The stumbling block for me was the 3rd step. For years I lived a selfish, self-centred life and I was not going to change. However my time was running out. As I met with my wonderful sponsor, he explained to me that life was easier to live with the 3rd step firmly in place.
This week, one of my sponsees relapsed. Same problem 3rd step not taken properly. Another one had a soft blow to him. He is teetering on the brink of a relapse.
I just eventually read properly and followed the clear cut instructions in the book. Willingness and open mindedness help me to take the step. There is not enough space here to tell the "all sorts of remarkable things followed." pg 63 AA book.
Yes even when we have come from surrender,admittance,acceptance and our own unmanageabilty from our 1st Step WE realize the central "action" in STEP 3 is a decision.And we realize that making a decison without following up with action is relatively meaningless.(e.g. we may decide to become an astronaut but if we don't follow it with action,training,schooling,conditioning it is meaningless) For Many of us , FINALLY ...WE made the decision,not the drug,not our families,the judge,the probation officer therapist or doctor.The Step does not say "we turned our will and our lives over to the care of God"its says "we made a decision" to turn our will and lives over...This we do daily as we make the decision and then we still may take back our will and life back for whatever reason (humans)I hear it a lot "Im afraid to turn my life over to anything,,,The decision is paramount of course with the willingness..WE believe it is our Higher Powers "will" for us to remain free from our addiction and also HP'S will for us to do things that will help us stay free,(meetings,sponsorship,prayer,giving back,etc)For me,I have personally found ,morning medtation on our 3rd Step/11th steps BEFORE even getting out of bed...HELPS setting up the day ,in another journey of daily recovery.Thank you my friend for the message of HOPE ON THIS WONDERFUL STEP. For this ole hardhead it has really solidified my journey of daily recovery..Making the 'DECISION' many cups of coffee ago,,it became easier to allow the "care of the God of my understanding"into my own life (keep it on me here)........Be blessed brother.....
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
Hey Gonee, ... Step 3 is for sure one of the biggest, most important steps there is ... for me, the first few attempts to work this program, I finally realized I was 'just go'n through the motions' when work'n this step ... I wanted to be like the others in the room and I rushed through the steps to get there ... you and I know it doesn't work that way ...
One must give up their selfishness and self-centeredness and truly seek to do the will of their HP ... which was and is far from what I wanted to do back then ... I wanted to do things my way, I still wanted to call the shots ... and when alcohol finally brought me to my knees, I gave up do'n things my way, and started do'n everything in my power to do the will of my HP ... then things started to change, and like you, so many good things started to happen in my life, there is not enough space here to list them all ...
It wasn't until I got a commitment out of my sponsees, to stop call'n all the shots in their lives and let their HP in to do that for them, that they were able to realize the way they were call'n the shots just wasn't work'n ... they had to come to know that 'their' way will simply not work and lead them right back to the pit they're try'n to climb out of ...
All it took for me was a little bit of faith in God, and when I finally did that, things started get'n better and better ... oh, I did go through periods of try'n to take back control, but quickly saw what that was do'n to me and quickly returned to re-commit to my HP ASAP ...
As long as I live by the Steps in the BB, I live in the 'Grace of God' ... What more could I possibly want??? ... I love living today, where in my dark days, life was to be endured, which is no life at all ...
Love ya Bro and God Bless, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Thanks Pappy and Mike for your valuable feedback. I know that both of you are strong in faith. My challenges are mostly with those I sponsor. I know that they are going to relapse, but they will not come to this decisive step to change direction.
The very best you can hope for is to relate to them what you've been through and do your best to describe the 'pit-falls' that are around every corner ... please do this in a way so as not to press them to have your same 'religious' views, ... I tried that, early on, and it just doesn't work ... I found that living my life with the conviction I have for my spiritual beliefs ended up making others curious as to how I could be so 'upbeat' all the time ... and they wanted to know how I could be this way, all the time ... THAT, opens the door for discussion on spiritual matters that puts them 'at ease' ... we should never force our beliefs on anyone, you know that ... it should be a matter of 'attraction' rather than promotion ... sound familiar ... ??? ...
Then, it's just a matter of how and why you believe the way you do ... and if they truly 'want what you have', then they'll listen ...
Oh, try not to decide their fate before the fact, even though all the signs are present ... pray for them to open their minds and their heart, they just may change in time to avoid the pains that go with relapse ...
Love ya brother and God Bless, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
It seems to be a common problem Gonee, it even has a name, the 3 step. In my experience the real issue is the fourth and fifth. The first action of step 3 is step four, that is the proof that step 3 has been taken. Each step leading into the next. Step three to me was a simple decision, but just making that decision didn't put it into effect. In step two I had become willing to believe that the power that helped others could help me. Step three was a decision to take action on that, even though I did not believe, I was only willing to believe. The explanation of step three talks about playing God, selfishness etc, but I wasn't in a position to understand that AS IT APPLIED TO ME specifically until I had taken step four. Then I began to see the truth about myself. Step 5 relieved me of that burden and only then was the way clear enough for the power to flow, I felt it, I had my proof, I began to believe.
These were roughly my thoughts and attitudes as I went through the early steps.
1)I've had enough, I can't beat this thing and I don't believe I can make it.
2) Well, if it worked for these folks, it might work for me.
3) This Higher Power thing seems important. I better try prayer and look for the results. How do you do that?
4) This is a surprise. I now feel the need to do what I most wanted to avoid, steps four and five. I don't understand this, I'll ask my sposor to help me through.
5) The day after step four. Courage is fear that has said its prayers. Start off stuttering and gagging, trembling, getting all the skeletons out of the closet. I knew deep down I had to do this or I would not survive. Held nothing back. Discovered I am not the worst person in the world, just an ordinary alcoholic. Read step five promises on page 75 to describe how I felt. WOW! Had read those promises before and they were just words. Now they are my reality. Those AA folks were telling me the truth, I am on the right track at last.
The main problem is we take too long getting to step four. We hear that step four is difficult and laborious. We see loads of people always stuck on step four, looking for a sponsor they can trust, always willing to start again but never getting to a fifth step, and while this delay is going on our lives begin to improve through just not drinking, and the thought of going back through our lives looks more and more painful, so the resistance to step 4 increases, then come relapse, or years of dry drunk misery.
You know, Pappy I shared today and I did not have a drunk log story for them. It was a 24 month blackout before coming to AA. My wife also shared on the same panel and she also said the same story.
I've done my fair share of sharing my story in the rooms and at speaker meetings ... I know what drove me to the AA rooms and I know the steps I took to be in recovery ... but to give a 'drunk-a-log' story, I'm much like you cause much of that time is simply a blank space in my memory ... oh, I can site some really, really dumb things I did during those days but those are best kept 'short 'n sweet' cause it's stuff most in the rooms have done themselves ... The important message needing to be discussed, is the recovery ... and that, is no laughing matter ...
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
It's great to hear from you ... how you get'n along with the VA ??? ... AND, How's your mom do'n ... AND How's the Cottage come'n along ??? ... AND How's sobriety ??? keep'n you and your mom in my prayers ...
Love ya and God Bless, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
