'm going to drink tonight', and how I'm going to somehow control it and enjoy it, even though such an idea was obviously insane, given the events of every frikking night for the previous several years which should have made it clear that my 'plan' was just delusional. BUT - and here's the thing that I need to remember even today - every time I would be obsessing about some 'plan' for how I was going to drink that night, I WAS TECHNICALLY SOBER while I was thinking those crazy thoughts. I didn't have any alcohol in my brain at those moments, and yet I was completely unable to see the insanity of my thinking, and the insanity of that first drink. And THAT is what I need to watch for even now - the insanity of that first drink - the idea that somehow, some day, I will be able to drink normally and socially like people who are not alcoholics. Because left to my own devices, without the support and the tools of AA in place in my life, I just might buy into that kind of insane thinking once again, like I did during those days before I found the solution in AA. A thorough understanding of Step One, and then implementing the tools found in the rest of the steps, can prevent that from happening. So far, it's been working well for quite a few years.

 

I gotta say, it's really wonderful to see a new member so eager to dive into the 12 steps like that. However, I gotta encourage you to consider going through all of the steps, from the beginning, with a sponsor who has lots of experience with the 12 steps. I would have missed out on soooo much if I had tried to do the steps just on my own. Having the benefit of another member who can offer their own experience, one-on-one to help me go through the steps, was extremely important for me. Maybe you could start looking around for a good sponsor in the new meetings right after you move? 

I hope you will always keep posting. You are helping me.

sorbsauce wrote:

---

Well I'm glad I am helping. I just don't know if I am capable of staying sober for a long period of time

---

 That's why we do this one day at a time. We CAN do that.

Your post is always valid to the theme of the site: alcoholism. I have no problem with that.

Thanks Pappy.. I'm going to hit two meetings today. And I also decided that I was fine enough to try a relationship and I was wrong.

"Knowing there's a 'solution' to the 'drink'n problem' will make your trying to drink a real downer from now on, you'll not be able to 'enjoy' it ... your mind will keep tell'n you to stop, but you'll keep on and on and on until things seem hopeless, 'the bottom' will be just around the corner ... keep that in mind also ... many of us don't make it through that period ..." YUP. Drinking ceases to ever be "fun" once you see the poison for what it really is. I miss it. I can admit that. The days of feeling carefree and having a blast while buzzed. Unfortunately, it turned into an anesthetic that I would escape into in order to get away from the very feelings it helped cause. And once I found AA? It took me at least two drinks to push away the voices telling me to use my better judgment. There's nothing at all fun about that. That's why we need to break up with it completely and start working through our BS. It's a long battle, but the alternative is pretty miserable.

Its sunny outside and starting to warm up. I feel crappy because of it. Everyone is out with friends. The dorms are eerily quiet and empty. I am doing homework now so I guess that'll help keep me busy. I did any errands I might need to do. My room is pretty empty because I got my car mostly packed to move home next Friday. I keep thinking I'll be more happy at home but then I'll be around an asshole father, and I'll just be watching my step sisters hang out with all of their friends. I don't know how many times last summer I went to the beach alone. Its just sad really. Yeah I can read a ton of books but that only helps for so long. My only hope really is that I will meet real friends at AA down there. People I can hang out with and what not. It's a weird feeling not remembering what it feels like to be happy. I can't remember. I just know how it felt to be trashed and at a bonfire with a ton of people having a good time, or sailing with the tiller in one hand and a bottle of rum in the other. I wish I could have that much fun sober. All my "friends" stopped hanging out with me since I got sober. No one texts me to ask what I am up to, no one knocks on my door, and if I leave my door open, no one peeks their head in. The people I used to spend time with in my hall don't even say hi to me anymore. They just walk passed me in the hall and look straight forward. I'm moving into a different hall next year with a roommate. I like the guy I am moving in with so that is good. As a friend I mean. He has a girlfriend though so he wont be around much. Maybe I'll make friends in that hall.. Maybe I wont. Every time I tell myself the serenity prayer I just get more anxious about how much is out of my control. I have had the serenity prayer tattooed on my arm for almost a year now. I got it long before I joined AA. I just liked it haha. Weird isn't it? But yeah, I pray and then get maybe 5 min of peace and then sure enough I am overwhelmed by anxiety.

