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Baba Louie


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I have a problem...
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with people when they say "I'm so proud of you", for staying sober. Actually, I don't have a problem with the people who say it. I just have a hard time hearing it. 

Quitting the poison isn't something I'm proud of, because I never should have let it get that bad in the first place. So, people are "proud" of me, for returning to a somewhat normal state of mind? Look, I know that what they're saying is meant as a compliment and encouragement. But I believe pride is something you should feel after achieving a big accomplishment. Like, the guy who built (designed and contracted the job) the Brooklyn Bridge. Or somebody who completes hiking the 2000 mile Appalachian Trial. Or the guy who wins the Nathan's hot dog eating contest every year.

i know that staying off the sauce is a hard thing to do for an alcoholic. It is quite an accomplishment to be sober for any length of time. I can accept the "pride" word a lot easier when it comes from another alcoholic, because they really know how hard it is, probably harder than building the Brooklyn Bridge. But not harder than winning the Nathan's hot dog eating contest.



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Pythonpappy


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Yeah, I know what you're say'n ... people often mean well, but comments like that can actually have a somewhat negative effect ... like it makes you feel like you're 5 years old again, LOL ... like you should have known better than to let your drink'n get outta hand to start with ... ha, if they only knew, huh????? ... ... ...



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Baba Louie


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Yeah, Pap. It kinda does sound condecending. Like you said, "like yer a 5 year old". I know people mean well, and I know they're genuinely happy for me, it's just the "proud of you" thing, for some reason, strikes me wrong. "Happy for you" would sound much better. For some reason, the "proud" thing makes me feel like a loser. Like I said, I know people mean well, but I've always expected more of myself. Climbing out of a hole that I dug myself into in the first place isn't really an achievement. Achievement is when you do something above and beyond what is considered average. Climbing out of the hole just puts me back to a normal level of what society considers acceptable. But now that I've quit drinking, I can work on things, and maybe achieve something that I can truly be "proud" of. 

Ive actually achieved things in my life that I'm proud of, but getting sober isn't one of them. Am I happy I beat alcohol? Hell yeah! Happier than any non-alcoholic could imagine. It's the best thing I've ever done for myself. But "proud"? No. I'm not proud that I'm an alcoholic. I am happy to be a sober one, though.



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Tanin


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proud
proud/
adjective
 
  1. 1.
    feeling deep pleasure or satisfaction as a result of one's own achievements, qualities, or possessions or those of someone with whom one is closely associated.
    "a proud grandma of three boys"
    synonyms:pleased, glad, happy, delighted, joyful, overjoyed, thrilled, satisfied,gratified, content
    "the proud parents beamed"
      
    •  
       
        
        
  2. 2.
    having or showing a high or excessively high opinion of oneself or one's importance.
    "a proud, arrogant man"


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Pythonpappy


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Thanks Mr. Pickle, ... ya know? ... I actually started to look up the definition myself, just didn't feel like it at the time, so thanks ...

(don't you just love American 'English' ???) ... (words with a dozen different meanings depending on how it's used, LOL) ...



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Baba Louie


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I can't believe you guys have to look up the word "proud" in the dictionary. Jeez.



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Pythonpappy


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LOL ... ... ... well, despite the numerous meanings one English word can carry, depending on its usage, AGE has a way of creeping up on ya and it is sometimes advisable to remind one's-self of a word's original meaning ... kinda refresh one's memory ... (left to my own thoughts, I can come up with some pretty wild variations, LOL ... ) ...



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Baba Louie


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It's ok, Paps. Sometimes I have to look up words, too.



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Pythonpappy


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Ah-Ha ... ... ... the truth surfaces ... go fig'r ... ... ... LMAO ...



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Fyne Spirit


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Tanin wrote:
proud
proud/
adjective
 
  1. 1.
    feeling deep pleasure or satisfaction as a result of one's own achievements, qualities, or possessions or those of someone with whom one is closely associated.
    "a proud grandma of three boys"
    synonyms:pleased, glad, happy, delighted, joyful, overjoyed, thrilled, satisfied,gratified, content
    "the proud parents beamed"
      
    •  
       
        
        
  2. 2.
    having or showing a high or excessively high opinion of oneself or one's importance.
    "a proud, arrogant man"

 Well, I always felt awkward when people praised me for the achievement of getting sober, because I know it was not my achievement. Other than bringing a little honesty and willingness to the table I did nothing, had no power, had insufficient knowledge, has no success at all  at getting sober on my own.

