I'm reaching out tonight in hopes of any words of encouragement. I had my first drink at 13 and it was great - made me feel normal! I'm 45 now and have had a serious problem with alcohol for the past 8 years (although plenty of alcohol related drama many times before that), but the past two years have been by far the worst. I've tried to get sober over the last 16 months only to relapse over and over and I feel like if there is a hell, this must be what it feels like. I am on my second marriage and my husband also has a drinking problem - only is not as serious about getting clean. This summer, I went to an inpatient treatment facility and stayed clean for only 3 weeks after. Only a couple of days before going, I got a DUI so I now have legal troubles Im dealing with adding to the stress of everything else.
Then after a drinking binge, I decided to go to AA and was sober for 6 weeks, but then relapsed again and have been suffering terribly since. I lead a high stress life owning 3 businesses with 13 employees and travel between two cities running my companies. Im at my wits end with the stress of my work, all of the financial obligations, traveling back and forth every other week along with the household stress and I need some solid help and a plan. The financial stress and responsibilities is daunting and I realize too that stress is a major trigger for drinking but I keep getting frozen as to where to begin to alleviate it. Recently, my husband went to an AA meeting with me and I felt like it was a really good sign that he was going to be on board with me about his own problem, but shortly thereafter, he got really depressed and it was obviously connected to the fact that he doesnt want to be labeled alcoholic, so rather than be willing to loose him, I jumped right back off that wagon. I know that one of the triggers I keep having is that he has continued to drink while I have been trying to get sober. That and the fact that my kids are now drinking and smoking a lot (following in my footsteps sadly) so I dont live in a sober environment.
In AA, I got a temporary sponsor during that 6 week stint, but when I texted her saying that I felt like drinking, she dropped me pretty fast. Im scared and feel like Ive let so many people down from all of the relapses and have lost so much trust with everyone in my family.
So today is going to be my new day 1 and I thought that this time, Id start with a better action plan - and step one would be to get into therapy, make an appointment with my doctor, and get to an AA meeting. Then, figure out how to minimize my work stress as best as I can.
I relapsed just 3 weeks after I came into AA. That was on the 13th April 1988 my 1st entry. I returned after a solid drinking bout, on the 19 Aug 1988. At the age of 28, I did not believe I was an alcoholic. That's because I did not know what "alcoholic" was. Ignorance would have killed me. I stayed in AA because they were doing better than I was.
When I got down to studying the literature in AA, especially the basic text, I realised that I was a ticking time bomb. Another relapse would have sent me to the graveyard.
For me, the best way to conquer alcoholism was to study and apply the text that healed thousands of alcoholics. The 3 people who attended the 1st meeting with me, sadly have passed on, including my sponsor.
I realised I was forced to put 1st things 1st, and the 1st thing is my alcoholism.
I just finished 27 years of sobriety in AA and I still put my alcoholism 1st.
You have just completed step 1. ... 1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol-that our lives had become unmanageable.
As you probably already know, we work this program 'One Day at a Time' ... just don't drink for today ... and if we get a 'tomorrow' then we start it the same way ...
If you are serious 'bout living a sober life, then it is suggested to start AA by attending 90 meet'ns in 90 days ... those that do this have a much better chance of beat'n King Alcohol ... We found that put'n our sobriety 1st, above work, family, and friends we were able to stay sober ... No, you don't ignore others, you just have to have your main priority in life be'n your sobriety ... it must come 1st, above all else ... in time, you earn the 'respect' you lost back ... if the damage hasn't been too great ... and your kids will think if mom can do it, so can I ... that's if they ever get to the point they realize they need help too ...
Your husband may even go through a period of jealousy if you stay sober long-term ... this may become a problem, but you'll have the AA tools to handle it ...
Welcome to Day 1 ... congrats for make'n this decision ...
Love you and God Bless, Pappy
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Hello,
Thank you for responding to me. I just got back from an early AA meeting and it was a great meeting, with many folks with long term sobriety and some struggling and still drinking, and some very new with only a few months. I'm happy to be on Day 1 - and so happy to know that I'm not alone.