Thats a very good point Dave. Thanks. I hope those better days come soon. I went to a meeting at noon today and going again at 8pm. From what I heard, none of them really do much outside of the meetings. They bring up fairly often that none of us would have met or really mended together if it werent for AA. So I dont even know if we would all get along other than the common addiction to alcohol.

That sounds great Pappy haha. I think part of my issue is I am always sitting around waiting for something to happen. Growing up I was always the one asking around to hang out with people and I got sick of it. I wanted to see who would try to hang out with me and I adopted it full time. Then, and now, I never get asked to go hang out with anyone. My home group as of now doesnt do anything together outside of AA. I am hoping that the ones down state are more outgoing. Course it is still winter here so going outside is cold haha. One person in my group owns a local hockey team so next fall I might ask him if he wants to go ice skating now and then or something like that. Get together to watch hockey. He gave me his card to call him but I hate that I am leaving in a week.

That is a great example Dave. I could get into battlebots haha that stuff looks like a lot of fun. Yeah I hope people who are using those are sober haha I would hate to see one of those drive passed me on the sidewalk in town. The main thing keeping me sober is I want to drink, and then I think about how I'll feel afterward. I will still want to be sober and I'll have to go through all of this crap all over again.

I think we have a movie/money making idea here

that's right about the only one who can keep him sober is himself. I know that for a fact. when i have wanted and have drank--no one could stop me.

I hope that your dr. can give you some more effective pain pills. in the meantime, maybe there are online suggestions from others who have suffered from a concussion and are and have dealt with the neck soreness. I hope you feel better soon

I use a heat pad alot....feel the need to share that I stayed on it everyday for back pain until I had horrible black and blue bruising that took weeks to go away. Now I watch how long I use it.

I have a fear of thunder! Big booms make me jump and I am like a scared dog, wanting to crawl under a piece of furniture and hide. And I won't even go into when the lights go out during a storm!

And for some types of migraines, Ask your doctor about Botox. In some cases, it works very well for treating migraines

(that's what Botox was originally developed to treat in the first place). And it makes you look faaabulous!  

Just got to this thread and thought the part about working the steps was very significant. Obviously, it has been suggested, it is wise to work the steps with somoene who has had a spiritual experience as the result of working the steps. It would have been impossible for me to tackle step four on my own, and even with the hands on help of a sponsor, it looks like it was written by a child. (mainly because it was). It was effective though. I still have it and there is nothing in it that would hurt anyone that read it, or incriminate me. It did manage to list all of my character defects and how they affected me, and it was surprisingly accurate.

The thing was I initially did not understand about the chracter defects, and needed to hve each explained as I went.

Step 5, IME, can often be best done with a priest, who are trained for this sort of thing and can keep everything you tell them confidential. According to the big book promises for the fifth step, page 75 , great changes begin when this step is completed. That was my experience. It was the start of my ne wlife, and I felt it deep inside.

In the Doctor's Opinion it states of alcoholics of my type "Unless this man can have a complete psychic change (spiritual experience), there is very little hope of his recovery". It sounds like you are just two steps away from beginning your spiritual experience.

Step 10 is and was a lifesaver for me. In the introduction it says "Vigorously we commenced this way of living AS we cleaned up the past" Step 10 suggests we clean up any new mistakes as we go to avoid creating another mess. And we are to do this right from the start.

Those are two major areas that were behind my obsession with alcohol, driving that desire to drink that you mentioned. I reckon you are very close to solving that. It is certainly better to work with a sponsor, but the most important thing is to get into them, as a way of life, before that obsession knocks you over.

