I recently received an e-mail from another AA which forwarded a long article ranting about how our country should be handling terrorism. This member often sends me e-mails, most of which are fine with me, as they're relatively innocuous. This seemed over the top - it was a mass mailing, with many names of local AAs on the list of recipients. Other names I did not have a clue about, whether they were AAs or not. I sent him a polite e-mail and asked him to remove my name from his list, since I didn't think mass e-mailings to AAs on "outside issues" were appropriate, though I do enjoy receiving messages about the program or the joys of sobriety. He sent me a pretty furious e-mail in return - was really p.o.'d, since he said he had not mentioned AAs in the note (this was true), I was the one who mentioned it, and as a concerned citizen he just wanted to share this with friends, etc. I responded with a mild-mannered note and apologized if I had offended him. Hopefully the matter is closed, but I am still bothered that he would use his access to other AA's e-mail addresses to send opinions on outside topics. Was I out of line to say something? The good news is that A. the guy is not in my home group and B. I'm off his mailing list.
Alcoholics Anonymous has no opinion on outside issues, but of course individual members of AA can and do have all sorts of personal opinions about any number of things. As long as he's conveying that the contents of his emails are HIS opinion, and he's not trying to say "Alcoholics Anonymous holds the belief that blah blah blah", he's not doing anything that goes against the traditions of AA.
But of course that doesn't mean you have to feel compelled to agree with his opinions or to even put up with hearing about them, so you're free to tell him to not send you that stuff, as you did. If that bothers him, that's his problem.
When I do mass email-outs, I do a 'Bcc' ... where all the people get the email, but, they don't know who else I sent it too ... I especially do this with all my AA brothers and sisters ... it just seems the appropriate thing to do ...
By the way, 99% of my stuff is jokes, LOL ... some of which are not appropriate for this board ...
Love ya and God Bless, Pappy
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
I recently received an e-mail from another AA which forwarded a long article ranting about how our country should be handling terrorism. This member often sends me e-mails, most of which are fine with me, as they're relatively innocuous. This seemed over the top - it was a mass mailing, with many names of local AAs on the list of recipients. Other names I did not have a clue about, whether they were AAs or not. I sent him a polite e-mail and asked him to remove my name from his list, since I didn't think mass e-mailings to AAs on "outside issues" were appropriate, though I do enjoy receiving messages about the program or the joys of sobriety. He sent me a pretty furious e-mail in return - was really p.o.'d, since he said he had not mentioned AAs in the note (this was true), I was the one who mentioned it, and as a concerned citizen he just wanted to share this with friends, etc. I responded with a mild-mannered note and apologized if I had offended him. Hopefully the matter is closed, but I am still bothered that he would use his access to other AA's e-mail addresses to send opinions on outside topics. Was I out of line to say something? The good news is that A. the guy is not in my home group and B. I'm off his mailing list.
e331, you were not out of line to say something. The e-mail distribution details bothered you. So you communicated your displeasure and got the sender to change his behavior.
Accept or change.
As I answer your question, it occurs to me that it is not an AA issue, based on the details you describe. It is an issue of Internet etiquette. Some people send out lots of blanket e-mails. Sometimes they find satisfaction in sending MANY such offerings. Volume over quality...
You did a good job of dealing with the problem. Taking action is called for. Not passivity.
Personally, I would not like my name on any emails sent to a number of other AA'ers. I have given my last name to only a very few in AA. If last names were used (and I know gmail includes last names --I didn't realize this until after I had given my email to a couple of board members in the past.) It is no one else's business what my last name is and I don't care to have that info shared with others unless I give it to them or am asked in advance. I have heard other members share that they researched AA members up on the the internet then get into what their "findings" were....facebook posts, workplace info, who's dating who and a bunch of other gossipy things which are none of my business and I now have the courage to let them know I have no desire to hear. Where before I would listen, get a resentment, and be too scared to share how I really felt about their snooping.
I think you did the right thing. I would have had a hard time making amends for that one, but I guess maybe I still need work in that area.
Thank you so much, everyone, for your common-sense responses. I've been a little bummed about this because he got so mad, and I thought I had possibly overreacted. But you brought up some very good points, especially about last names on e-mails which are then shown to many others - and my last name is indeed included in my e-mail address. Many of our home group lists in this area include our e-mails; I realize now that he was taking advantage of this by sending out these blanket mailings that none of us asked for. Well, the problem is solved, and the mini-tempest is past; most of all, I really appreciate your perspectives on this. In fellowship always.....emmi331
-- Edited by emmi331 on Wednesday 16th of December 2015 10:35:29 PM
Maybe consider getting or using a different email which doesn't have your last name and giving your HG your new one. What is done is done. This is where we cannot control the actions of others and forgive them for anything we think they have done which we feel makes our lives "miserable"....and I say that because I was really good about making mental lists of all the things others did to me--while not paying enough attention to my own actions towards others. Now I cannot afford to keep those things in my head if I have any hope at all of staying sober.
Maybe consider getting or using a different email which doesn't have your last name and giving your HG your new one. What is done is done. This is where we cannot control the actions of others and forgive them for anything we think they have done which we feel makes our lives "miserable"....and I say that because I was really good about making mental lists of all the things others did to me--while not paying enough attention to my own actions towards others. Now I cannot afford to keep those things in my head if I have any hope at all of staying sober.
Thank you for your thoughtful comments on this. I really don't mind putting my e-mail down for other AAs on a group list; it's usually not an issue. I cannot resent this guy or anyone else because it would impact my sobriety. I've learned to let most things go, because for this alcoholic it's the spiritual solution.
-- Edited by emmi331 on Thursday 17th of December 2015 09:05:46 AM
You are welcome. I still think it is amazing that you apologized to him. Shows what a special person you are and that you are working the program of AA and the program of "life" better than I have been. I am the type of person who is protective or maybe I am more of a control freak than I like to think I am. When I read your posting, I actually found myself getting po'd at this man who sent that to you which caused you discomfort.....it has nothing to do with me at all and I was getting bent out of shape! Isn't that the strangest darn thing? And I have been this way for as long as I can remember. My guyfriend--Someone can say something I interpret as "nasty" to him and I am extremely defensive and I have gotten more upset at the person than he has. Strange this mind of mine. Ha!
