Since December 2006, I started discovering my true Higher Power...Whom I choose to call God. I think of Him as my creator. I was under duress when I discovered Him, and it happened because there wasn't a church service of my affiliation (in Baghdad). I was invited to a Christian service and enjoyed it very much. It was very different from anything I'd experienced before and made a lasting impression, but at the time I was sure it was just something to get me through the time. Sadly, I forgot about Him for awhile after I got home (but He never forgot about me!). Alcohol and going back to my old church sent me in the wrong direction.
God didn't create me to be a drunk, but I was so lost in the disease that I had lost my awareness of purpose for a time. I followed my urge to seek Him again, even though I was creating conflict in my family. I was seeking, but not earnestly. A drastic move to another state and an AA meeting changed that! I began seriously defining my relationship with my Higher Power. Until then, my HP was the group. The group had strength and sobriety, even a sense of humor. I was getting back on the right track and even though I felt miserable physically, I felt good mentally.
I've spent time thinking and meditating about the miracles God has given me and I have a lot to be thankful for. I'm not a religious person since I became disheartened in my old church, but now I'd call myself a spiritual person. AA is where I find the most fulfillment. I'm still figuring out my exact relationship with God. It hasn't happened for me like a bolt of lightning out of the sky, but in bits and pieces over time. I replaced my Hubbard books with a Holy Bible, I have no doubt that what I seek will be found here!
I've had my Spiritual Awakening, now I'm fine-tuning it so I can feel connected to my HP and feel a personal reassurance. I know the direction I want to go in and I'm not sure the slogan "fake it till I make it" fits because I don't want to be perceived as a phony. It's there, just not as strong as I've seen it in others, even newcomers.
When I feel my HP isn't as close as I'd like, I try to look at things around me that prove He's never left my side...kinda like the story "Footprints in the Sand". He's carried me through a lot, no reason for Him to stop now and I'm still sober. Today, there's only one set of footprints because He carried me through.
Keep on keepin' on!
Jerricka
Wow, ... This sounds a lot like me and my experience ... AND it reminds me of what the BB says on page 55:
Yet we had been seeing another kind of flight, a spiritual liberation from this world, people who rose above their problems. They said God made these things possible, and we only smiled. We had seen spiritual release, but liked to tell ourselves it wasn't true. Actually we were fooling ourselves, for deep down in every man, woman, and child, is the fundamental idea of God. It may be obscured by calamity, by pomp, by worship of other things, but in some form or other it is there. For faith in a Power greater than ourselves, and miraculous demonstrations of that power in human lives, are facts as old as man himself. We finally saw that faith in some kind of God was a part of our make-up, just as much as the feeling we have for a friend. Sometimes we had to search fearlessly, but He was there. He was as much a fact as we were. We found the Great Reality deep down within us. In the last analysis it is only there that He may be found. It was so with us.
I always hated the slogan "fake it til you make it" too ... AND I made a big 'stink' about it during a meeting early in my recovery ... I said I do not intend to 'fake it', that I wanted real life recovery and there wasn't anything fake about why I was here ... then one of the wise men in our group told me, why don't you just act 'as if' God is your HP until you feel more comfortable with the idea ??? ... huh, that made all the sense in the world to me ... so I did, and soon it happened, the spiritual awakening I'd heard so much about ... wow, who knew ??? ... ... ...
Great topic ... God Bless, Pappy
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
I can identify with you. I was faking so many things when I was drinking. On my re-entry into AA on the 19th August 1988, I was deadly serious about my recovery. I bought all the literature in AA and attended all the meetings. Incrementally I started to grow spiritually. Ironically it was in the rooms of AA, was where I found Christ, where He was never even mentioned. Because I have found that, it was only the broken hearted that worship God. Those who have lost much can love much.