The steps are never done, well maybe the first nine are, but the rest are a design for living that really works, as long as we follow it of course. It's no fun hanging on one miserable day at a time. Makes much more sense to hve the problem removed completely

oh yikes! I dont really heat it up that hot haha. I totally relate with the thunder thing haha.

Yeah ok Pappy haha. You're the owner that laughs at the dog and we are the dogs with our tails between our legs haha. I have tried the ice pack before. The heat pad is fairly new for me. I have the 800mg ibuprofen but it doesnt help much.

LOL fabulous. Sorry, I had to say it in a fruity voice. Cracking myself up.

Fyne what you just said made perfect sense. I want to get working on 4 but I figured for the more complicated stuff I should have a sponsor to call out any bullshit I might add. If I add any.

Marc you'll get to hear me whine about the huge rain storm we're about to get. Isn't it funny hearing a guy almost 20 years old shaking in his boots from some rain? Pappy posted something that made me laugh. It said "If you ever feel insignificant just remember, you are unique.. just like everyone else." lol

Excellent. I had been considering suggesting that you maybe try to initiate something like that, but I figured it would be better to just wait a bit and let you decide what you wanted to do all on your own. And viola! Well done.

sorbsauce wrote:

---

Tonight after our meeting I stood outside with some AA members my age and it was really great. We stood outside for almost an hour just talking about anything. And someone else brought up doing a crafts day and I'm going to start pushing that we all start doing stuff together outside of AA. I may not be able to lead the meetings because I am not 6 months sober yet but hell I can get us out having fun together haha.

---

 This is a great step forward ... I wish you all the best ... 

At our meeting today, the guy that I thought was going to go out drinking ended up there. It was open discussion. He talked for about 10 minutes about how he and all of us are hopeless alcoholics. Talked about how God dealt us shit hands because someone has to take them in order for others to be happy. How our existence is purely to be miserable. One of the guys that I always see smiling or giggling ended up crying. A few people cried actually. Yet no one told him to stop talking. I dont know if we can tell him to stop or what. I think we all expected there to be something good at the end but there was no good in anything he said.

I tried to look at what he said and decide I would never grow up to be like him, but now that I am back in the dorms I just feel more depressed because of it. The weather doesnt help either. It is 38 degrees and raining. Also because of exams we are in dead hour. Its dead silence on campus until all exams are over next weekend. Its eery and everyone has their doors closed.

DaveP beats me to it every time, LOL ... ... ... Ditto what he said ... I could not agree more ... Well said Dave, and thanks ...

Thanks guys. Just to be clear, I do not mean to discount that man's pain in any way. Whatever he is going through, I'm sure it's serious stuff. I've had my own share of serious stuff in sobriety too, so I know what serious pain in sobriety feels like. I've experienced the sudden death of close friends, the death of my father, I've endured multiple major surgeries, and even spent about a year learning how to walk all over again. Pappy and others here on this board have also had their own full plate of life's challenges to deal with during their sobriety. Pain and grief really sucks, and I hope that guy finds his way through it with the help that is readily available to him, just as so many others in AA have done. 

But even during my darkest hours it simply would NOT have been acceptable for me to be telling others in AA, especially new people, that being an alcoholic is "hopeless" or that "God dealt us all a shit hand" or especially that "our existence is purely to be miserable". That's not only untrue, it's irresponsible.  

The TRUTH is that life happens to us, with all the good and all the bad too, and I can say without any hesitation at all that sobriety is still the best thing that has ever happened to me, and the fact that I am sober not only makes life worth living, it is without a doubt the single most important factor that contributed to me being able to get through those bad days so that I'm still around to experience all of the GOOD days that are ALSO a part of life.

This reminds me of:



                                                        Why We Were Chosen

God in His wisdom selected this group of men and women to be purveyors of His goodness. In selecting them through whom to bring about this phenomenon He went not to the proud, the mighty, the famous or the brilliant. He went instead to the humble, to the sick, to the unfortunate. He went right to the drunkard, the so-called weakling of the world. Well might He have said the following words to us:
"Unto your weak and feeble hands I have entrusted a power beyond estimate. To you has been given that which has been denied the most learned of your fellows. Not to scientists or statesmen, not to wives or mothers, not even to my priests or ministers have I given this gift of healing other alcoholics which I entrust to you."

