I have lived most of my life being fearful.....I have hated going anywhere in the car for fear of getting in a car wreak. I have hated meeting new people for fear of what they would think about me. Any job I have managed to have I have had a fear of doing something wrong and getting reprimanded or fired. (And since I quit so many of the ones I had that is how extreme my fear was). I have had a fear of heights. I have had a fear of drowning so never learned how to swim much more than a dog paddle. I have been fearful of losing those close to me--particularly my parents and daughter. When I was little I was scared something would happen to them and I am trying to pray and not worry about something happening to my mom. And I have worried about something happening to my daughter since I found out I was pregnant with her, continued worrying about her throughout her childhood and still worry about her and she is almost 30.

The list goes on and I am reading about fear. I have learned that fear doesn't come from my HP, who is God for me. He doesn't want me to live in fear.  Fear comes from that other "guy" with the red suit, horns and pitchfork. As much as I have been praying lately, I realized that these "worries"--these fearful thoughts have been continuing to come into my head. And some of these "fears" are the stupidest, most ridiculous things and alot of them I am too embarrassed to post them here. And I have worried about my fears over the year. Scared that eventually the stress of worrying about so many different things--most all of which are out of my control, would eventually get the best of me through a heart attack or stroke. Oh and btw, I have feared dying. I have probably killed myself off in dozens of ways.

Franklin D. Roosevelt said "There is nothing to fear but fear itself"....and I believe that because of the number and extent of my fears.

Although I am more at peace over different situations which have happened, and able to not obsess over them like I was, I noticed things popping into my head about my daughter--who was in a car wreak a couple of weeks ago....she is alright....she broke a finger because of the air bag. Since then I have been more fearful of something worse happening to her. And my Mom, who I am closer to than ever....I sent her an email and when she didn't answer it I got fearful something had happened to her. Since I have called her right much lately and told her I was going to let her call me, and because I didn't want to go against what I told her, I held off as long as I could hoping she would respond to my email. Instead of just picking up the phone, the last three days, I lived in fear. How crazy of me! I called her yesterday....she is a woman on the go! At 81, she is more active than I am! I was so relieved she is alright.

So I will be praying even harder....catching myself even more everytime something pops into my head and saying to myself...."I WILL NOT LIVE IN FEAR". Because I cannot have that serenity that I am meant to have until I get over being fearful. I am not looking for advice...I know what I need and have to do to help myself....pray.

I hope this helps someone today....