What I am proud of is expressed in the third step prayer "Take away my difficulties that victory over them would bear witness to those I would help of Thy power, Thy Love and Thy way of life". That's what happened, and it was not me that did it.



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Baba Louie


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But it was YOU that made the decision to stop. So, you can be proud of that.



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Baba Louie


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There I go, I used that word. Duh.



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Baba Louie


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I think we can be proud of our sobriety, to ourselves. I mean, yeah, I'm kind of proud that I'm sober. But thats an inner thing, inside my head. I don't tell people I'm proud that I quit, and have stayed quit. I tell them I'm happy I quit. 

I saw the dictionary definition, and I saw the synonyms. "Happy". But that is not how it's used in our everyday language. We don't sing, on somebody's birthday "proud birthday to you...proud birthday to you". Ren and Stimpy didn't say "proud proud, joy joy". 

It's not a big deal, folks. It's not like I'm gonna go drink over it. I just don't see how somebody can be "proud of me" for not drinking. And, like Pappy said, it sounds a little condecending, and in a way, it makes me feel a little smaller than the person who says it. JUST SAY HAPPY ALREADY!!!!!

Thank You



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hopefulone


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Well, it's good you don't let that "get to you", baba.

I am going to be different here. I am very proud of myself. My mom tells me how proud she is of me and I have had my ex DH tell me. All my life I have beat myself up, felt less than everyone else, really didn't feel like I have had or made any significant accomplishments. I have put myself down as a big loser, and other negative adjectives most of my life. It was not until I was able to get sober with AA's and of course God's help, that I have felt better about myself. There is nothing wrong with my mom telling me she is proud of me for doing something my father wasn't able to do, his father wasn't able to do and many other relatives of mine were not able to do. Does it make me sound prideful? Braggart?

I really don't care if it does. I am proud of myself. So there.

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Baba Louie


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I'm proud of you, too, Hopefulone. And happy.



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davep12and12


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Here's what works for me on this topic:

1. if someone says that they are proud of me (for getting sober), well, that's their feelings and they are entitled to feel however they want, and I'm genuinely glad it makes them feel good.

2. If someone says that I should feel proud about my sobriety, I just smile and tell them 'thanks,  but I'm better off when I aim for feeling grateful rather than feeling proud'. They seem to like that, and it's the truth.



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Pythonpappy


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Well said Dave, ...well said ...



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justadrunk


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Projecting is natural and healthy if representing empathy.imotmp_12878-FB_IMG_14260001972941584374536.jpg



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Baba Louie


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Yeah Dave. Grateful. That's it. You hit the nail on the head. (I think I missed, and hit my thumb).



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chris


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My mother knows my sobriety date better then anyone else but me. Every year, even though we only live 20 mins away from each other, she sends me a card on the date I got sober and says how proud her and my dad are of me. She's not an alcoholic and doesn't understand "how it works". If she is "pleased, happy, thrilled and content" that I've remained sober for over eight years, then I am grateful for her acknowledging it. I put my husband, kids, parents and anyone else around me through a lot of crap before I finally got help in AA. You know, everything doesn't have to be so complicated and overthought. If someone says they're proud of you for getting and staying sober, a thank you to them would suffice.

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Tanin


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chris wrote:

If someone says they're proud of you for getting and staying sober, a thank you to them would suffice.

The simple approach, eh?

There's a thought.



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Baba Louie


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Yes. I thank them. And tell them I'm happy.



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Baba Louie


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I understand the whole "keep it simple" concept. But I can't just sit around, like a vegetable, with no thoughts about anything in my head. If I'm going to be like that, I may as well be drunk. I ALWAYS tell people "thank you", when they say they're proud of me. I only brought this topic up because I wanted to know if anybody else ever got the same feeling I get when somebody says that. So far, it's 6 for proud, 2 for happy.  Me and Pappy. (I'm proud to be happy, Pappy. How bout you?)



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Pythonpappy


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You betcha, ... that's always better than the alternative, huh??? ...



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