"It must be used unselfishly; it carries with it grave responsibility. No day can be too long; no demands upon your time can be too urgent; no case can be too pitiful; no task too hard; no effort too great. It must be used with tolerance for I have restricted its application to no race, no creed, and no denomination. Personal criticism you must expect; lack of appreciation will be common; ridicule will be your lot; your motives will be misjudged. You must be prepared for adversity, for what men call adversity is the ladder you must use to ascend the rungs toward spiritual perfection, and remember, in the exercise of this power I shall not exact from you beyond your capabilities."

"You are not selected because of exceptional talents, and be careful always, if success attends your efforts not to ascribe to personal superiority that to which you can lay claim only by virtue of my gift. If I had wanted learned men to accomplish this mission, this power would have been entrusted to the physician and scientist. If I had wanted eloquent men, there would have been many anxious for the assignment, for talk is the easiest used of all talents with which I have endowed mankind. If I had wanted scholarly men, the world is filled with better qualified men than you who would be available. You were selected because you have been the outcasts of the world and your long experience as drunkards has made or should make you humbly alert to the cries of distress that come from the lonely hearts of alcoholics everywhere."

"Keep ever in mind the admission you made on the day of your profession in AA -- namely that you are powerless and that it was only with your willingness to turn your life and will unto my keeping that relief came to you."

-- Anonymous

I only feel "hopeless" when I drink. When I was staying sober and not letting people and things get to me I was happier than I have ever been in my life....even happier than I was as a child and long before I knew I was an alcoholic. AA and sobriety gave me hope. When I picked up again and again, I became more and more hopeless. I know in my heart that if I do not work harder than I have ever worked in my life on my sobriety and try to learn so much more than I have ever learned that I will die a hopeless drunk.

That is sure the truth! In comparison to drinking and dying. I sure hope I always remember that.

Hey sorry I have been gone. Exams for dayss haha. Had my last one today. Now I just have work tomorrow and Thursday and finally on Friday I am headed home. Yeah I need to work on the little things haha. They all build up into one big thing. Feeling pretty good. Just general tiredness but that is probably because of exam stress. I look forward to being able to sleep in my own bed at home. My phone crashed.. Verizon said it had faulty software so they are mailing me a new one. I dont really need it though. No one texts me. I just use it for the calendar and games. Lost a lot of music so that sucks but oh well. Now I am not anchored to my phone haha. I am a little worried about going home in the sense that I will be alone a lot. I hate being alone most of the time and I dont have a single friend there.

Thanks. My dad will be glad to see me so he can have me do yard work and clean the house. That is all he will be glad about. I'm going to try to be at the beach or work as much as possible.

Home for me is Spring Lake, Michigan. I looked at their schedule for AA and they have a lot there too. I can also take a short ride into Grand Haven with more meetings there as well.
Thanks! Looking like I passed all of my classes haha. Now summer courses start..

Glad to see they have a lot of meetings there! Oh yeah, did you ever get in touch with 'Michigan Young People in AA'?

Info is here: http://mcypaa.org/events/     or here:   http://mcypaa.org/  There are some email contacts listed in various places on the site.

They may be able to help you get in touch with other young people in AA in your area to hang out with during the summer. Give them a shout.

Yeah, I don't know what that guy in your meeting is thinking. The Big Book is pretty clear about that stuff and my own experience has confirmed it. We can do all sorts of things, including things that we did before we got sober and a whole lot of stuff we could NEVER have done when we were drinking. There are only a few exceptions, like if I were hanging out in a bar and telling myself I'm doing it 'just to see what's going on' when I'm secretly romancing the idea of drinking as I watch others drink. That kind of behavior is just insanity and I have no business doing that, but everything else is wide open. 