Although I physically feel terrible today, things are looking up.
I approached a woman - whom I've seen in the meetings before and she has 40 years of sobriety - and I asked her if she would help me - and she offered to sponsor me.
Things are looking up.
Shan
Oh wow, you ARE serious, ... this is great news ... to get a sponsor right off the bat ...
Be sure to get a list of ladies names for the times you get squirrely ... you'll want to have them so you can call and chat on those occasions ... the first few days will be hard cause your body will beg for a drink ... but this gets easier day by day ... no matter what is happen'n in your life, do not turn to alcohol for relief ... your friends in AA and God are for that ...
When we become alcoholics, we also become spiritually 'bankrupt' ... figr'n we can do everything by ourselves, we can't, we need a 'higher power' to draw strength from ... Mine is God ... and He hasn't let me down, ever ... and you will also come to know this when you get to the point of having a 'spiritual awakening' ... suddenly things will become very, very clear and you'll come to know that 'peace and serenity' the BB has in one of the promises ... the 12 steps in the BB work, if you will work them with your sponsor ...
I'll have you in my prayers ... Remember: ... "The Will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you." ...
Love you and God Bless, Pappy
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Staring Day 2 feeling so much better than yesterday. Slept 12 hours, woke up in a pool of sweat. Not nearly as shaky this morning.
Attended 2 AA meetings yesterday and heard many inspiring stories and it felt great not to feel alone and to remember how cunning and powerful this disease is. Got myself lined out to begin my alcohol education / therapy classes to begin tonight. I have to take 44 weeks of classes as part of the consequence for my DUI and when I found that out (months ago), I was horrified! But when I talked to the guy that teaches the classes yesterday, I had a much better attitude. He said that it takes a good year to "change a habit" and lightened it up by saying that anyone can take a class for 6 or 12 weeks but then just go back to their old ways - like how he starts a diet every new year and then drops it. I totally agree with him and I'm looking at this situation as a real blessing. He also assured me that the classes are small (no larger than 12) and therapy groups are 6 max and everyone is in the same boat as me.
The other two things I got set up yesterday for my action plan were I got an appointment to see a counselor specializing in addiction for later this week.
And most importantly, I talked to my kids and my husband about how essential it is that I live in an alcohol free environment and asked them if they would not ever bring alcohol in the house, or have it around me or drink around me. When I'm not drinking, I can smell booze like a hound dog. My older son said that he would commit to not drinking at all if that would help me! My husband wrote out his own action plan and asked me to give him the AA schedule and my younger son promised to not have booze in the house.
This whole thing is scary and I know the journey is long - and that I've had so many "day 2's" that I can't even count them... but I have never put together an aftercare action plan for myself and that's what I'm focused on.
Hello, Shan, glad you're here. It's better than being "there".
like some others have already said, you need to put getting and staying sober 1st in your life. It's the only way. For me, I had a pretty good business, and it involved traveling all spring, summer, and fall, but I stopped doing it. I said to myself "its too much stress, it's one of the things that makes me drink, and, if I don't stop drinking, I'm gonna lose everything anyway, so I'm not going back out on the road this year".
Maybe you could hire somebody to help with your business, like a sort of "manager". Even if you have to pay someone a decent salary to help you manage your business, and it hurts your bottom line in the pocketbook, it's better than losing your entire business. And, that's exactly what could happen if you don't stop the drinking insanity. I'm not trying to be negative, or scare you or anything, but, if you're anything like me (and we are around the same age), if you continue to drink, you're going to lose everything, your business, your family, your friends, and your freedom.
You really need to put your sobriety first. So, my suggestion to you, is to try to find somebody to help you run your stressful business.
One more thing: this takes time. You're going to go through a lot of emotional ups and downs in your first year of sobriety. But, it gets better, it really does, and you've got to remember that during the "down" times. Just take it one day at a time, go to meetings, (they're great to help you feel like you're not so all alone in this), read the Big Book, and come back here and hang out with us.
Lim 48, and I was right where you are now a year and a half ago. I never thought my life would be any "fun", or that I would be able to handle the stress of life without alcohol. But I was wrong. Life is WAY better without poisoning yourself everyday.
