My f2f topic the other day was "all or nothing". There were several who shared things like, they "collected" stuff. One was golf clubs, one was fishing gear, one rescued animals, one grew so many plants she couldnt' get in her front door, it was one extreme to the other for them. These folks spent tons of time and some of them spent tons of money on their "ALL". I listened, carefully, and after an hour and 2 days now I have come up with ONE thing I did "all or nothing " and that was DRINK. If I were with people I felt I had to control it in front of, if I was working the early shift (4am start) or when my son was younger than 12 and at home I just didn't drink b/c I knew when I started I was going "all" out and I wouldn't stop till I passed out. Everything else, i.e. hobbies, projects, hell even ex hubbys, I only did half assed. Alcohol is the only thing I did ALL or NOTHING.
Thanks for lettin' me share this...... Doll
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* We eventually realize that just as the pains of alcoholism had to come before sobriety, emotional turmoil comes before serenity. *
I have heard before that most alcoholics are 'all or nothing' people, and am not surprised that it was a topic for a meeting.
One of the ways that I tend to be 'all or nothing' is in being a perfectionist. This was taught me by my father. "All" is perfection,,, but see, the thing is that anything short of perfection is considered 'nothing'. 99 99/100% perfect is not absolutely perfect and so is failure and so is 'nothing'. A big part of my struggle in recovery is to come to accept things that are not perfect as more than 'nothing'. I saw myself as less than perfect and so also 'nothing'. (part of that equation also goes like this: if it is impossible to attain perfection, then why keep trying? so then I must just accept the 'nothing' . If I accept nothing and don't try to be perfect, then it is not failure when things come out sloppy, cuz I really didn't try.) I have come to accept some things as 'good enough for now'. Progress and not perfection. "Do my best, and God does the rest". I have ideals that I strive for,, that I aim for,, but have more patience and acceptance of the fruits of my labors, and of others.
A lot of the slogans are about helping us to accept things as they are,,, imperfect. About accepting where we are and letting ourselves grow gradually,, and being patient with the rate of learning in ourselves and other people. Not insisting that everyone and everything meet our standards of perfection RIGHT NOW. Cuz the old 'right now' thing is an all or nothing schtick also. Like 'it's right now or never!'
That's a good part of the reason why this bedroom ceiling thing and the resulting problems are so difficult for me. I need to accept this great imperfection, and that fixing it has to be a bit at a time,,, and that it won't be perfect.. I've changed the color of paint on the closet door 4 times!! not attaining the perfect color,,, and finally went to white.
onward, ho! as best we can, trusting our Higher Power to take up the slack,
amanda
-- Edited by amanda2u2 at 18:17, 2006-02-18
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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
i was like a pendulum, either far to the left--- or bent all the way to the right--- never balanced in the middle
i discovered in the 4th step, how compulsive i was-- like either not touching a project or overdoing it
i saw it creep into my house redecorating here....now last weekend i was ok, willing to "space it out" (work) but this weekend, i nearly burned out, trying to do too much in one day, and i realized that i need more meets/ sharing/ step work cuz i could see the old "extreme--compulsive--all or nothing" patterns creep in...thanks for reminder.... hugs/ rosie
My words for this stuff is OCD, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. About two years ago, I found eBay, and watched as my OCD kicked in, loved bidding, and was very compulsive about being the winning bid, studied how bidding was done, reseached how the winning bidders did it, on and on. Well, I got that down, and became the winner bidder, on everything I bid on, I think that was my goal, what did i win, A whole bunch of _____!!!
So when maybe my tenth item arrived in the mail, broken of course, I had to look at my behavior, and just stop the whole thing. Did stop, and that was that. But it was the bahavior that I got to keep, my dysfunctional behavior that needs to be addressed all the time. I have to make sure I don't "hook" onto things. People, Places and Things.
I need a Higher Power to intervien in all of my affairs.
So thanks for the Post, helped with my attitude today.
I've always had a "touch" of OCD, since getting sober, it's gotten worse. Mine consists of things like checking the laundry room 3-4 or 5 times to make sure I've turned off the iron before I leave the house........another biggie is checking my purse to make sure I have my keys before I shut the door!! Not so big, but still there, I count things!
Since we've opened this door I Googled it, and here's what I found:
Symptoms and Signs of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) Doctors diagnose OCD when obsessions (thoughts you can't control) or compulsions (actions you can't control) start to:
Take up more than one hour a day
Cause the person to become very upset
Get in the way of activities of daily life
Some common OCD symptoms include: Obsessions
Thoughts about contamination or germs
Doubts about safety, doing harm, or being harmed
A need for order/tidiness, to have things "just right"
Fear of making mistakes
Fear of acting in a socially improper way
Compulsions
Repeating actions, such as hand-washing
Checking and rechecking that something has been done
Arranging objects over and over
Counting/repeating
Collecting objects and feeling unable to throw them away
-- Edited by Doll at 17:07, 2006-02-19
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* We eventually realize that just as the pains of alcoholism had to come before sobriety, emotional turmoil comes before serenity. *
Had to laugh, check my back door at least one extra time each night, check to see if the stove is off, maybe more than once. Do check to make sure I have my keys too, (that one is not a bad one in my opinion, for those of us that have locked ourselves out of our houses) Extra key is what others always tell me, hide it somewhere, sounds like a good plan, one that I have not done to date, I just keep checking my purse twice, before I go out.
Love the Article on OCD, not all of them but on a few of them, I could say, yep, yep, yep!
Oh Well, if we do this stuff sober, we can't get a DUI for checking twice for keys, can we?
And the one about washing hands often, I don't get that as OCD, I wash my hands everytime I come home from being out, and having contact with others.... .. .. .That's also what they recommend these days, to avoid catching others germs. Right????? I guess the difference is I only wash them once. I do not come home and wash them 45 times. HaHa.
This is little picture of ME today, and what I am really hungry for today is some Spiritual Nutrition.
Love, Toni (What Step am I on??? Good Question...to be Continued...........Maybe what I need to use my OCD on is Working the Steps....in Order................
