But I believe I hit bottom. I have been trying to get a fulltime job (I'm currently freelance and it is not going well). Every disappoint causes me to day drink (even after a morning meeting), I don't recall most of this past week, I don't know who I have spoken to and 3 jobs I was up for "went away".
THIS MEANS, I have no money for December bills. I live in NYC, so my rent isn't cheap. I can't go to re-hab- but I am looking into an out patient program in my neighborhood.
I'm 48 and a complete mess. I am my own worse enemy. Here is the kicker, I met an oldtimer at my morning meeting who LIVES IN MY BUILDING. I have her number, did I call?NO. I pray to my HP for strength and guidience. Tomorrow is a new week (a short one) and I have to figure out how to go to my parents about my $ situation. I have been such a worry and disappointment to them over these years.
You've been here at MIP for around 4 months ... and if you've done any read'n here when 'new-comers' sign on, then you 'know' what we suggest a person have'n trouble with alcohol should be do'n ... if you have no money for rent and the other bills you've committed to, how then, are you find'n money to keep drink'n ??? ... that's a very expensive pass time ... and if your parents do give you some money, how are you go'n to spend it ... or is it possible they can afford, and will, send you to a rehab center ??? ... AND, are you so sick 'n tired of be'n sick 'n tired that you're ready to go to any length to get and stay sober ??? ...
I'm sorry to be so blunt ... but you know you get to make a decision, you're the only one that gets to do this ... not us, not your mom, not your dad, YOU ... Are you go'n to keep live'n YOUR way of life, or are you go'n to live our way of life ??? ... I told my sponsor 'I don't want to do either one' ... he said 'I DIDN'T ASK YOU WHAT YOU WANTED TO DO ... I ASKED YOU WHAT YOU WERE GO'N TO DO ...' ...
AA group meet'ns are free ... if you can, you can put a couple dollars in the basket, but it's not required ... if you can go one day without drink'n(they don't like stagger'n stinky drunks go'n into meet'ns and cause'n a stir), then get to 2 or 3 meet'ns a day ... you mentioned have'n an AA old-timer live'n in your same build'n, so at least you are get'n to some meet'ns ... but you'll not get much out of them if you're mind is fuzzy all the time ...
Don't drink, go to meet'ns ... read the AA BB ... get involved ... OR ... keep do'n what you're do'n ... (NOTE: We have all faced this situation ... some of us, more than once ...)(many of those that just couldn't change, are now dead ...) ... (this IS a FATAL disease ya know ...) ....
Love ya and God Bless, Pappy
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
I'm 48, also, OP. I quit a year-and-a-half ago. I was almost broke, and I don't have a "backup". It was either quit, and get my act together, or, be living on the streets in no time. I live in a motorhome, which doubles up in the back as my welding shop. But with no money, where would I park the damn thing? With no money, how could I even drive anywhere? (Diesel truck...gets about 8 mpg).
luckily, you got your parents as a backup. But what is going to happen when they decide they don't want to be back-up parents anymore? Bro, it's time to do it. Putting it off is only gonna get you in a deeper situation. And, once you get down so low, it's harder to climb back out, cause you're just so down in despair, that you think it's impossible to get your life together, so, you just keep drinking.
Listen to Pappy. Get to a meeting tomorrow, and don't pick up that first drink.
Thanks guys.
I have a doctor's appointment today. I will get a referral for out patient (which I think is in the same hospital as my doctor)
I def need therapy along with the AA.
I hope your Drs appt went well ... as alcoholics, it's very important to be 100% honest with the Docs ... well, with everyone really ...
If you've really hit your bottom, it's time to change, cause if you don't, then things will stay the same ... and get even worse ... I pray you make the right decisions ...
Love ya and God Bless, Pappy
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Thanks Pappy. I was 100% honest with her.
Got my referral, called today to make my intake appointment.
On another note, my Tuesday night group had their 38th Anniversary tonight. A bunch of the senior ladies cooked enough food for 70 people
and I am stuffed. Talked to a bunch of old timers and it was a great time.
The thing for me, Photo, is that I never thought life would be any fun anymore without drinking. But I was wrong. (That's the first time in my life). And you even said you had a good time at the anniversary meeting. See, it's just a different kind of fun. It takes a while to get used to it, but you'll start seeing things and noticing things that you never did when you were drinking. And that, in itself, is kind of fun.
but the best thing is the relief. And with the relief, you're able to enjoy things that you never would have before. For me, it was just time to grow up. And I'm really glad I did.
When I see somebody drunk these days, I don't envy them at all. I'm glad and grateful that I got out of that trap. And Photo, my WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE has been about "partying". But that party wasn't fun anymore. This new one is. And a whole hell of a lot less problems.
I hope you stick with it. The meetings can be pretty fun, if you open your mind, and see things as they really are. There's a lot of unhappiness in the rooms, because there are new people who are just climbing out of the trap, and they don't feel better yet. But there's people who have been out of the trap for a while, and you can see the happiness in them. It's almost like an aura of relief when you're around somebody who has been off the sauce for a good period of time. You can feel the sense of relief all around you. It's almost like being born-again.
Btw, if and when I can think of something else I've been wrong about in my life, I'll let you know. I don't think there's anything else, but, I could be wrong. I was once before.
Hang in there Photo, sounds like things are go'n well ... never forget the 'pit' you're climb'n out of ... it can't be covered up and is always behind a corner, wait'n to swallow you up again ... Work the 12 steps and enjoy recovery ... Baba's right, it's a life far better than what we have ever known before ...
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
