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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Alcoholics Anonymous -> Alcoholics Anonymous -> Hate
Post Info TOPIC: Hate
Enigma


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Hate
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Well as many of you know I have quite the resentment for the former wife. I've been praying daily for a God to give me the willingness to forgive. Today I woke up and just couldn't be a hater no more no matter how I tried. I'm actually able to seperate the person from the action and love her unconditionally. I get really see her as another sick friend and pray for her. I guess at some point you just got to give up surrender let it go. If you can't beat em join them it certainly is the easier softer way. For the first time I was able to focus all my attention onto my 13 yo son who is struggling. I was there for him outside of my self centered self and was able to be emotionally supportive. He spend yesterday and today with me. What a blessing and am extremely grateful. Next week I'm taken him again for the weekend and we are going deep sea fishing. Id be lying if I said I was looking foward to it and excited. But I want to pull myself back and keep it in today. This is possible only cause I didn't drink today.

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Enigma


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Wasn't looking foward to it. Typo. I can't wait.

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ready_to_change


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I'm so happy that you are able to spend some quality time with your son. I too have had my problems with being able to forgive certain people in my past. But I just can't go on with all this anger and hatred in my heart. I wish you all the best with your search for peace and I hope you have a wonderful time fishing with your son

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Stepchild


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That's awesome.

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Pythonpappy


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Sounds like real solid change for the better Enigma, ... good job ... turning things over wasn't easy for me ... but when I finally did, life was so much easier on me ... again, thank God and this program ...



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Mike D


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Many years ago I had a deep and abiding hatred for my physically and mentally abusive step-mom.  I didn't want to forgive her, or let it go, but between a thorough 4th Step inventory, and the story "Freedom from Bondage" in the back of the Big Book, I finally became convinced that I must forgive her in order to save my sorry butt.  What the inventory showed me is that, at some point along the way, I had stopped seeing her as a human being, and I had relegated her to the ranks of "sub-human".  Once I gave her back her humanity, I could forgive her with little effort.

Had that not happened...I wouldn't be here talking to any of you today.

Blessings...Mike D.



-- Edited by Mike D on Monday 30th of June 2014 04:38:41 PM

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Mike D


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Good job Enigma.  That's great stuff.  Thanks for the post.



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Zoomtopz


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Know where you are coming from Enigma .

I like what Mike has put , but even with that , even after 35yrs??

A couple of weeks ago my eldest daughter mentioned something about her mother .

I replied "Do what I have done for the last 35yrs ,Pray for her"  . Yes I have let it go , yes

I have got over it , but I know not what her agenda is . IF I Could then I Would be Willing

to forgive her . I have always seen her "as a sick cookie" when I got to AA , I heard a New

cliche' "The rescuer becomes the victim's victim" . As it says says in step 9 "Except when to

do so Would injure" yes , if I were to approach her & even hint at forgiving her . Would bring

up the past . In this case . It IS Best left where it is . So when she has her 'snide remarks' at me ,

I just pray for her .



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Rick.

@ 37 I was too young & good looking to be an alkie.

still too young , still got th good looks. still n alkie.
Zoomtopz


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I still keep in touch with my kids on Facebook , but have not seen them since 2000.

It just happened that way . Anyway , after th x bit , I mentioned  my son(their 1/2brother)

was down & we were going to be in Sydney , did they want a "meet up" . Yes .

Well the arrangements were made & we got together at my youngest daughters place .

I have 8 grandchildren . It was the 1st time They had been introduced to me as their

grandfather , out of th 6 that were there , I had not met 3 of them .

I was SO over th moon . as you could imagine it was like a knife going in AND a big twist

whilst in my heart . Yes It HURT to see th x's husband sign "poppy" in posts on fb .

Now it has a lesser impact that they acknowledge me as their biological "Poppy"

You see I dropped "Grand-Pa" years ago after a casual post on fb . I had nearly

forgotten what th x was like with her "long knives"

What I am getting at here Enigma , is - I for went seeing my kids . To keep the peace .

I was not even told about their weddings , let about , being invited to their weddings

But for 3hrs in an afternoon . Made up for all of th lost time



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Rick.

@ 37 I was too young & good looking to be an alkie.

still too young , still got th good looks. still n alkie.
Jerry F


MIP Old Timer

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What I learned was that resentment was like a leash that someone, place or thing held and which they used to control me and lead me around all of the time to places I never wanted to be at times I never wanted to be there.  So it was like being owned and I don't like being owned by anyone.  I Hated and hated being owned by hatred so I just had to learn how to "Let go and let God, and Turn it over.   Hating is an option not a must.  There are alternatives to Hate and one of the best ones for me is unconditional acceptance which is my definition today of love.  It works when you work it and then of course that is also an option isn't it?    Keep coming back.  smile



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Angell


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Jerry F wrote:

 

 

What I learned was that resentment was like a leash that someone, place or thing held and which they used to control me and lead me around all of the time to places I never wanted to be at times I never wanted to be there.  So it was like being owned and I don't like being owned by anyone.  I Hated and hated being owned by hatred so I just had to learn how to "Let go and let God, and Turn it over.   Hating is an option not a must.  There are alternatives to Hate and one of the best ones for me is unconditional acceptance which is my definition today of love.  It works when you work it and then of course that is also an option isn't it?    Keep coming back.  smile

Master Pao to young Kwai Chang Caine:

"Hatred is a chain connecting you to the object of your hatred.  Cut the chain on your end." 



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