So I have been heavily drinking lately, for a long time actually and talking to my Head Doc she finally got me to go to an AA meeting. Well I decided to because I really do want this crap to end. So long story short, I went last night and afterwards I had to go shopping (about 3 hours later) and what do you know, I stand staring at the wine. I even thought about the coin I was given, you know the white one. Well the alcohol took over again and I ended up buying a bottle and slamming it in the parking lot. Then got home and took several shots of rum. AGAIN. So not I am doing the self pity party and really am frustrated I did not call one of the many numbers I was given. I want a do over.
I am going to another meeting tonight at 5:30 and going to do two things. One, I am going to tell my story no matter what, and two, I am going to find a sponsor, I have to stop this or it is going to kill me. I am to that point where I do not remember the nights and that scares the hell out of me.
Try not to be too hard on yourself. You can't expect to go to one meeting and be 'cured'. Overcoming alcoholism (if 'overcome' is even the right word) it takes patience and honesty with yourself, and some hard work. But don't be discouraged, it will definitely be worth it in the end. You are taking the first step in your recovery and this is often the hardest part, and despite a rocky start (it always is) you sound determined. Don't give up!
-- Edited by Jakamo on Saturday 6th of February 2016 03:54:59 PM
Welcome to MIP Jc, ... Been there, Done that ... actually, more than just once ... and I agree with you, the 'blackouts' scared the hell out of me too ... and I also really got sick 'n tired if be'n sick and tired ... just about lost my family and a lot more ... AA was a life saver ... but I wasn't able to just stop, not the 1st, 2nd, or even the 3rd time ... it took very near death to wake my ass up ... I then wanted to stop drink'n more than anything else ...
Go to the AA meet'ns with an open mind ... and "LISTEN" to start with ... later on, you can share your feel'ns and the difficulties you're have'n ... go early to the meet'ns and stay for a few minutes after, that's where you really become family with the members ...
Glad you're here, Love ya and God Bless, Pappy
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
It all goes downhill when you take that first drink. For people like us, one is too many and a thousand is not enough.
Yup, that's the problem in a nutshell JC, How do you not take the fatal first drink? The short answer is to do exactly what you are proposing to do. Go back to a meeting, find a sponsor who has worked all 12 steps and had a spiritual awakening as the result, and have them show you how to have your won spiritual awakening (read change of personality sufficient to recover from alcoholism).
I am working with a guy right now who, though he goes to a lot of meetings, has been unable to find a defence against the first drink. But as we have been working through the steps, his results are improving. He busted the other day after his longest spell ever. Never mind. He is willing to do what it takes, and we'll carry on working together. Some of us don't seem to have these trials, we get well after one or two slips, and stay well because we adopted the AA way of life. Others find it more difficult. But if they hang in and do the work, they nearly always recover in the end.
I'll just finish with a wise quote I have seen around. "We recover by the steps we take, not the meetings we make."