I got sober pretty young too, and never got divorced or even arrested. But when I would think 'maybe I wasn't that bad', it helped to remember those last days of my drinking, and more important than what I was doing, how I felt. That terrible sense of impending doom, that sense of panic when I would wake up in the morning, that sense of dread as I faced the task of somehow getting through another day. I made a point to commit those days to memory.  We didn't get to AA by accident. 

Yeah that whole 'one day at a time' thing takes some practice. But the truth is that you have no idea if you are 'going to want to drink so bad' or not at some point off in the future. And even if you do feel that way, you STILL don't have to drink, and you already have some good tools to help you stay sober. Try to stay in today.

I hope you get a good sponsor as soon as you move home. A good sponsor can be a great help for this kind of stuff.

Hee hee. It's STILL hard for ME to listen to country music.     ROCK N ROLL, DUDE!!!!!  

-- Edited by davep12and12 on Wednesday 27th of April 2016 12:23:46 PM

I hear you sorbsauce......hang in there....we can fight this thing together and we sure have lots of support on this board. Feels so good knowing we are not alone, doesn't it?

If you sign up for Pandora, and don't mind the occasional 'AD' ... you can literally get 'any' kind of music for 'background' purposes, FREE ... I love it ... if you sit there and do the 'thumbs up or thumbs down' thingy, then they'll tailor the music you like and play only that, but it takes a while for them to know exactly what your taste in music is ... and if you have a smart phone, then you can play it on that as well ... 

 

Sweet!

Hey guys sorry I have been gone for a bit again. Packing up my car and saying bye to friends. It is sad but I look forward to seeing everyone again next fall. I felt sad leaving the Alano club today. Everyone gave me hugs and they all want me to call over the summer. Newish girl had been coming around too. I know we should wait until we have a year of sobriety before considering a relationship but yeah. She said since I was leaving she wanted me to sign her papers. I think for parole or something. But yeah. I dont even know her last name or have her number. But I know that she is a few years older. She smiles at me quite a bit but still, I really have no idea who she is or anything. Just wish I had more time in town to get to know her. Oh well I guess. Maybe she'll be around in the fall eh? Anyway I am really glad I went into the Alano club. They have come to be more of a family. Had a few people offer to let me stay at their houses over the summer if I want to visit. I think if she did like me by any chance, she would understand the waiting a year. sorry lol still hung up on that.

Since everyone has been in and out of the dorms, I am getting sick now. Sore throat, runny nose, aches. Least I am going home. Ill just down some nyquil and sleep for a few days. Car is all packed up and my dorm is empty. I have a long drive ahead of me. i might not be on here for a day or two just because of driving all day and then upacking. I'll hopefully be on here more often again!

I heard of someone who purchased OTC meds and drank them during recovery to get the buzz.
That's not me--I'm into the undiluted versions when I have drank. When I was a kid I did used to love vanilla extract and Vick's Cherry Cough Syrup...that was when I was a very little kid.....I also loved to walk really slow to school and sniff gas fumes coming from the cars, sniff magic markers and Elmer's glue, and my dad used to paint and used paint thinner which I liked and also used this stuff when he worked on radios and t.v.s--I have no idea what it was, but I loved to sniff it. All of this was long before I heard anything about kids "sniffing glue" and other stuff to get high. I just was a weird little kid who noticed that for some quirky reason, this stuff appealed to my senses. I do not remember getting high off of any of it--including the flavoring and cough syrup--I just liked it.

(Which all of this maybe can explain some of my mental state throughout my life)

-- Edited by leavetherest on Thursday 28th of April 2016 04:32:20 AM

Baba Louie wrote:

---

PP, I have to give you a hard time about this one. I just can't stop myself. Ok...here goes: 

REAL MEN DO NOT LISTEN TO STEVIE NICKS! 

JOHN WAYNE WOULD PULL OUT HIS SIX-SHOOTER, AND BLAST THAT RADIO TO SMITHEREENS!