Have the best day you can, Shan. It's hard in the beginning, and I really feel for ya. We all know what youre going through. We've all been there. Better to be here.
You are so right. I Need to hire an assistant or manager for each business and quit being such a total perfectionist. I talked to one of my employees yesterday about the idea of promoting her to manage one operation and she is up for the challenge and it would take a major load off. And I have an idea of who could manage the second and third. I also know I'm absolutely worse with drinking when I'm traveling so in the interim when I travel this month, I'm going to ask my mother to go with me (who has never drank a drop in her life) to be my sober companion.
The stress is the the absolute worst thing for me and I have to get much of it off my plate and put my sobriety first! And honestly, I never have before. I always act like its important, but never have really walked the walk.
I'm willing to do whatever it takes to get and stay sober. And I'm going to keep reaching out to people who know how to do it and follow their lead. So, thank you for the feedback. xo
I also know I'm absolutely worse with drinking when I'm traveling ....
Keep in mind that there are AA meetings pretty much EVERYWHERE so as part of your trip planning, you can look up some meetings before you go and you can stay connected with AA while on the road. For me, finding AA meetings in far-away places while traveling has been a really wonderful experience. If you want any tips on how to find meetings, feel free to ask here.
Shan, for me, I had to realize the seriousness of my drinking situation. Once I realized it was no joke, that if I didn't act, and act now, I put everything else second. It seems drastic, but, my drinking was drastic. I looked at it like this: I've got 2 choices: 1. Keep putting off the quitting alcohol, and continue being miserable, and probably fall down into a deeper trap that will be even harder to climb out of...or...2. Stop now, make sobriety my first priority, and be happy about doing it.i chose option #2. And, the part about "being happy doing it" was very important to me. I didn't look at quitting as losing a "friend", or having no crutch anymore. I looked at it as killing an enemy. Because that's exactly what it is. Alcohol is an enemy of happiness, success, health, and sanity. I looked at it like I was starting a new life. A happier one. I knew, from doing lots of reading, and talking with former drinkers, that life is way better without alcohol. Once I truly believed this, and I saw alcohol for what it really is, it wasn't that hard to stop. I was actually elated and happy to be rid of that nightmare, poisoning my body and mind everyday.
When youre feeling like shit for the next couple of weeks, just realize that everyday you don't drink, you're killing that alcohol monster. That little thing inside that says "feed me alcohol", will get weaker and weaker the longer you starve it of what it wants. When you're feeling crappy, it's that alcohol monster crying out in desperation, because it knows you're starving it of what it needs to survive: more alcohol. Eventually, it will die (if you don't feed it), and you will be free. Until you kill it, you will be a slave. You will be under its control. It will dictate everything about your life. Is that the kind of person you are? Someone who likes to be told what to do? Someone who is controlled by someone or something else?
I didn't think so.
kill that stupid monster, Shan. And while you're killing it, be happy. Every craving you fight off, is one more battle you will have won against the monster. And eventually, it will die., and you won't crave it anymore. Once you see it like that, it ain't so hard to not drink.
Hi Shan, ...congrats on day #2 ... AND, it's good to hear you have the back'n of your family ... and the managing of your businesses sound like a great idea to turn them over to someone else for a bit ... Baba's right, if you aren't careful, there'll be no more businesses to tend to ... and Dave is spot on 'bout find'n and plan'n meet'ns on the road ... it's not that hard ... and ZZ mentioned a good start with do'n the 90 and 90 bit ... I was so sick I did 'bout 700 meet'ns in 700 days ... yep average a meet'n a day for nearly two years ...
We all here want to see you to whip this King Alcohols butt ... we're here to help in any way we can ...
Love ya and God Bless, Pappy
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
End of day 4 and I feel like a human being again! Shakes and Sweats and Puffiness are gone. I've been going to meetings every day and meeting lots of new people. And running into plenty of folks that I already knew in my community. Perhaps my favorite thing I've heard in a meeting thus far has been so simple: go to meetings every day, and don't drink in between. So, that's my 24 hour motto for now.
