Hey Goofyman, ... you're post does have a lot of merit ... and I hope everyone will take the message to heart ... but don't forget ... there ARE a lot of sick people on this board with vary'n degrees of recovery time ... a lot of the unnecessary pokes and jabs are due to the immaturity of the participants ... include'n me at times ... 'we are a "work in progress"' ...


Love ya and God Bless,
Pappy

Jakamo - I have seen proof that the person you are referring to is not a troll at all. Quite the opposite. There are a number of ways that we try to help people in the world. Relating our own personal experience to the best of our ability, is exactly what this particular landing spot in the world prescribes.

A critique on how it's done, or how effective it is in your personal opinion, to your personal circumstance, only pertains to you. We are all here searching for commonalities. While you may not feel personal benefit from the debates, others who come along might be enlightened by them. It might be that someone will be questioning the same things as you and make decisions for themselves based on the very content either of you write. Or it may be that some will come and view the behaviors exemplified such as love, tolerance, intolerance, acceptance, patience etc - and try to emulate those qualities or see what not to do at least. All of it is learning. And what I have learned here, is that it's not just about me. Everything that is written here has value, it's all learning.

I made the choice a while ago to stop 'dancing with dysfunction' at this particular landing spot, but I was still watching the dance. And I was and am still learning from that. For a while I chose to focus on myself and stop watching at all. That too - offers intense learning. Allowing myself to go where I find peace is the reward of living the principles I found by doing the steps in this program. Even if that means I disengage and focus on my own spiritual practices outside 12 step land - I believe - as long as I am seeking spiritual progress, I am living a life worth living.


I feel, the labels we put on people, such as troll, disgusting drunk, idiot, jerk etc, define how we are behaving as a person, not the other. When I call people names, I separate myself. The truth I see today is that we are all in this together. Name calling defines me as a name caller - it doesn't define someone else. While I move about the Earth thinking I am making choices that only affect me, I am only fooling myself. We are all intricately connected, and I am actually not just a small insignificant person - I am a small part of the magnificence that is everything.

Everything affects everything.

When I am living the principles for living, which I was introduced to through the 12 steps in this program, I am seeing that how I behave defines who I am. This is the foundation of my God - that which directly removes my survival skills (here they are called defects of character). All of the things I do, such as name call (sometimes called character assassinate in certain 12 step rooms based on the BB) , push people away, separate myself, look for the differences, reject, despise, resent, act out of anger, hold grudges, ignore - or any of the other behaviors I do At People... I do out of Fear.

I began to learn how to replace those fear based actions and behaviors, with faith based ones here. I did not and do not believe in any sort of religion or God, however I use the term god freely, and I know in my mind that putting faith in spiritual principles has the same effect on removing my survival skills.



I despise, hold grudges, act on anger etc out of fear, and these behaviors help me Survive that fear. That is why it is only fair and loving to myself - for me to replace the term character defect, with survival skill. I became skilled at surviving in spite of my constant fear. The fears had many root causes. In the big book it talks about how everything would be okay if we could just set the stage and it stay put. If only the actors would stay in place, then we would be okay.

Under that need to set the stage is a deep rooted fear that if they don't stay put - things will be in upheaval! And if I don't know how to handle my feelings and emotions around such chaos... I live in constant fear of myself. I am living in fear because I have no tools or solutions to handle my feelings around anything that happens to me in life - or very little. This creates the self bondage spoken of here in this program.  I act out (of fear) - then feel like a crappy person, then try to escape myself using alcohol.  

 

What I learned by doing the 12 steps were solutions. And they were simple solutions - because they were just the flip side of everything that I had tried so far (grudges, name calling, finding the differences etc). Some say "your best thinking got you here". What actually happened was I mimicked the examples I had in life, and I developed survival skills that were passed on to me through spiritually sick members of my family, my church, my school and society. Today I am not blaming these people - quite the contrary. We all do what we learn to do. Including them.  Blame gets lost in the history of fear.  I don't just come out of the womb hating gay people for example. I had to learn that from someone.



So the solutions are the flip side to fear based behaviors.

Instead of behaving with hate or anger, and being held in bondage by my own feelings - I can flip that over to it's opposite: Love, Acceptance. Now I get to feel loving.  Plus the other person benefits from that of course!

Instead of holding a grudge, and having to feel grudging, I can choose to forgive, and work on that forgiveness so I may feel forgiving.

Instead of calling people names or pushing people away, causing myself to feel disconnect and separate, which leads to loneliness and fear ---- I can chose to behave with peace, tolerance, and inclusion. I can embrace my human family - flawed like me - beautiful like me... and love myself through all of this.


If I were to imagine an all loving God, I would guess this illusive being would wish for me to treat me well. Like a parent wishes for it's child. So without actually believing there is a guy in the sky, or a brain in the sun, or a deity of any kind, I can still make the choice to treat me like an all loving parent would want me to treat me.