There. I said it.

(Fleetwood Mac was a badass band, though)

---

 LOL, ... right now I've hit the 'Herb Alpert' button ... and that one cycles through movie themes and such, like 'The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly' ... plus, I was a Trumpet player in the march'n band in high school in the 60's ... so it brings back some old memories ... time of innocence before alcohol, LOL ... 

Yeah, I knew that and thought it funny ... and you're right about John Wayne, he'd a blasted away at the thing, LOL ...

I am back at home. I hate cough syrup. Always have. I feel like absolute crap so that is the only reason I am drinking it. And I am making sure to fallow the directions. I keep coughing that crap up out of my throat and just exhausted. I got all my stuff unpacked and went to a meeting today. It is way nicer than the club in Marquette haha and more people. They were pretty welcoming and resembled a lot of the club up North. I told my step mom about the meeting. She told me that my step aunt is in rehab right now for AA and that alcoholism was big in her family and she thinks it runs in my family too. She told me shed help me in any way she can. Including getting rid of all the alcohol in our house and she said she will have the family not order it when we eat out. I dont think it is that bad. I'd be fine if they drank while we are at dinner. Either way she was super supporting. I still havent told my dad though.

lol I do shots of it. Out of the measuring cup. I have the numbers for people up north. And the club here didnt give me any numbers but there are younger people there and someone at the end said to keep coming around and that I am always welcome to hang out with the younger people. They also said more college kids will start coming once the other schools finish up.

Well after the meeting the younger people car pooled and I tried talking to them. They ignored me completely and kept walking to their car. I know I was talking loud enough and it was only us in the parking lot. So I'm not sure what to do about that. I'm stuck sitting around my house alone again. Exactly what I was afraid of when I was packing up to move home. I went to 3 meetings today because I was bored. The meetings weren't super productive either. The chair person was outright asking us for money because he and his wife were living in cars. And he gave examples of others who were helped when they asked but we wouldn't when he asked. Someone else told them that usually when things go wrong in life it is because they deserved it. Then at the later meeting, the wife started talking bad about him to our group!

You will find some people you connect with--just try and be patient. I don't understand why some people--young and old--are like that, they just are. It is not you, so try not to take it personally.

As for the chair person and his wife. It is sad that they are living in their car. But an AA meeting is no place to solicit funds for our upkeep. There are shelters and organizations which they can turn to for that. People come to the meetings to hear about how other alcoholics get and stay sober, not to use the meeting time to try and guilt people into giving handouts. For a chairperson to do that is incomprehensible to me. For his wife to go and badmouth the man who responded to his request was a reflection on her not the other person. Someone should have pulled them both to the side after the meetings and had a talk with them. I wonder how many people will want to attend that meeting in the future.

I have always heard to try and be around sober friends. After some sobriety time you may be able to be around people who drink and it won't cause you to want to drink yourself.

I am working on the not "taking things to heart" myself. My sponsor told me that I will eventually learn not to take anything personally. What a joyous day that will be! It is very appealing to me to be able not to let anything anyone says bother me! I thought I had reached that point before after I had worked the Steps.

That is great that the chairperson has 27 years of sobriety. Maybe he needs to read this article:

silkworth.net/grapevine/tradition5_primarypurpose.html

As for the female you mentioned ......So many people do drink and unless you ask or unless you find out when you are with them, there is no way to know.

We sound so much alike. I get lonely, depressed sometimes too. If I don't stay busy, I might drink again. One thought leads to another, and "another" could lead me to drink. I am trying to tell myself that being by myself can be miserable for me or an opportunity for me to do things which will make me feel good about myself. I had those suicidal thoughts***. I haven't had them for awhile and I think it is because I am trying so very hard not to feel sorry for myself, which has been extremely hard for me to do throughout my life. I'm special. You're special....we are both trying to figure things out. Neither one of us can do it if we're dead, though. I always try to think of the pain it would bring my loved ones if I ever carried out such a plan! The sad depressing feelings are temporary ---remember that. Dead's forever. Think of things you really enjoy and try to focus on them as well as things you have always wanted to try. I feel we were put on this earth for a reason. If we stay sober long enough and do what is suggested in the AA program, we'll figure it out. I know we will.