I made strides this week to getting some of the business stress off my back by hiring a manager for one of them. I saw my M.D. on Tuesday to go over everything with him, and he called me today to report that my bloodwork looks good. I attended my first alcohol education class and the lesson of the day was on the financial implications of getting a DUI. Average cost is $17,000 when its all said and done. We will see what next week's lesson is about.
I guess the best part of all right now, is that my husband decided to go to meetings and is on his way to his fourth one this week. No suggestion of mine. His choice.
Anyway, thanks for all of the feedback and support. It's really helping a lot. I like that this is truly anonymous. I haven't shared at meetings, so this is my little spot to do so I guess.
It sounds like you are doing so much to stay sober. I hope that you have a Higher Power to help you. AA meetings are great, your
husband's support and willingness is a great thing, too. But I have learned the hard way, if I depend on other people too much and don't have God in my life to depend on and be willing to go to EVERYTIME I am depressed, anxious, worried, fearful, than I am "DDD"--doomed to die a drunk.
People will let you down--God never will.
my heart jumps with joy that you've taken your sobriety so seriously ... those that don't, well, most of them aren't with us any more ... and the fact that your husband is becoming active in AA is a BIG plus ...
Congrats on 4 days ... may you learn just how good life can be ... sober ...
Love ya and God Bless, Pappy
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Your mention of the alcohol education course and what the tutor said about folks completing the course and then going back to their old habits reminded me of a piece I read by AA's good friend Doctor Silkworth. He was saying that for people in general there has always been a pattern like that. Someone gets a fright, maybe a heart attack, and their doctor puts them on a strict diet and exercise plan. While the memory of the heart attack is fresh, they stick to the discipline, but after a while the memory fades, they slack off and eventually stop what they were doing to stay healthy, and wham, another attack. Those kinds of disciplines are unrewarding in a sense, the same thing tends to happen in AA where all a member does is don't drink and attend meetings, it is an unrewarding discipline which sooner or later is abandoned, then wham.
But what he had to say about the AA program, the reason it could bring about permanent recovery when nothing else could was that, If you get into the SPIRIT of AA by working the steps and really joining in action on the AA way of life, there is an immense and ongoing emotional reward. Like Gonee, Pappy, me and many others on this board, we are active in AA because we have found this to be true. Tonight I will go to a meeting to see if I can contribute, not because I have to, but because I can. There is something in the spiritual nature of AA that makes all aspects of life worthwhile and takes us into another dimension of existence. The steps are the path to a life better than your wildest dreams.
WOW Mike(Fyne Spirit), ... You DO have a way with words ...
This is an excellent post, and the way you tied the whole program together and the results of work'n the program, AND it's rewards ...
Mike said: ... not because I have to, but because I can. There is something in the spiritual nature of AA that makes all aspects of life worthwhile and takes us into another dimension of existence. The steps are the path to a life better than your wildest dreams.
I could not agree more ...
Love ya man and God Bless, Pappy
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Day 7. What a week it has been! The spiritual nature of AA. This is the part that I have found most difficult. Now, and throughout my life. I didn't grow up with any organized religion per say - and I've got a pretty twisted, self absorbed "only tend to pray and call on God when I want something". I am asking God for help each morning so I don't drink that day, and each night I am grateful.
Attending an AA meeting or more once a day is starting to help me to see how to even begin.
It may help to be rid of any and all 'preconceived' ideas of just how this program works, ... it just does ... don't try to fig'r out the whys and hows ... just stick with it ...
There is no need to have had any previous religious background ... just know that there IS a 'higher power' and you ain't it ... to me???, that's God and it works like no other form I've known ... I have witnessed the miracles of recovery in the rooms of AA and other miracles in other parts of my life that NO explanation other than a 'divine' source was at work ...
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Day 13 and just got home from a noon meeting. I have a lot of fear of picking up again and have even had several nightmares that I was drinking (and hiding it). I think because I'e had so many slips while trying to get sober, it's what scares me the most right now. So glad I'm not drinking today though. I'm learning to pray and at this point, keeping it simple by asking God first thing in the morning to keep me sober, and thanking God right before I go to bed that I didn't drink today.
