I tell my sponsees this and I go to treatment centers and tell the ladies there as well. AA meetings contain the worst people from the bar, and only some have gotten healthy. In early sobriety, I once stayed for the NA meeting. I kicked off my heals and curled up with my coffee. Somebody in the meeting stole my shoes. It was a real wake-up call, and I hear I am not at all the first person to have their shoes stolen! I don't know if there is more than one NA shoe-thief, but I heard there is. At least it wasn't my car or my purse.
As far as I know, the women's meetings are pretty safe, but some co-ed meetings have some really sketchy looking scumbags. In some cities, they court-order sex offenders, not just dui offenders, to go to 12-step meetings, and I resent that. In one city I worked in a lot, I encountered a situation where a man who was repeatedly offering to baby-sit during the even meetings at the clubhouse, was a registered sex offender with a child pornography conviction. I didn't stick around long enough to find out how that was handled by the AA club.
As a small female, no matter how well I think I can fight, I don't go to co-ed meetings alone. I go with a group or at the very least I go with a big guy that I trust, who rides with me or walks me to my car after the meeting. I very rarely share in co-ed meetings. If women share in co-ed meetings, they should not say that they are "new". They shouldn't mention being single or newly divorced. Women def shouldn't mention having been in an abusive relationship, because I've seen that lead to her getting a bunch of unsolicited phone numbers from "concerned" men, at least one of whom was a guy she didn't know, who had a previous domestic violence conviction, who was trying to ask her out. I also have seen female newcomers talk in meetings about being exotic dancers, and that attracted all kind of unwanted and unscrupulous attention. The point is, we need to (with love and concern) remind new or young women that while the steps do work and the program has saved millions of lives, not everyone in an AA meeting is sober, and there are sometimes people who are there because they are court-ordered. Some court-ordered people want to turn their lives around for the better, but some of them might be violent offenders who are still dangerous. AA meetings are the same people as the bar, and only some of them are healthy now.
I most certainly agree with your post too designer, ...
Great suggestions to newer women come'n in to AA for sure ... (I'm married 42 years to the same woman, and I hate when it's obvious that men in meet'ns take advantage of any of the women young or older ... it just ain't right and it degrades the reason all of us are there ... not everyone has noble intentions ...) ...
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Right. young women in early sobriety should also stay away from laudramats, Walmarts, grocery stores, and pretty much any public place. I've seen them getting "hit on" in those places, too.
truthfully, I haven't noticed any more inappropriate behavior in AA meetings, than I have in regular, everyday places. Send a young, single girl, all by herself, to almost anywhere...even a library, and watch her get hit on.
Theres always safety in numbers, no matter where you go.
A sober, young female is almost certainly safer in an AA room, than she is at the bar, getting drunk all by herself.
Designer, I'm not looking to get in any kind of spat with you, I hope you don't take my comments that way. I personally believe that the court ordered AA meetings are bullshit. For many reasons. I didnt know they sent non-alcohol related offenders to AA. That's the first I've heard of it. I'm not saying it isn't true, just that I've never heard of it.
Ive never seen anything really inappropriate going on at the meetings in my area, which is a pretty large metropolitan city. At our meetings, after it's over, everyone stands outside, smoking cigarettes and shooting the shit. Some leave right away, but most hang out for 10-15 minutes after the meeting. I've just never seen anything like what you're talking about go on. Never seen any guy pat Some girls ass, or make any sexual advances, or anything like that. I don't eavesdrop on everyone's conversation, but nothing seems out of line. I've heard some people comment about certain guys, sayin "yeah, that guy, he's a 13th stepper", but you're gonna see that in all walks of life.
the people in our room seem to kind of be protective about that kind of thing. There's always a hero waiting to save some vulnerable girl from the clutches of a 13th stepper.
Yeah, that's mostly what I've seen in the rooms too Baba ... I'm very protective of the younger ladies attend'n too ... (and that could perhaps be construed as 'come'n on' to them)(but I'm harmless in more ways than one) ...
I think Co-ed meet'ns are needed in addition to have'n 'Women's meet'ns' ... some women can handle themselves, and some are very vulnerable ... the guys that are 'in the hunt' are pretty obvious, and those of us there to heal from our disease, come runnin' to be sure to fend off the wolves ...
Court ordered attendees are watched pretty close in all the groups I've been a part of ... so it's not been as bad a problem as it seems to be in your area designer ... -OR - maybe I'm just 'clueless' ... ??? ...
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
My experience is along the lines of Baba and Pappy, though I am aware of a time a few years back where we had a few males who got a kick out of shairng 5th step sexual stuff which would have been very distressing for some women to hear. That was probably why we got our womens group.
Don't know about you guys but our womens group happily breaches traditions 1, 3 and 5, on a regular basis. They disrupt unity by insisting they are different (not just alcoholics like the rest of us), they exclude alcoholics on the basis of sex, and only carry their message to women. There are two matriachal female sponsors who sponsor and control all the other women (a really good argument for NOT taking step five with an AA member). I occasionally meet women, 5 plus years sober, not sponsoring because they are not allowed to, and so full of fear, they wouldn't change their socks without asking their sponsor first. On the service front, their sponsors control how they vote and if there is something contentious coming up at intergroup, all these stange women GSRs (that no one seems to know) suddenly turn up to vote for whatever it is the women are pushing. Just at the moment, thankfully, the womens group has packed up its toys and left intergroup because we are spending too much money on local 12 step work.
Unintended consequence of the womens group is that there are less women in the meetings, none at all at some, which puts the new woman member in an even more vulnerable position. She may even conclude that there are no women in AA. AA as a whole is much worse off with women withrawing from the mainstream. We need them, they add so much to the fellowship, and of course, as all of us are trying to rejoin the mainstream of life, it is useful to learn how to intereact, because out in the world, men and women are everywhere. AA mebership generally is a reflection of the society in which it exists, though I have to agree there could be a distortion where court ordered attendance is concerned.
This thread reminds us of some really important issues regarding sexism and predatory behavior that are strategic threats to the viability of AA long term. The environment and structure of AA facilitate some really bad behavior--as well as the lack of a desire to correct, or even understand the problem. Just look at the Karla Mendez Brada and Midtown Group cases for confirmation of this.
AA as an organization cannot do much, if anything, about it. It is too weak, by design.
Of course, in a true simplist's manner, the typical AA male fails to see or be concerned about the problems and their danger to AA. He will say something like, "It never happens where I am. And when it does WE TAKE CARE OF IT!"
Reminds me of "Ain't it grand the wind stopped blow'n?"
