Hi, My name is Brian and Im an Alcoholic. Ive been attending meetings for a while and I want to win. Booze really turned me into a person that was just awful all around, and I don't want that. I once had a really good life and I dont have that right now. Im doing my best to stay sober and Im trying to beat this thing. I really want a good life and I'm not into anything sick or negative. I used to be a real clean cut, good guy, but alcohol turned me into a total nutcase. I dont enjoy drinking anymore and I dont enjoy being around people that do. I find whenever im around booze, there is no real enjoyment in the people. I really want to win and have a good life. Ive done many meetings, I read big book, and Im staying sober trying to carry the message. But I still feel like im a real sicko, and I dont want that. I feel like I'm never gonna get anywhere if I stay on this road, and I want so much more and I am totally up to sacrificing alcohol to have that. Any suggestions?
Ill Add that what I mean is I want to be a truly GOOD person, I want to win and I want to beat this, and Im willing to do what it takes. I don't want anything negative, evil in disguise, or sick, I truly want to win and be a good person. I used to be.
Have you got sponsor? Do you work the Steps? We can't beat the alcohol. We are powerless and our llives are unmanageable. With the Program we stop fighting with anything and anyone, even alcohol. You are talking about what you want. Everything that I want - it is my selfishness and self-centeredness. My disires are killing me, because they make expectiations. I can be free person only by working the Steps and especially be ready God to remove my character defects which are blocking me from Him. Only Higher Power can restore my sanity.
This is inspiring Brian. I guess what you're looking for is already inside... you just haven't realized it yet. I made a list of the principles I would live by, and then just starting living them. If I messed up, I just forgave myself (because one of the principles was forgiving) and kept moving forward, trying to stay in the moment. I believe in you :)
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Thanks for everything. Peace and Love on your journey.
Thankyou for all the replies. Yes I am a good person, I just am getting "Well". I just turned 29 and IM thinking a lot about my future. I want to make sure IM set up right and its not a dark road like others Ive seen. Thanks for all the replies, everyone in this fellowship[ helps keep the light in my life.
If you work the program in earnest, you will see results. It takes time and consistent effort. We typically do not arrive at AA at our peak functioning. We spent a long time sabotaging ourselves. You can only do your best today. If you stayed sober and tried to progress with you program as best you could for today...you are already a winner for today in my book. Most alcoholics do not even progress as far as you are at now.
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Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
How does someone become a winner? It's simple. Once you make an important decision, whatever it may be, you're automatically a successful person. You're in that rare group of people who know where they are going. After that, it's nothing more than a course of action. We 'choose a path' that makes real sense and then stick with it. It's how we become successful.
-- Edited by Mr_David on Saturday 27th of September 2014 02:27:18 PM
Hi BW, ... your post reminded me of a section in the BB that sez:
Yet we had been seeing another kind of flight, a spiritual liberation from this world, people who rose above their problems. They said God made these things possible, and we only smiled. We had seen spiritual release, but liked to tell ourselves it wasn't true. Actually we were fooling ourselves, for deep down in every man, woman, and child, is the fundamental idea of God. It may be obscured by calamity, by pomp, by worship of other things, but in some form or other it is there. For faith in a Power greater than ourselves, and miraculous demonstrations of that power in human lives, are facts as old as man himself. We finally saw that faith in some kind of God was a part of our make-up, just as much as the feeling we have for a friend. Sometimes we had to search fearlessly, but He was there. He was as much a fact as we were. We found the Great Reality deep down within us. In the last analysis it is only there that He may be found. It was so with us. ... pg 55
You truly want to be a GO(O)D person just like most the rest of us ... THAT feeling is deep down inside us all ... we just have to learn to let 'that' person rise to the surface ... AA did that for me as long as I followed the suggestions rigorously ... now, it seems the only 'natural' way to act and behave ...
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'Those who leave everything in God's hand will eventually see God's hand in everything.'
Birth death divorce or marriage we don't lift the first drink. That's the basics. Meetings, join a group, find a sponsor to help you through the programme. You are getting more well every day and the winner, the good person inside you will surface.
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It's not having what you want, it's wanting what you got. BB