I met a woman at a meeting this week who gave me a great tip, which was to call someone from the program every morning and tell them what my plans are to stay sober for that day.
You're doing great. Glad to hear from you. Every day you don't drink, is one more day closer to happiness. And youre killing that alcohol monster more and more, every day. Keep on keepin on.
Drinking dreams are normal for us --and especially so early in recovery, based on my own experience and many shares from other alcoholics in the meetings.
Praying is Powerful. Also, great advice from that woman.
Congratulations on Day 13, Shan!!!!
Wow Shan, ... 13 days is fantastic ... and not easy ...
It's great to know that you are build'n a relationship with God ... THAT'S what pulled me through early on, and now in the present ... I began the habit of say'n the Serenity Prayer often during the day ... I had a stressful job at the time, and this prayer is what got me through ... it kept me focused on who was really in charge of things ... prayer is a powerful tool that we should all use daily ... good go'n ... keep up the good work ...
Love ya and God Bless, Pappy
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Thank you for your replies and encouragement. It's very helpful. Today was a bit tougher because drinking all through the afternoon on Sunday's is one of the more difficult habits for me to break. Glad the day is about over. Love to all. Shan
Hi Shan....Sundays were tough on me, too, when I first tried to get sober probably about 9 years ago. I did most of my heavy drinking on the weekends. In fact, all the days of the week became equally as tough, because when I would go out again my drinking increased and I eventually was drinking every day of the week and ended up drinking all throughout the day. Except for this last time I relapsed. Before I could drink all that crap and not get sick. It's strange--I didn't get that "buzz", that relaxation and numbness from the emotional garbage I was carrying around in my head for months was not gone at all. I went back to drinking thinking--this time is going to be different. I can drink once in a while when I feel I need it. I felt no giddiness. Just stupidity and remorse. And it made me sick. But, despite that, the compulsion to drink had kicked in and although it did nothing for me, I kept trying it expecting different results. I just got sicker and it took less and less to make me that way. I think I had enough sober time in me and enough "AA" in me to get back in the rooms sooner. Had I not, I am thoroughly convinced that I would have ended up dying because I cannot imagine my drinking increasing over the 20 plus drinks per day and me living through it. And I think God was doing for me what I couldn't do for myself. I think He was probably saying to me..."okay dumbass, you just don't seem to be 'getting it'....so drink up, and here goes...." Bam! The last time I drank, I had 15 days sobriety and right away, it made me feel like crap. So I thought that maybe I should just pour the rest out. Only, I am a bit stubborn, and thought....maybe some more will make me feel better....I got sicker and sicker and ended up pouring what I had in my glass back in the bottle with a funnel. By the next morning, I asked my roommate to pour whatever was in the bottle out. He did. I asked how much was in it and he told me about a third of a bottle. I could not believe it because I cannot remember all those years of heavy drinking ever not finishing a bottle and actually pouring any alcohol down the drain--(I thought of it like some "precious" stuff I guess.)
Anyway, I was so sick and in bed all day and thought I was going to die. My roommate wanted to take me to the ER I was that sick. My legs were numb and it was hard to walk to the restroom. (I had experiences with my legs doing that when I was drinking so much --it is due to nerve damage the alcohol causes--it can eventually lead to inability to walk at all--and was a warning to me.) I am so glad it made me sick. I haven't wanted it since. Had I not been and felt that relief and giddiness I was expecting, I'd probably be starting my day by going to the nearby 7-11 and being their first customer this morning.
I am glad you made it through yesterday without drinking. You know you can do it. And doesn't it feel good knowing that you stayed sober and can remember what happened yesterday?
Good for you in hang'n in there ... as H1 said, if we ever give up and drink again, try'n to find that blissful 'buzz' again, we simply get sicker ... we never will find that same pleasure we once found when we drank ... sure, I drank to pass out, to 'check-out' of life for a while, but it was the wake'n up that 'bout killed me ... sometimes I even injured myself just try'n to get to the Bathroom ... sad indeed ...
