I've heard of many marriages ending because of drinking but mine will end because I chose sobriety. 26 years (25 years were happy, 1 year of hell). I was served papers today ordering me to appear in court. The old me would have drank myself into a tizzy, but the new me is really ok with it. The old me looked for a reason to drink and this would've took the cake. It didn't come as a surprise, only surprised it took him this long to find me. Instead of mad or sad, I actually feel relief. That "happiness" (if you could call it that) would have made another great reason to drink/celebrate. I choose to stay sober and it really doesn't have that much effect on my life. I don't think it will hit me later because I had planned this for later when I could afford it. I've come a long way and the AA program taught me not only how to be sober but to handle stress, be happy, get realistic and many other things I was lacking. I still have plenty of character defects but in time I'll deal with those, too.
My choice of sobriety wasnt the only difference we couldn't resolve. Dropping out of the church and having busybodies influencing my soon-to-be ex and our son ruined the family relationship beyond repair. What hurts most was another Mother's Day passing without a word from my son. I won't drink over it because it wouldn't improve anything. I may never hear from him again since he was told to "disconnect" from me and he's too brainwashed to think for himself right now but he will mature one day. Drinking won't fix it and I remind myself "to thine own self be true". Being able to accept what I can't change with this situation is really huge for me. The AA program has strengthened me beyond belief. The old me would've drown my sorrows. The sober me looks to the future with hope and a calmness that I have no explanation for. My mother is more upset than I am.
Before I got into the program, I was a nervous wreck. I still have anxiety at times but am learning the value of prayer and meditation. I learned how alcoholism affects me personally and have worked hard to get honest with myself so I can make a reasonable plan for dealing with stress. I call on my Higher Power and I get some kind of answer even if it wasnt what I expected. It always turns out to be what I needed even if it wasnt what I specifically wanted. God knows what's best for me even when I dont. I've learned humility and gratitude on a new level. I've been to hell and back to be where I am today and life is good. AA has taught me much more than how to live without drinking, it's taught me how to LIVE! And for that, I'm grateful!
I can Identify and know ,based on my own evidence,that God(of our own understanding) always has a plan for us.I was divorced twice and heading for a 3rd before after almost 3 long decades from early childhood,I admitted and accepted our 1st step 100%..My own journey into daily sobriety,found me struggling in how to LIVE with different people,places and things and a life I didn't know....Daily change and work continued me on the road to Freedom.My two oldest children(48/49) Were taken from me and became estranged for many years.(Today we have a good relationship and with work OUR love is healing a lot of the wounds)God has got me exactly where I am supposed to be and as I look back over the decades it is the Journey,with guidance, that has been set for me..Each day before I rise from bed, focusing especially on our 3rd/11th STEPS and thank God for another day of LIFE....Spending the days,to the best of our ability ,guided by that higher power and the application of the STEPS in all areas of our lives keeps us well grounded.Yes AND WE DO STUMBLE AND FALL DAILY,,,BUT getting back up and knowing that we may not be able to "control" what happens each day but we can control how we let the events affect us keeps us finding continuing strength. .. I do believe our "pain shared is pain lessened,,so I can only suggest keep sharing how you feel and allowing yourself all the emotions that come with your feelings.....Thank you for positive message of HOPE for myself and others who may still be "caught in the grip" Have a blessed and productive day,,living in this day,without Projection of tomorrow is what we are given,,,,,embrace it,,put your faith in that Power greater than yourself and find that "peace that surpasses all understanding...In humble gratitude and GRACE(that unmerited favor that is bestowed on us the daily Journey in freedom from active addiction continues Let us give thanks....
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Selfishness-self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles.
Thanks for sharing. I believe my entry into AA and very good sponsorship was what had saved my marriage. I have to learn brand new skills to function in loving relationships.
Thanks for your post Jerri, ... All I can say of my experience is that one day I begged my wife to take me back to 'rehab' to which she replied, okay, this is the last time ... I've seen a lawyer about a divorce and this is your last chance ... That was in Feb. '08 ... we're still married ... in two months it will have been 42 years together ...
God Bless, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Thanks to all for your insight and support, it means a lot. Sobriety means a lot, too. The changes in my life since choosing sobriety no matter what comes my way is what keeps me going. For me, there can be no "accidental slip"...that would lead me down the road to disaster (been there done that) and no guarantee I'd make it back. The disappointment I would have with myself would be more overwhelming than just facing the crisis. Nothing would be worth throwing away what I've worked so hard to accomplish and not a day passes that I forget where my drinking would've taken me if I hadn't given it up. Until it was a voluntary choice from the heart I was just going through the motions. By putting my whole heart and soul into it I now experience the joy, even on the crappy days. :)
My 1st marriage ended, by my choice, so that my sobriety could survive. I had tried for a couple years to get sober and stay in the marriage, which was pretty damaged, by both of us drinking and arguing. So in truth sobriety didn't end my marriage, it was all but over, it just had to end in order for my sober life to begin. No regrets, it's very obvious now, 26 years later (and sober) that my x-wife and I were incompatible. I met my second (and current) wife at 3.5 year sober. This marriage has been awesome. We've never had an argument. Most people won't believe that. I had a 2 year old son, when my first marriage ended. My son came to live with me at age 13-18. I enjoyed that tremendously.
StPeteDean,
Glad to hear things turned out well in the long run! Your story is a good example of how change is a positive new beginning! Thanks for sharing.
