What would a person look for in a sponsor? What expectations?

tlcstuff2005 · Veteran Member

What would a person look for in a sponsor? What expectations?

vickieh69 · Newbie

Its what YOU need to be successful in your recovery. Remain honest with yourself, open to a variety and willing to go to any length to achieve sobriety/recovery. I recently switched sponsors after being with mine for approximately 4 months. I needed more contact then she was able to provide. I learned what will not work for me. I need someone to hold me accountable and call me on my bad behavours daily. The break-up, so to speak, went well. She even told me she was just thinking that morning that I should get my new sponsor as my sponsor. So my old sponsor felt it as well. Look for that person who is practicing the principles every day. The one who emits peace and serenity. The one that makes you say "I want what they have."

davep12and12 · MIP Old Timer

What worked for me was to look for someone who:

- had been sober for several years,

- and who had lots of experience with all 12 steps,

- and who had a degree of serenity and sanity in his life that I wanted in mine,

- and who was willing to show me how he did it.

At first, we got together for one-on-one meetings quite often, a few times a week, usually just before or just after a meeting.

Now that I've been sober many years and have worked all 12 steps, I still get together with my sponsor, just not as often.

When looking for a sponsor it's also important to pay attention to what people are saying when they are in the meeting, and then pay attention to whether they are really living the way they talk. For example, if someone sounds like 'Captain Serenity' when they talk in a meeting, but then they gossip about others after the meeting and like to engage in road rage while driving, you should probably keep looking...

I encourage you to read some AA literature about sponsorship to learn what a sponsor is, and just as important, what a sponsor is NOT. They can help us learn about the steps and the fellowship of AA. They are not a marriage counselor, financial advisor, legal aid service, or medical doctor.

Info is here:

http://www.aa.org/assets/en_US/p-15_Q&AonSpon.pdf

-- Edited by davep12and12 on Monday 6th of October 2014 12:13:45 AM

Tanin · MIP Old Timer

There can be a few important things to consider, tlc. Definitely, try to check out the AA pamphlet on Sponsorship. I find it to be VERY useful to both sponsee and sponsor. Maybe also check some threads here about sponsorship, such as:

http://aa.activeboard.com/t50146639/sponsorship-pamphlet/

justadrunk · MIP Old Timer

Someone sober who you feel could be a person you can begin to practice trusting.

-- Edited by justadrunk on Monday 6th of October 2014 06:49:01 AM

pinkchip · MIP Old Timer

Ideally someone to guide you through the steps....that is their primary job. Now...if they wind up being a mentor or a friend in addition...that's just gravy. I would look for someone who has qualities you aspire to.

Pythonpappy · MIP Old Timer

Great posts on sponsorship already ... the only thing I can think of is to suggest you start ASAP with a sponsor and take it day by day ... some work out, some don't ...

For me, I was with my sponsor for a couple years until I felt deep down, that my 'spirituality' had surpassed his, then I found a new sponsor in order to 'continue' my own personal growth ... that has worked well, for me ...

tlcstuff2005 · Veteran Member

Thank you, Thank you, thank you all for your time and experience -