To be honest....(and isn't that what all of us recovering alcoholics should always do to be successful in this program?).....I hated this AA slogan!
"Stick with the winners!", I thought, how horrible that human beings, and especially sick alcoholics, are divided into two categories--"winners" and "losers". Oh, I don't think that "losers" is actually implied. Although my knowledge of the Big Book is growing, I don't know everything in it, nor will I, unfortunately. I am pretty sure that is what this message implies.
I even posted on this board several months ago about my dissatisfaction about this slogan.
Since that time, however, I have learned quite a bit. My ears have opened more, as have my eyes. I have been to quite a few meetings and had the opportunity to talk and be around so many alcoholics. I have been around the ones who are optimistic and fun to be around. Quite a few are on this board, so it hasn't been just a face-to-face thing for me. I feel like I "know" many of the people on here just by daily "conversations" on this board. I feel blessed to be so fortunate as to have had this experience. I have enjoyed hearing about how the program is working in their lives and eagerly await their next post. Although my memory retention is still not all that great, I am like a sponge in my eagerness to soak up everything I can about this program as others pour out their experiences.
Because of the varied personality types in AA and the issue we are all dealing with, there will be times when disagreements will happen. That is true out of the rooms as well. I have mentioned on here that being a people pleaser was very important to me in the past. And yes, I know that is a trait of an ACOA, like me. (Which by the way, I did read a book on ACOA early in my recovery and have had to refocus my attention and energy totally on AA.). After being in this program, and having a wonderful sponsor who has been patient with me and guided me through the Steps, I have noticed my attitudes have changed and my old belief system has changed. I don't have the desire to please everyone and realize even if I did, that is impossible and it wouldn't be a good thing even if it were possible. To please one person--another would get offended. No one thinks the same, acts the same, reacts the same, etc. We may all be alcoholics, with similar characteristics, but we are still individuals with many different characteristics as well.
And that is all okay. The good thing is that I have FINALLY realized that this is MY life. No one else's. I can make MY choices which no one else has the right to do for me. As long as my HP, who is God for me, is happy, I'm happy.
I now know what that slogan means--at least this is what it means to me..."Stick with the winners" :"winners" means listen, watch, associate with, follow, etc. the people in AA who are working the program--who have a sponsor, are working or have worked the Steps, whose attitudes and outlooks are ones I admire and want to be more like. They have the desire to help other alcoholics and are very active in AA and do more than just attend meetings. They have the ability to share what it is like for them without preaching or ordering me what I need/have to do. In meeting shares, they frequently use the word "me" referring to themselves, rather than "you" (referring to others). They don't use a (mental/verbal) "ruler" to smack me with when they think I have done something wrong. They don't have the need to put me down just to build themselves up. They are kind and treat others as they would like to be treated. They "teach" me by behaving in a respectful manner to others in the rooms (or on this board). They have not tried to 13th Step me because of their own warped and perverted agenda. They are like the "role models" in AA and ones who I want to be like. I have noticed that people who are "winners" in AA also "glow".....I want to glow, too! I think it may because they didn't just go to meetings, get a sponsor, work the Steps and that is it. I think it is because they continue to live the program and have made the program as important a part of their life as food and water and they are truly happy folks! It is like instead of wearing their feelings on their sleeves (from insecurity--which I still do :( sometimes): , they wear their bursting happy hearts not only on the inside, they wear it on the outside as well and display it for all to see.
As for the "L" word which is just the opposite of "winners" .....well, I must still have a little trouble with that, because I am having trouble typing it right now. I will say that I think it is people in AA who are the total opposite of the things I have listed above.....enough said about that.
So I have chosen to "Stick with the winners" in AA. There are quite a few "winners" on this board and I just want to say a big "THANK YOU" to them. No need for names, they know who they are because they are happy and working a good program and I can feel the warmth and love they share.
I am hoping that eventually, the more I learn and grow in AA, I will be a "winner" myself. And God willing, not only will my "ears" and "eyes" be more open, hopefully my heart and my mind will be as well. And maybe in time I will "glow" too!
BTY
-- Edited by betterthanyesterday52 on Thursday 12th of June 2014 09:33:27 PM
-- Edited by betterthanyesterday52 on Thursday 12th of June 2014 09:34:17 PM
It took me a few years to figure that one out. I thought that everyone, and I mean EVERY one sitting around the table was on a pedestal. The women were heroines, the men nothing less that gods. To me, hearing "I've been sober 2 weeks" was such a miracle to me. I didn't have a lot of discernment. And wore my self down trying to be that people pleaser you mentioned. I remember the utter shock of discovering that some of these people that I had sitting on a cloud were (gasp!) as human and character flawed as I was! But THEY knew what to do about it. Like you, I listened. A lot. I did not say anything more than Hi my name is Chris and I'd read the steps if asked. A whole year I didn't speak, I was in such awe, and I just knew that whatever I said would be stupid compared to them. But gosh, eventually I did learn the difference. Who was working a program that truly worked inside and out. Who followed up with actions. Who were the ones that called or dropped by if I missed a meeting. I had to get thru my own fog before I could tell the difference between W and L. Listening to my sponsor helped guide me also. She was a very wise woman, and I miss her greatly. To this day, I'll cock my head up and wait to hear her advise on something I'm unsure of. The winners stick out, you see it in their eyes, you can tell that they walk their talk. It just took me a bit longer than most to bring it all together. So you're getting there a lot faster than I did, believe me. Now? I have to keep an eye on my watch so I shut up before I put others to sleep. Keep it up!
If you have decided you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it-then you are ready to take certain steps.
BB pg 58
That says it all for me.....I've come to find out there are a lot of people IN AA...And there are some that DO AA. I wanted what THEY had....So I did what THEY did. That's a great post BTY...Stick with the WE. Absolutely nothing wrong with that. I recommend it!
I like this topic very much. Very early in sobriety I found myself drawn to certain meetings where there were certain people who always had a smile on their face, and plenty of practical wisdom to share with those of us who were new at the time. They were the winners who were actually working the Steps in the Big Book, and they became an example for me. When I saw it working in them, I knew it would work for me too.
