It is hard to let go of some resentments. Getting better at it involves some intense work on self. If you believe the world is a place where you get punished and other people don't, you will be resentment prone. Hence, this work we do on gratitude and faith...that is what helps us change our thinking patterns so we don't even cop resentments as much. Hope this helps. In my first couple years I still had resentments that I had trouble praying away and letting go of. It took me changing more so that I don't even perceive resentments in the first place (as much...I am not perfect obviously and I still catch some resentments).
__________________
Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
Thank you. Even reading my book, called forgiving and moving on I read it sounds great but when stuff comes back up I'll still be looking for justafication from something 3 years ago! insanity.
I had problems with some particular resentments early in sobriety ... issues that never seem to be resolved (to my satisfaction) ...
My sponsor said to concentrate on exactly what the Serenity Prayer is about and learn to become 'sincere' when repeating it ... he said it doesn't work if you simply 'go through the motions', ... you must come to believe it and mean it ... he said to use it as a reminder of your 'acceptance' of 'how things are' ... use it as a reminder of things in the past are just that, 'the past' ... use it as a reminder of exactly what you 'can and cannot' do to change things ... use it as a reminder of needing God's help to changes things (primarily, ME) ... and use it as a reminder that I do not have 'all wisdom' in all things and that I need help in knowing when to 'let go' and move on knowing that I have turned thing over to Him/Her who has 'all knowledge' of all things ...
Resentments were just issues I refused to let go of ... I couldn't correct the issues even if I wanted to, it was just the way things were/are ... my sponsor asked ,... why beat yourself up over something you cannot do anything about ??? ... 'Let Go' he said ... no since in making yourself miserable unless that's what you choose to do ...
So, over a lot of prayers and 'forgiveness' where needed, I finally was able to leave that crap behind and move forward ... Each beginning of each day is a 'new beginning' for us ... a chance to share our ESH with anyone who is in need ...
Love ya and God Bless, Pappy
__________________
'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
It takes a little time with patience and tolerance. Two things I did not have much of at first. Talking about it helps. Also I know for me fatigue from a good exercise for 1 hour cleared everything in my head and relieves a lot of stress.
Who really knows? It could be fate, karma, a coincidence possibly, or something more powerful. It may even be divinely related, like some sort of cosmic message or spiritual encounter. I guess in some ways, it was, whether it's coincidental or not. The beauty of not knowing makes the journey more inviting and the valley more discerning. In most cases, a loss of something greater, like a job or two would be reason enough to quit, but not me. I had to go through the valley of despair numerous times before I finally gave in. After that, it became more of a question of 'if' and not so much 'why'.
There are a few things we need to consider before we jump to any conclusions, like are these issues related to an ongoing resentment? How about blanket perceptions, does that affect our overall demeanor? These are just a few examples that come to mind even before we weigh the pros and cons. How about personal accountability, or less serious offences like extenuating circumstances? Do we need to consider these options as well before we place the blame somewhere else? It sounds logical to me. I guess it all boils down to one single component, accountability. It's how we separate the men from the boys. Any form of exclusivity, however, whether its favoritism or prejudicial, is in fact an excuse onto itself. It casts a shadow of doubt on our own misgivings while attempting to justify the unjustifiable. It's a catch 22 anyway we look at it. So how do we level the playing field? Good question. The first place we must search is within ourselves. After that, it's more of a quest if anything. What I don't understand, however, is the level of severity associated with this type of thinking. These thoughts are one thing, yes, but to what degree is beyond me. Nevertheless, I still remain confident despite my lack of enthusiasm.
So what changed, personally? Good question. I would like to say things like, long standing resentments, personal anguish and the occasional burst of anger or two, but that would be misleading. If anything, it felt more like a gradual shift in thinking then a sudden leap of faith. Now that I think about it, there's no such thing as a perfect transition into reasonable living, even with the proper attitude. It takes years of constant practice to develop this sort of understanding, and it is something we need to work on every single day. So to say I'm completely resolved of my old ways is erroneous to say the least. Best case scenario, I can find a way to live with myself despite the usual fanfare. If that's possible, all is well.
Anyway, I hope you can achieve a level of understanding that makes perfect sense, whether it's through therapy, unconditional love or even working the 12 steps. It's been a game changer for me and maybe for you as well. One could only hope. Onward.
-- Edited by Mr_David on Friday 10th of October 2014 11:23:47 PM
Sometimes no matter what I do I still say, well you did this or that. How come you never get punished