Hello everybody: This is humbling to me to share this. I want to come back to the program after a long and embarrassing relapse (I mean, something like 7 1/2 years). I once had long term sobriety, over 20 years. Violated "h.a.l.t." and "to thine own self be true." What I mean on the latter His that at age 60 I accepted a job that was way over my head and much too demanding for the deteriorating physical energy that a person still working has at that age (I was a traveling salesperson covering multiple states...did it for over 20 years. It takes the life energy right out of you). Anyhow, I was in the wrong place at the wrong with, with the wrong people (frenemies). Someone (my former boss), poured drinks in front of all of us over dinner (that never happened to me during all of the year's of my sobriety), I was caught off guard, was in violation of h.a.l.t. (was very tired, lonely, and, I think angry about getting beat up on emotionally during the course of the day), and I picked up. Bad, bad choice. While I have had some sobriety after that, it has been admittedly, "choppy." 2 years and 2 months, once, then 6 months just recently. Then after that pickup, a landslide and I'm through. I miss mostly the fellowship with spiritually-minded people. I want to come back. Please pray for me...I need it.
Welcome back. Thanks for sharing that experience. It might prevent somebody like me from relapsing. My suggestion is get working with a newcomer. I found that new people just don't care and are not judgmental. They just want to live the new life.
Forget about the relapses and give the rest of your life to God. Reaffirm the step 3 prayer on page 63 of the AA book.
Wish you well and keep posting on the board. I pray that you will freely give of yourself.
I always figure there is only one reason people relapse.
They started drinking.
If alcoholism is a disease... then the definition on my book is that it's anything or little voice that tells me it's ok to drink today. After all... it is basically a parasite trying to kill it's host... using you're own best convincing mind against you.
I'm sure you know that love for self smashes that little voice... and loving self like a hp would is the easier softer way.
Xxxxhugsxxx
__________________
Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
Welcome back, naderman! There are plenty of people in the meetings who may have many years of sobriety but I am sure some of them are right where you were just before you started drinking, and they really need to hear your story. You can make a huge difference in the lives of others. We need you in AA. Please come back to the meetings and share your experience with the other folks in AA.
Mahalo Naderman for the honesty and courage. I've told some of my sponsees who relapsed and came back in that it would seem impossible to me to go back out without taking my sobriety with me. You got my prayers while I believe your HP was out there with you. ((((hugs))))
