I had education #7 on Thursday, it was about anger management. Pretty much that it's okay to get angry, it's what you do with it that's important. I wish my husband had been there too, he could use some advice. But of course he would deny having a problem, it's everyone else, never him. Usually after these classes I would go downstairs and share a little bit of what I learned, but this time I didn't. I knew he would just start focusing on my anger issues and totally ignoring his own. I think I've doing better with my own anger, when I get upset, I look for something funny to snap me out of it, usually a good laugh is just what I need to flip that switch back.
I really don't think I'm wrong to get upset and not want to talk to him when I come home from work and I'm in a pretty good mood, and he's storming around the house pissed of because of something he saw on CNN. Even commercials make him mad. I suggested he stop watching tv for awhile, and he kinda flipped out on me. Maybe I should start slipping some zoloft into his food (kidding of course, he's already accused me of poisoning him a few years back when he was having panic attacks all the time, even stopped eating)
Anyway, by the time he's finished ranting and gone back downstairs, I'm in a bad mood. I can't ignore him, that makes him madder, and I really can't go anywhere else. The kids mostly avoid him too, and then he's mad because we're disrespecting him. He doesn't respect us though, and thinks only his opinions are valid. I think it would be a boring world if we all had the same interests and opinions.
I don't expect there to be a magic solution, I can just keep trying to deal with it. I've been keeping a journal, and I leave it where he may find it, since when I try to talk to him, he gets very defensive and tries to tell me everything wrong is all my fault.
Thanks for listening, I just needed to vent. i feel a little better now. Now if only I could get warm...
hi, Michelle,, I've been waiting to hear what the latest topic is. Anger management, huh? That can be a tuffy. Part of manageing my anger with people is to develop effective communication skills. I see that is difficult in your situation also. I'm sorry to hear that the situation is so difficult between your husband and you. Have you tried counseling? Some counselors are very good at helping a couple, or even a whole family, to communicate in healthy and constructive ways. Kind of acting as referee at first, but teaching and coaching until the group is stable enough in new social skills to communicate effectively toward conflict resolution themselves. I've found it very helpful, as I learned a lot of crappy manipulative, defensive, stuff as a child that had to be dropped and then I had/have to relearn.
thanks for sharing,
love in recovery,
amanda
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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
Well, Amanda, I would be happy to attend counseling with him, if he would be willing to go. I've already been through quite a bit of counseling on my own, but when I suggest couples counseling, he informs me that I'm the only one with the problem. I'll just keep doing my best, until the kids are grown, whats another 8 or 9 years!
Oh well, I get some peace tonight, he went to a friends to play video games all night. Kids are in their rooms. I think I'll clean up my desk and try to accomplish somethine useful!
Reminds me of my dad. I can relate to what you're doing. We get through it one day at a time with our Higher Power, eh? I hope we can be some support to you.
love in recovery,
amanda
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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
Hi Michelle. Excellent topic. Anger is a big character defect for this gal. I continue to pray about it and recognize it for what it is. Recognition is half the battle in managing it.
My suggestion to you; pray your husband be given the gift of desperation. It's amazing how that one works and can turn 'us' around....
You're in my prayers...
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* We eventually realize that just as the pains of alcoholism had to come before sobriety, emotional turmoil comes before serenity. *