For me, it wasn't until I immersed myself in the program, that I was truly able to replace all that 'TIME' drink'n, with a ton of time go'n to meet'ns ... cause when I stopped drink'n, it seemed I had so much time to fig'r out what to do with ... *Like sittin' around on a Sunday try'n to relax so I could start Monday off runnin' ... but after all that relax'n, I had started call'n in sick nearly ever Monday ... hell, I could barely even move on Monday morn'ns ...
If we don't stop drink'n, it always gets worse, never better ... we never knew how fantastic life could be until we got (and stayed) sober ... it's better than you can possibly realize right now ...
Stay true to yourself, go to a meet'n ever day if at all possible ... it will work if you work it ...
Love ya and God Bless, Pappy
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
You are both right. I miss that "blissful buzz" but also know that its not going to happen again. The last time I relapsed, my story was similar to yours H1. I made myself so sick that I couldn't function for 3 days. The days were just a blur and that's when I knew for sure that I needed a solid action plan, which included 90 in 90 and embracing AA.
Now today its Monday morning and I feel good, rested, and not hungover. I can remember everything I said and did yesterday.
Today is day 15 and I grateful to God to be sober today. Love Shan
Shan, You're helping others. Me included. Your post is very inspirational to any newcomers and relapsers who are coming to this board. I remember when I first got sober. Of course the oldtimers were astounding to me with their years and years of continued sobriety. That was almost surreal in my mind--because I didn't believe I could ever beyond my wildest dreams get anywhere a decade or decades of sobriety. It was too overwhelming for me to "go there" in my mind. (And some of the oldtimers, I have to say, looked miserable--so I really didn't want what they had!) I was amazed at people who could get through a day, a week, two weeks, etc. of sobriety. People like you, who were coming to the meetings, some with big smiles and pleasant to be around who shared how much better they were feeling and how much happier they were by not drinking. Sometimes they would share they had a "rough day", but managed to get through it without drinking. Having relapsed not long ago, and my sponsor telling me that my thinking is much like it was when I was a Beginner myself. So I am paying especially close attention to postings by you and Fenners and other newcomers who freely express how you are feeling, come here for help, and continue posting letting us know how you are doing. And it makes me feel better and not so alone.
So whether you realized it or not, your postings are helping other suffering alcoholics by giving them more hope that they too can get and stay sober.
Today was another difficult day. I went to a meeting and reading this board has been helpful. Thank you hopefulone. One day at a time I know. I've dedicated this month to step one so I'm spending a lot of time reading 12 steps and 12 traditions and working step one. So glad the day is coming to an end. Praying in the morning and at night sure helps as well. One thing to know is that I never regret not drinking, I'm always so grateful that I'm sober, and the cravings do pass. Another craving that I don't usually have that's extreme right now is for sweets!
Hi Shan,
looks like you have a great recovery plan, very like the one I adopted initially, total immersion in AA. meetings, sponsor AND steps. In an earlier psot you mentioned difficulty with the spiritual bit of AA. AA doesn't have any other bits. When I realised that and the objective became to find this higher power which I did not understand or have any feeling for, things began to change.
The directions for taking the steps are found in the big book only. Step one "we had to concede to our innermost selves that we were alcoholic. The delusion that we are like other people or presently may be has to be smashed." I compared my experience to what was talked about in the first 43 pages, and the doctors opinion, and I could answer yes to both those statements. The problem is identified, now what?
The next step choses the solution we might come to believe that the AA spiritual program of acion is the solution, or we might believe something else entirely. "We needed to ask ourselves but one simple question. Do I now believe, or am I even willing to believe that there is a power greater than myself" (that could work for me as it has for you) This is all in chapter 4, we agnostics. I answered yes, so the spiritual path is what I chose as a method of recovery.
In the next step we make a decision to do whatever it takes to find this Power, and in step 4 we take our first tangible action to start clearing away the things that have been blocking us from the Power.
It really is that simple, and it seems to be action that brings understanding, not the other way around.
I like what FS said about "immersion" because that's what is required to conquer this disease. The program is there and it works. It's our choice to give it everything.
