A man and his son headed to market with their donkey. A man on a horse passed them and asked, "Why aren't you riding your donkey?"
The man placed his son on the donkey, and they continued on their way. They passed by a family working in their fields. A young girl said. "Look at that lazy boy riding while his father is walking."
The man told his son to get off the donkey, and he climbed on. They passed a group of women and one said, "What a selfish man, making his son walk while he rides."
The man asked his son to climb up on the donkey with him. They passed a traveler on the road, who said, "That poor donkey is carrying too much weight."
Not knowing what to do, the man and his son began to carry the donkey. But the donkey kicked so violently they released their hold and the donkey ran away.
The Moral of the story:In striving to please everyone, you end up pleasing no one.
Striving to be a people-pleaser can make you feel as if what you are doing is never right, and you lose your ability to make your own decision.
I will choose to do what is right for me.
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Pappy... This is so wonderful, it is worth framing! I really know first hand what a waste of time trying to please others is. I can relate so much to this quote.... "Striving to be a people-pleaser can make you feel as if what you are doing is never right, and you lose your ability to make your own decision."
For most of my life for some reason, it was so important to me to please others --no not just "others"--I wanted EVERYBODY to like me. (Clerks in stores, strangers I encountered, I was sick!) I would agree to do things I really didn't want to do out of fear of someone getting mad at me. I even slept with men who I thought were disgusting because if I said "No"--they wouldn't "like me" (this goes way back--I haven't had the need to slip back into that sick thinking, however, I was not so long ago, agreeing to do things I really didn't want to do, didn't feel "right" about doing. I didn't listen to my gut feeling telling me "you really shouldn't be doing this..." Such self-betrayal!
I have just learned --after decades and decades of living on this wonderful planet--how to say "No". Wow! Imagine that! I am still alive. I have also learned that I do not have to feel like I have to make excuses or justify my decision (the worrying about excuses/justification was in itself enough for me to do things just to get out of having to say those.."I can't because...") Not sure if I am making sense or not. Main thing is that it is such a joy as well as a relief to be true to myself.
Making sobriety my number one priority in my life now, it is becoming easier to be more assertive and look after myself. There has become a saying in AA that "We have to say 'yes' to everything we are asked to do in AA". I can tell you first hand---"NO! I don't have to agree to do everything." I can and will do things that are helping me in my own journey and if it helps someone else, that is a wonderful, terrific thing. There is another expression in AA which I like..."This is a selfish program". Absolutely. If I don't look after my own sobriety and protect myself from high risk situations, (controlling, manipulative people, getting upset over little things, etc) than I am no good to anyone! Not myself, others and Especially God. I am a God pleaser now!
-- Edited by hopefulone on Friday 4th of December 2015 07:51:58 AM
