I was first introduced to AA some 20 years ago and went for awhile, all the while still drinking. I guess I wasn't ready to admit or work the steps. I just sat quietly and listened. I am going to my first meeting since then tomorrow. It was in August that I admitted to being alcoholic. I have been sober for 35 days. Yay! It has been hard though. My pastor is in the program and she has offered to be my sponsor. I read what was shared with me on here about being a sponsor and what they do. I always feel like I'm bothering my pastor though, but she doesn't make me feel that way. She is very kind, supportive and understanding and has asked me to her office next week because I am ready to start on step 4 which really scares me badly. Should I accept her offer to be my sponsor or should I wait? What should I say and do when I go to my first meeting? Like I said before I just went and listened and never introduced myself or spoke at all. I don't know if I should tell them I'm a newcomer and how many days I have been sober or if I should just sit and listen to what they all have to say. It is at a church which makes me feel a little more comfortable about going since I've been a Christian for 38 years. What amazes me is that I was a Christian in service......my husband has pastored 4 churches but indulged my addiction all along. I drank for the sole purpose of it knocking me out. I never enjoyed it. I drank hard and fast so I would pass out. I didn't care about how I felt the next morning.. Also I do not have my family's support in this as they keep telling me I am NOT an alcoholic. But I am and I know I am. I cannot help myself only God can help me and keep me sober. I also know it is important that I not become dependant on someone else in this, but must work it out between me and God or rather allow God to work it out in me. So should I do these things? It seems to me that they would be helpful. What do you think?
First, it's great that someone has offered to be your sponsor. However, it sounds like you have tried to work the first three steps on your own, without the benefit of guidance or input from a sponsor. Your initiative and enthusiasm is admirable, but I cannot emphasize enough how crucial those first three steps are. I strongly encourage you to take the time to go through the first three steps with your sponsor before you attempt to move on to the fourth step. Don't be concerned about 'bothering' your sponsor. Sponsoring someone and helping them go through the 12 steps is an important part of what we do to stay sober, and it's a privilege.
Regarding the meeting - as you know, many meetings will ask if there are any new members present. If they do, feel free to just say your name and that you are an alcoholic. From my own experience when I was new, it was more comfortable if I got there are few minutes early (rather than walking in late). It also helped me feel more comfortable if I had something to do, so I would ask if they needed any help setting up the meeting. And at the end of the meeting, don't bolt out the door right away. If someone said something during the meeting that you really liked, tell them so after the meeting. Ask for some literature and/or a meeting directory. Ask some folks if they can recommend other meetings that they really like.
Also, have you considered asking your sponsor what meetings she attends, and maybe going there too so you already know someone? And of course, you can also ask her about these types of questions that you are asking here regarding going to your first meeting and get her input as well.
I hope you have a great experience at the meeting, and please come back here afterwards and tell us how it went!
Okay Dave and Tanin, thanks for the responses. I haven't moved on to step 4. I'm just kind of resting in steps 1-3 because I already feel like I'm a different person. I will see my pastor tonight and ask her about going to my first meeting. I like the idea of arriving a little early and staying for a bit afterward. Like I said when I went to AA 20 years ago I never said a word and never really talked to anyone. I did read the sponsorship pamphlet Tanin, just earlier today. So I understand that a little more than I did before. She wants me to meet with her to discuss the steps with me so I probably will not be like someone who would like to try it on their own, but I don't want to become dependant on another person either or put them on the throne in my life instead of God. I said earlier that I have been a Christian for 38 years but after my admission in August and stopping to drink I feel like a new Christian all over again. I don't think I ever relinquished control or being selfish until now. I have been reading the Big Book. I will ask my sponsor about meetings she might go to, and see if I can tag along. Great advice from you guys and I will be back after I go to my first meeting and after I have met with my sponsor regarding the steps and I will take your advice and not move on to step 4 until I am ready because it seems a little scary and step 5 seems even scarier. But since my sponsor is a pastor I think it will be okay. I know she has kept everything I have shared with her so far in strict confidence and as a pastor she is a really good one. So I think she will make a good sponsor. I just don't want to lean on her too much. So thanks again!!!!! I'll be back.
... so I probably will not be like someone who would like to try it on their own, but I don't want to become dependant on another person either or put them on the throne in my life instead of God...
TH62, you're on the right track. The sponsor-sponsee relationship should be one of equals. No one in AA should think himself superior to another AA member. Unfortunately, some sponsors call into that trap...
1) It was in August that I admitted to being alcoholic.
2) I cannot help myself only God can help me and keep me sober.
3) but must work it out between me and God or rather allow God to work it out in me.
Step one: Admitted we were powerless over alcohol ... plenty of acknowledhement of unmanageability in your post.
Step two: Came to believe that a power greater than oursleves could restore us to sanity.
Step three: Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him.
Sounds to me like you have genuinely taken those first three steps, maybe not formally, but in your heart. One of the step three promises is that God will give you what you need. The thing I needed was the courage to take the first practical action of step three, which is step four, and that is exactly what he gave me. And like you, He also gave me a sponsor willing to help me through.
Seems to me that God has set you up to succeed.
After step 5 the Big book suggests we take an hour to review the first five proposals. That is a good time to double check your work on steps one to three. By then, if you have been thorough, you a going to be pretty delighted with the results.
-- Edited by Fyne Spirit on Thursday 15th of October 2015 07:58:10 PM
-- Edited by Fyne Spirit on Thursday 15th of October 2015 07:58:37 PM