I like your commitment and as some of us would say, we have a winner here.
Good morning to all. I agree about the immersion and going to meetings every day, reading, and connecting with other alcoholics is helping big time - as is this board! I did find out last night that sugar is about the worst thing an alcoholic can be eating and should be totally avoided in recovery because it makes the cravings worse! So, today is Day 1 of no sugar for me. Day 16 sober and it's going to be a great day. I prayed to God to keep me sober when I first woke, and will attend a noon meeting.
Love, Shan
Morn'n Shan, ... sorry I'm late, backlash on this cancer treatment!!! ...
I absolutely love what Mike(Fyne Spirit) and Gonee posted ... it is 'spot on' ...
AND ... I was told the opposite on the sugar thingy ... I was told that when we stop drink'n, we stop the 'flow' of sugar into our bodies, and this causes a sugar withdrawal as well ... so I carried sweets with me everywhere I went for the first few months(okay if you're not diabetic) ... they said if weight gain occurred, then I could deal with that at a later date ... you see, sugar replaces the alcohol(lot of sugar) and helps to curb our 'crave'ns' greatly ... it worked for me ... a few minutes after poppin' some hard candy, my crave'ns settled down and disappeared ...
You're do'n great, keep up the vigilance ...
Love ya and God Bless, Pappy
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
While I am sure that sugar in excess is not healthy for anyone, it actually helped me. I was dieting before going out and I cut back big time on my sugar intake...and was pleased when I lost a bunch of weight (and as I said, I had cut back on caffaine). I don't worry at all about eating sugar. I have had no cravings at all for alcohol. I am not sure if it is because I eat treats now, or if, like I said in a prev. post, I got so sick off of alcohol. Doesn't really matter to me now. I have never heard that eating sugar makes you crave alcohol. I have always have heard the opposite.
Day 23 and every morning it is so nice to not be hung over and feel goodð Getting great sleep and running every morning taking vitamins and overall physically feeling well and the cravings seem to have subsided for now.
I have not been to a meeting since last Monday when I was out of town and it was one of those AA meetings where I had heard the same woman for four meetings in a row with the same exact share and I don't know if other people of had the same experience of just having a bad AA meeting. That was the day that I received a phone call from a Good Samaritan (a.k.a. nosy town gossip) who had heard from someone at AA that I had been going to AA and wanted to offer her support. She does not go to AA. That really upset me because it made me realize that it is not as anonymous as it's supposed to be and I'm pretty high-profile in my community. I thanked her for her concern. The next day I got a text from my old boss with a similar message. So, I'm really appreciating this board more than ever and the anonymity. I've had a hard time going back to a meeting since I returned back home. I plan on going to meetings next week when I'm traveling again.
I've also met two different women at different meetings who I connected with at first but then later found out that they're both continuing to drink!!! They must go to the meetings for moral support to be part of a group.
I'm reading the big book and praying to God to keep me sober and focusing on the steps with the plan to work on one step a month. I'm on step 1.
I've taken your all's advice as far as the sweets and not drawn a hard line on it. I go back to see my doctor today since it's been three weeks and he wants to see me every three weeks as we move forward.
Lots of love and have a great day! Shan
Thanks for check'n in Shan ... sounds like you're do'n great ... yeah, sugar crave'n ain't nearly as bad as the alcohol bit ... and after a time, even that'll taper off ...
As for anonymity, the higher the profile one has in the community, the more likely it seems for the word to spread when you go in look'n for help ... all groups should be read'n the anonymity statement at the beginning or end of every meet'n ... but it only takes one idiot to break the silence ... people are human ... it happens ... sorry you had to put up with that ... don't let it bother you and continue to put your sobriety 1st ...
Love ya and God Bless, Pappy
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Thanks Pappy. They do read the anonymity statement at the beginning and end of the meetings and the one idiot must be ignoring it. It's really a bummer. At the other city I travel to and attend meetings, I've seen celebrities and wouldn't dream of exposing them, yet in my home base, I must be the celebrity - hahaha. Just got back from seeing my doctor and he wanted to see me again in 2 weeks to keep monitoring me. It feels good to have a date to look forward to. He put me on an anticraving medication and is monitoring it. It seems to be helping as well.