***I think Pappy actually saved my life. I was feeling like crap and feeling completely worthless. Well, I sent Pappy a message about some "stupid thinking" I was having about not wanting to live. He is pretty straight forward...doesn't tiptoe around words trying to spare feelings. He says it like it is--which is EXACTLY what I needed to hear. Oh, I got my tender "wittle feelings" hurt....big deal. He woke me up and I'm still here. And when I have had those thoughts come into my head, I think about Pappy's PM to me. The thoughts go away.

Lean on the people here. They're good people with big hearts. And between them and your HP, you never have to feel alone--at all.

-- Edited by leavetherest on Sunday 1st of May 2016 07:41:26 AM

As for being suicidal I live really close to a hospital haha. I have driven there a few times.
Not sure why but I woke up grumpy. I'm still sick.. wheezing, coughing, and a runny nose. My family also gets on my nerves. In used to waking up and eating breakfast by myself in the quiet and having coffee. My family is loud and just dumps a bucket of questions on you. I just shrug and ignore them. Don't mess with me till like noon or so. Otherwise it's going to piss me off.
That living without taking anything to heart would be amazing! Life would be so much better! I hope someday we can get there.
I told the girl if she ever wants to hang out to let me know. That way I just left it up to her. I won't be spending energy on a friendship that the other person doesn't really care about.

Lol yeah Grumpy and sneezy. I think they got the hint haha they seem to keep to themselves. I'm going to a young people's meeting tonight at our Alano club. I heard there's usually 20 people or so around college age.

I hope you're putting your hand up in the meetings and letting people know that you are new to AA and new to town and needing to build a group of sober friends to spend some time with after the meetings. And that you're looking for a sponsor to help you work the 12 steps. 

My bike broke on my way to a meeting today so that's cool. Right in front of a bike shop lol. Anyway. It's looking like I'll be buying a new bike soon. I told the group I need a sponsor. They gave me a sheet with about 20 sponsors.. idk what to do with that. I was going to ask about people to hang out with but there wasn't a single person under the age of 30. Not one. Figured I'd wait until later today haha and then I'll bring it up with younger people.

Dave's right, be patient and take things 'one day at a time' ... if it were me, I'd go to as many meetings as a could over the next week and pay close attention to those who've been there a while ... listen to them and see which people seem to be happy in their sobriety, then once you've got a feel for things, then ask one that you feel comfortable with, to be your sponsor ... (doesn't have to be a 'younger' person, just someone you 'relate' to) ...

Yes, it's good to make a general statement during a share from the floor that you're looking for a sponsor, but you'll actually GET one by watching for the people that you want to have as a sponsor and then asking that person directly, one on one, before or after the meeting.

And yeah, you're not gonna change your dad. I think you already know that. But the tools of AA, specifically the 12 steps, give us the ability to get through these tough situations with our sobriety and our sanity intact, without indulging in behavior that harms ourselves or others, and without any regrets about our own actions, so we have self-esteem and we feel 'comfortable in our own skin', regardless of the flawed behavior of others.  Are you familiar with the Ninth Step Promises? That stuff is legit. I know, I know, it doesn't seem possible that any of that step stuff could be the solution to our problems with the other people in our lives, but I swear to you that this stuff is what makes the difference in our ability to live happy and serene lives. The answer is in the steps. You just gotta get into the steps with a sponsor and stay sober long enough to get through these tough parts. This gets way better. 

-- Edited by davep12and12 on Monday 2nd of May 2016 07:36:10 PM

Actually I just realized that the Alano is the only place here with consistent meetings.. so I'll just keep going to those I guess. Someone recommended going at 7:30 in the morning. I might try that. Though I'll be half asleep.