We made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. Step Nine of the Twelve Steps

Step Nine is an example of the wisdom implicit in the Twelve Steps. Eastern religions often called such wisdom skillful means. Wisdom is not a mere motto or Scripture quote in the head, but a practical, best, and effective way to actually get the job done!

Jesus was a master of teaching skillful means, especially in his Sermon on the Mount, and in many of his parables and one-liners. He was constantly teaching us and showing us how to be fully human, which somehow is to be divine! To follow him is to imitate him in his combining of humanity and divinity.

Step Nine is telling us how to use skillful means to both protect our own humanity and to liberate the humanity of others. It says that our amends to others should be directthat is, specific, personal, and concrete. Jesus invariably physically touched people when he healed them. It is a face-to-face encounter, although usually difficult, that does the most good in the long run.

Insightfully, Step Nine includes except when to do so would injure them or others. One often needs time, discernment, and good advice from others before one knows how to apologize or make amends in a proper way. If not done skillfully, an apology can actually make the problem and the hurt worse. You need to pray and discern about what the other needs to hear and also has the right to hear and can handle responsibly. Even sincere people can do a lot of damage with information that they are not prepared to handle.

Thanks to the spirituality of the Twelve Steps, people are hopefully more prepared to handle an addicts efforts to make amends. Now we can see addiction as a spiritual illness, rather than a moral failure or lack of willpower. What we call addiction is what the New Testament called possession. Following the example of Jesus the healer, the unfree sufferer should be met with empathy and love (albeit sometimes tough love), rather than blame and shame and punishment. Then they will feel safer to open to the only cure for possession: re-possession by the One who alone meets our deepest desires!

Adapted from Breathing Under Water: Spirituality and the Twelve Steps,
pp. 75-81 (also available as CD audiobook)

and Emotional Sobriety: Rewiring Our Programs for Happiness
(CD, DVD, MP3 download)

Gateway to Silence:
God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.