Love you and have a great rest of your day! Shan
I'm reading the big book and praying to God to keep me sober and focusing on the steps with the plan to work on one step a month. I'm on step 1.
Hi Shan,
I have been following your posts and enjoyed watching your progress. You seem to have an open mind and have made the discovery already that the AA program resides in the Big Book.
I was just wondering why you plan to go so slow with the steps. I couldn't have waited that long to recover, infact when I tried to take my time, I ended up drunk. The problem was I didn't know how much time I would have before the obsession returned and put the drink in my hand.
In the basic text, the first 163 pages plus Dr Bob's story they give a number of examples of actual people taking the steps. With both Bill and Bob, it took 5-6 hours. They were not the same steps back then, but they were the same principles. Then, in the directions for the steps a number of words appear like next, at once, we take an hour etc, all indicating a certain pace was maintained to make the steps effective.
Recovery, having an 24/7 effective defence against the first drink comes as the result of the steps, it doesn't happen beforehand so we can do the steps, it happens only as the result. The steps are of course a set of principles for successful living. They are never "done" but are practiced in our daily lives. The sooner we learn and practice the steps the sooner we will be free of the alcoholic problem. Does it really make sense to delay?
Parkinsons law: Delay is the deadliest form of denial.
-- Edited by Fyne Spirit on Tuesday 22nd of December 2015 09:13:33 PM
-- Edited by Fyne Spirit on Wednesday 23rd of December 2015 01:07:22 PM
Shan, please remember that the program of Alcoholics is filled with suggestions. So, the steps are suggested actions.
The founders and pioneers of AA knew two things:
1. They had only begun to create and practice a program to attempt to get people sober.
"Our book is meant to be suggestive only. We realize we know only a little". (p164)
2. There were to be many ways to ways to work the steps of AA. There were few absolutes in how the steps could be, or should be, approached.
Working one step a month sounds like a reasonable approach to me, especially if you have consulted with your sponsor. I know of many sober alcoholics who took longer than that. I am one. You may start at a pace of one step a month then increase it. Or you may then slow it down. Depends on a few things.
You have shown progress in your recovery here in your posts. Keep up the good work And beware undue pressuring regarding your program.
It's probably a good thing not to go too slow. It's probably advisable not to go too fast. But you have to sort that out yourself. Depends on a few things.
The critical period for newcomers is the first 90 Days. During this time it's usually not good to pressure the newcomer with undue performance expectations. To do so can set them up for failure. Not good.
Do the best you can, Shan. And remember that alcoholics never win against King Alcohol.
Hi, we all have stressful lives, whether we get sober when we own 3 businesses, or we are in high school, or pregnant, or living under a bridge, or in grad school, or in bankruptcy court, or if we just got home from Iraq. Deal with the things that might kill you first. If that's the alcoholism, then the priority is to get a good sponsor and work the steps. If it's depression/ ptsd/ etc that might kill you, then your priority is to get a therapist asap. A good therapist always helps. Medication sometimes does and sometimes doesn't.
Somebody high-profile who quits drinking might also inspire others. It's not right for anyone to break your anonymity, but maybe some young mother with a drinking problem will hear how well you are doing and give the program a successful try.
I've been to meetings with big Hollywood actors and well-known rock stars. There was a former U.S. president that went to a meeting that I attended during my first year of sobriety. I have had problems and stress protecting my anonymity, but think about how much worse it must be for them.
Also, if you are someone high-profile, you can be of service to other struggling alcoholics, if you set a good example of an alcoholic doing the right thing with poise, dignity, gratitude, and joy.
...Deal with the things that might kill you first. If that's the alcoholism, then the priority is to get a good sponsor and work the steps. If it's depression/ ptsd/ etc that might kill you, then your priority is to get a therapist asap. A good therapist always helps. Medication sometimes does and sometimes doesn't.
This is good, practical advice--of a life or death nature sometimes.
Most newbies drop out within 90 days. And it's not because they didn't do ninety meetings.
