Not that I want to post negative things on here, but I just need to vent. I dont think I have said this before but my husband has Crohns disease. He is really struggling with it and has been for quite some time. He is a manager at a restaurant and it is physically very demanding. I am in direct sales and have my own business. It's not taking off as fast as either of us would have liked and it's really taking its toll on him. I have the opportunity to make great money with my business and I know the reason I'm not where I want to be is because of drinking. The plan was to have him completely retired my December and I just dont see that happening now. I feel like I have let him down so much. I also dont know if I have said this before, but he doesn't think I have an alcohol problem and doesn't even know that I have quit drinking. He just texted me and said, I know things have been stressful lately, why dont you go out for awhile tonight and see your friends. Ugh...its so hard not to want to go. The thoughts start in my mind like, well I could go and just have 1 or 2. But I know that's not what will happen. For those of you that pray, please say a prayer for me today that I will find the courage and strength to keep moving forward. I keep telling myself, one day at a time. Just dont drink today. Just dont drink today.
rtc....I had to protect myself from any situation which involved a potential for me to drink again. I wasn't crazy about having to avoid others who drank. I wanted to be able to be around them. It was painful for me. I had to weigh the positives against the negatives. I really and truly wanted to change my life and in order for me to do that, I had to change the way I did things. You are too early in sobriety and it is my opinion that you would be taking a huge risk if you go to a place where there is alcohol served, where your friends are going to drink and during a time you are feeling stressed because of situations in your life right now. I am sorry to hear about your husband's disease. I have a cousin who has Crohn's Disease. She was diagnosed with it at a fairly young age years ago. It has been tough for her, however, she has learned to live with it. I wouldn't worry about your husband not thinking you have a problem. If you think you have a problem, that is really all that matters. His denial is not your denial, however it can prevent you from helping yourself if you listen to it. For someone to tell a person who is trying to get help, which you are doing, for their alcoholism to go out to a place where alcohol will be served, to me, that is someone who hasn't a clue about this disease and/or someone who is for some reason is feeling threatened themselves by that person trying very hard to stay sober.
I do believe in the power of prayer and will continue to keep you in my prayers. I have been praying for you and the other newcomers on this board everyday.
You'll be fine, rtc, if you stay focused on how much you really do want to change your life for the better.
BTY
Thank you so much. I needed to hear that. My husband has no idea that I'm trying to quit drinking so he didn't realize what he was saying when he told me to go see some friends. I know he would be supportive, but I also feel like me telling him would bring more stress to him. I did tell my sister. Her fiance is the one who was just in the hospital for 5 days to detox. She is being very supportive and told me I can with them to meetings anytime I want. I told her I would love to go with her.
It's not taking off as fast as either of us would have liked and it's really taking its toll on him. I have the opportunity to make great money with my business and I know the reason I'm not where I want to be is because of drinking.
It dooesn't matter what anyone else thinks of your drinking problem Ready....It's what you think of it. I think you should go out with some friends tonight.....New friends. Have you looked up any meetings close to you that might be meeting this afternoon?....Or tonight? We not only have to be willing to do anything.....We have to follow that with some action.
I know when I started out....I had to honestly ask myself....What am I going to do different this time?...From the many previous failed attempts I'd had at quitting before. And then I had to do it. It worked....Because I let people help me and I worked for it.
My suggestion....You can take it or leave it. Pray for the courage to go....And have faith you will get it. You won't regret it.
I really hope you'll take every opportunity you can find to go to an A.A. meeting....and, do that as soon as possible. Glad to hear that your sister is supportive for you. It might be a good idea to tell your husband what you're trying to do, and explain to him what alcohol has been doing to you. Ask God for help! He'll definitely be there for you because He loves you, and He always has. Hope we'll hear from you very soon. We're here to lend a hand.
I decided I'm not going to let my conversation with my husband get me down. I think we are all stressed and need to have some fun. So this is what he will be coming home to, lol
I did tell my sister... She is being very supportive and told me I can go with them to meetings anytime I want. I told her I would love to go with her.
Well, there's your answer right there. Going to your first meeting all by yourself, not knowing anybody there, can be pretty nerve wracking (but that's still not a good reason to avoid going either). But since you have someone who already knows you are getting sober, and who is willing to actually go with you in support, I strongly encourage you to take advantage of this wonderful opportunity and get to an AA meeting with your sister right away. A few suggestions:
Get there a few minutes early. You'll be more comfortable than if you walk if late, after the meeting has started.
Some people are more comfortable if they have something to do, so you could ask the folks there if they need any help setting up chairs, making coffee, etc.
Take the opportunity to tell them you are new and need some information. Tell them you need a meeting directory and some AA literature and an AA "Big Book".
During the meeting, listen to what the people are saying. When you are brand new, some of it may not make much sense yet, but don't worry about that.
If you hear someone say things that you really like and identify with, after the meeting consider asking that person what other meetings they go to, and then when you go to those meetings you will already know someone there.
Remember - you are among friends who really do want to help you, just as others had helped them when THEY were new.
Please - Do not try to do this on your own. Take that first step and get the help and support that is waiting for you in the meetings.
-- Edited by davep12and12 on Monday 30th of June 2014 03:48:51 PM
-- Edited by davep12and12 on Monday 30th of June 2014 03:50:16 PM
You've gotten good advice in my opinion and the water balloons are a perfectly good (albeit momentary) respite from negative thoughts. I'm just touching base to let you know that you are in my thoughts and I'm over here silently supporting you.
Just my opinion: You need to have this talk with your husband. After years of you making excuses and stating how much going to the bar relaxes/helps....whatever...I'm sure he has developed enabling tendencies and doesn't know better.
When I got sober, I was honest and up front about it with everyone I cared about. It was a full surrender. Not having that conversation with your husband to me equates with wanting to reserve the right to change your mind.
Besides, you will stress him out far more with bad health, financial problems, and all the other issues that come with ongoing alcoholism.
I believe you have a short window of time here in which you need to follow through on going to that meeting (and then going regularly). This is a very cunning, baffling, and deadly disease. If you wait any longer to follow through with AA, you will probably convince yourself you can do it without meetings and this will all be one of those "going on the wagon" things that won't last.
__________________
Keep coming back. It works if you work it. So work it. You're worth it!