And this is how I can say I can put faith in my understanding of God. I can put faith in these principles to live by in any circumstance in my life. When I have a problem, with any person place or thing - I can look to it for an opportunity to practice these principles in my affairs. When I see the results of replacing my fear based choices (survival skills/character defects) with faith based ones (the qualities guided by my conscience, my true loving self that reflect the way an all loving -something/higherpower- would hope for me - to act kindly so I may feel kind and love myself as a result) my faith in these principles and in general and in myself (my self confidence/worth/esteem) grows.



The steps are a pathway or gateway to this.

1. We admit we do have millions more pleasure receptors for (insert epigentic factor: alcohol, shopping, eating, sexing, drugging, knitting) than the average person, and we are powerless over our environmental and genetic factors. Once we are exposed to what we are epigentically predisposed to losing control with in our environment, we have no control to stop ourselves.

In this room, our common epigenetic predisposition unites us - and we are focused on alcohol. This unity creates harmony.

*I am powerless over alcohol, and my life became unmanageable.

2. I made a decision that a power greater than myself could restore me to sanity because I heard other people share things that I could relate to, that I thought were unique to me, and saw that they were now living lives free from alcohol. I wanted to live free from the grip of alcohol, so I decided to try what they tried. At this point, the group itself was the power greater than me, because when I surrounded myself with the groups influence, I started to go in longer intervals without drinking than I had prior to meeting the group. (But in the beginning I didn't know that I would come to stop drinking alcohol altogether and for good after a couple months, with no fear of the desire returning. So at this point, just the group itself was the power greater than me). Today I define sanity as clarity. That is another story.

*Made a decision that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

3. This post above is about how I turn my will and my care to my understanding of God. I imagine a God that is like a parent. No one knows if there is a God or not, so I simply make a choice that my human brain can understand, and focus my attention in all my affairs to how an all loving higher power/parent would wish for me to treat me. When I want to act out in mean or nasty ways - I instead try to replace those behaviors with loving ones. Simply put - love, tolerance and acceptance. When I fail to do it perfectly, I apply those principles to myself. Love myself through all of it, tolerate my human mistakes, and accept myself unconditionally, like I imagine an all loving God would do for me, with me, and wish for me to do to myself. I didn't have an example of how to do this growing up with my parents or society who lived in self bondage and fear - so I now reparent myself using the these spiritual solutions and tools. I still live in a fear based world, but I seek out the places where others are trying to live a life based on the qualities of the true loving self that is inside me, and you. Sometimes I find that in 12 step land - and sometimes I find that right down the street. I find that when I nourish these principles in my life - I begin to see them everywhere with more clarity. The world doesn't and isn't so dark after all. There is a bright light, and there is so much to be hopeful about.

*Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.

4. Step 3 was where I began to 'wake up' from my robotic existence. It is where I felt I began coming back to life. Now I might say I found or rekindled a relationship with my true self - my spiritual nature. In step four, where I tore apart all the ways in which I was behaving in FeaR and truly looked at them, and how I perpetuated it myself... I saw that I truly was doing this to myself. Just because it was a learned behavior, or a representation of how I had become well adjusted to a profoundly sick society/family... and just because all of my survival skills were normal reactions to a dysfunctional world - including my original escape from myself and everything through alcohol, no matter how innocent and naive I was to my epigentic predisposition......... I now saw clearly what these dysfunctional patters were doing, why I was doing them, and what I could do going forward. And this fueled my desire to keep practicing what I was in step 3, seeking progress, and letting go of ideals and perfectionism.

*Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

5. My step 4 & 5 experience was all in one. I opened the big book and learned how to do the lists. Then I took them over to a trusted friend in recovery's house, and we tore them apart from a spiritual place, from a physiological place, from a scientific place but most importantly from a place of trust. I say trusted friend instead of sponsor because it was so important on that day that I trusted her so I could see an example of what that looked like. From this point - I began to trust myself. I began to rely less and less on her and meetings, and more and more on my new found faith in god/true self/spiritual principles/hp. I am aware of the fact that this is a spiritual program. In this step - I did searching in every aspect (physiological/psychological/scientific) fueled by my spiritual revelations. For the first time in my life I was fearless in looking at myself, human nature, all that I was and am because for the first time I felt I deserved to know the truth, and I was no longer afraid of the truth. I believed, according to my spiritual principles, that the truth about me, would set me free. And it did. I believed I was bad, and all the manifestations of it. I was Wrong. The truth was and is - I am Love(ing) and all the manifestations of it.

*Admitted to God, ourselves and another human being the exact nature of our Wrongs.

6. The big book suggested I take some time to reflect on what I just learned. I did that down by a trickling river. It was the first time in a long time I let myself go. I became one with everything/everyone. I Became Ready to move through life replacing fear based actions with faith based ones with my new found clarity and sanity. This understand of God working through me solidified and the idea of a deity or human like God that I was hearing about was completely released fearlessly. From there I began studying the principles of every and any religion, and devoured ancient wisdom and knowledge realizing that - it was (almost) always and all the same at the roots: Love. Tolerance. Acceptance.

*Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

7. Humbled by the experience thus far, I began trying different religious practices such as mindfulness, meditation, prayer - especially for those I felt anger toward as it seemed a common theme in many religions, walks in nature, yoga, church, sacred choirs etc - and today - after much and trying and practicing many things, I have found a simple path that my heart is drawn toward naturally. I found a resting place of my own. A sanctuary of sorts. A living meditation. Where I once fell Short - I now had an expansive plethora of tools, solutions, healthy survival skills and a deeply meaningful life.

*Humbly asked him to remove our shortcomings.


8. Living principles in all my affairs - or putting faith in my God in my heart, if you'd rather say it that way, allowed me to mend all and any relationship I had. Most importantly, through living amends - which were simply living principles in all my affairs (treating others kind, loving, etc) I repaired the relationship I had with myself. I began to feel like my true self more and more every day. I messed up constantly and still do - but I use living amends to myself by forgiving myself, loving myself, accepting myself through all of it - like that idea of an all loving God would wish for me. Again, I believe I deserve to feel loving, kind, generous, peaceful - so I try to act that way, seeking progress and letting go of perfectionism. Everyone around me benefits automatically as a byproduct of this. So I am not just living for self any longer. I am living for and with all. They say - put your own air mask on before helping others. This is how I define that. I was and am more every day - Willing to continue this path.

*Made a list of all persons we had harmed and became willing to make amends to them all.


9. Many opportunities have since arisen naturally where I could make direct amends to others. This morning I was rather cranky when I woke up. I woke to a dream that spiders were biting me in my hand, when in reality, my arm was above my head and was like pins and needles. Then the cat came and started howling like a wolf for some reason, so I couldn't go back to sleep. I went down to watch a movie and made a nice cozy space for myself with candles and a hot cup of tea. Soon my hubby and kids came barreling down and disrupted my peace. Instead of being all snarky AT them, I chose to smile, and directly ask for some space in a gentle and loving way. This allowed me to make direct amends to them for all the times I barked at them years ago. Okay - I still do it sometimes - I am human. But I am more direct today. I am open and honest today. I don't try to get what I want through dirty looks, pity parties or name calling anymore. (Hey you elephants... can't a person get a little peace?) Some will call this a living amends. Living directly affects everything. If I happen to bellow and bark, I simply forgive myself, love myself through it - out loud if need be - and allow others the space and dignity to handle their feelings around what just happened. I don't try to fix it or make it better for them - they are big boys and girls and have the right to practice love tolerance, patience and acceptance too. I just show them openly that I will not give up on me, I will not condemn myself, and they are free to do the same. I used to say sorry, but I found that then people gave me the power to control their peace and waited for a sorry. That causes them emotional harm. It is an injury. When we eliminate sorry's and the like, we are free. To forgive when they will for their own sake, and I hold no power over them or when that happens what so ever. This is freedom in my view, and love that feels like freedom. For me. For them. It is direct, and humble, and powerful. My sorry is in my actions going forward. In my continuing my spiritual progress. In the space I offer them to do the same.


* 9 Made direct amends to people where ever possible, except when to do so would injure self or others.

The following steps all tie in to the simple form of a living meditation. Practicing principles in all our affairs. When I am wrong, I admit it - so I may feel honest, and benefit all others as a natural byproduct. I continue to these practices. I do not give up on myself. I do what ever it takes to be entirely responsible for my peace in today. I do not give away my power to do that to anyone else. I do not hold a grudge and give my power to someone else to control my happiness. I am in charge of my happiness. I am responsible. And I will always be responsible, when anyone, anywhere, reaches out for help.

*10 Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

As I move forward, honing my practice, accepting myself more fully all the time so I have that acceptance to give, loving myself more completely so I have that love to give, and tolerating myself unconditionally so I have compassion to give etc - I am continuing to seek my God's will. My understanding of God. My faith grows stronger. My life becomes a living prayer and meditation. I Am humbled at my humanness, my base, my mistakes - not ashamed. Not guilty.

* 11 Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.


What I am left with is an overwhelming love for life that I can't help but share with the world and others who still suffer. I don't have to say a word to do this. It is just who I am. I find that a spiritual awakening is elusive. The more I wake up to my spiritual self, the more I realize I am but a simple human, with so much to learn. The more I learn, the less I know. The more I speak, the less I can hear. The more I search, the less I feel. And the more I am, the less I was. I once thought I was a nothing, nobody, insignificant and worthless - as that view becomes less and less... I see the truth is I am something, someone, significant to the whole of us, my thoughts and actions impact me and so everything and everyone. With this comes a great responsibility. But it is an honor to be here.


*12 Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics and to practice these principles in all our affairs.




Thank you, if you've come this far.
xo

I had to come back and read this JAD, ... WOW ... great insight here, very well written ...


I've said it before, and I'll say it again ... along with your 'musical' gift, you have a gift to convey your wisdom with the written word ... you should write a book ...


Love you, always have, and God Bless,
Pappy