Buried resentments are difficult to escape, but there is always grace. With God's help, spiritual healing is possible. Whenever the pain of life becomes too much for you, turn immediately to Him. He may seem to ask the impossible, but hHs words supply the healing balm of wisdom, a wisdom that will soften the wound with oil.
· First, admit that you have been deeply hurt and that you are angry. Don’t go into denial about it. Repressed anger will only cause more distress.
· Second, accept the fact that you must treat your wounds in order for them to heal.
· And third, decide to treat them by doing what God asked of you—namely forgive the other person whether you feel like it or not.
To forgive is to turn off the furnace that fuels the resentment. Once that is done, all you need to do is wait patiently. Time heals all wounds.
Forgiveness is in the will. You don’t have to have good feelings toward the person when you forgive him or her. Good feelings will come in time.
Forgive the person as an act of obedience God — blind faith in the power of God will enable you to heal.
You don’t have to face the person who hurt you. You can do this spiritually—that is, by simply approaching that person in your imagination. Forgive him or her in the privacy of your own heart.
Some bitterness may linger for a time, but if that happens say a short prayer for the person each time. This will serve as a sign to you that you have decided to forgive and forget.
It is far better to forgive and forget than to resent and remember.
thanksfor that illkeep inmindthis weekend thereare alot of people that i need to forgive including myself so i guess ill be fullof prayer.ok guys im in saryacus ny halfway home dont know when illbe on again butt ill e thinking of all of you and youre kindness in my time of need thanks a gain see you all latter benny
Thanks for a great post Doll, I know I have my share of people to forgive. I don't blame anyone directly for my problems, I know it's me, but there were other factors involved, and maybe if just 1 person in my life when I was younger had had a good talk with me, and given me some hard facts, I might have made some different choices. At least now people are more open about alcoholism, not like when I was a teenager. My 16 year old knows a lot more about the dangers of drinking and drugs than when I was his age. Have a good night!
Amen! We alcoholics can't afford to get into negativity. It's like alcohol to us, it is hard for us to be just a little negative and then stop,, we go on whole binges of it. One of the greatest aspects of my recovery is learning how to let things go.
love in recovery,
amanda
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do your best and God does the rest, a step at a time
It is far better to forgive and forget than to resent and remember.
that was a good share, doll, and this is my take only, i am human, it is IMPOSSIBLE for me as a human to "forget"....however with my assailant, i will never think "good things for evil" i HAVE come to the point where, i no longer curse/ condem him becuz he did that to himself--- he wrote himself out of the book of life-- so it is a TOTAL waste of my time/ energy to hate/condemn someone whom god already took care of-- that is why there is hell--- give it to god, and TRUST that the universal creator has a place for people who murder the life of a child , whether physically and/or mentally-emotionally
i have reached the point in my recovery, where i now think it is an insult to me, to harbor hate for him and take that space in my heart away from my love for me and my higher power.....how can i love me/hp when i am full of hate for something of the darkness???? it is not possible-- i must spend my time on one of two things--- hate for him or love for me/hp--- i choose love for me/hp-----
i didn't get to this point over night..i had to curse him/ vent/ cry/ beat the chair with my tennis racquet, visualizing his ugly face...the whole 9 yards...50 plus years of "stored" hate/outrage/grief-- it wasn't going to "go away" over night
i may for the rest of my life, AT times, feel anger, but it no longer dominates my life......it no longer haunts me.....it no longer is my focus........when i feel the anger, i honour it, allow it, accept it, take care of it and move on........
i was able to release it when i found my higher power of my understanding.....i TRULY trust in the fact that God gave him EXACTLY the punishment he deserved and like he says in the bible "vengeance is mine---i SHALL repay"....i came to trust in that!!! its as simple as that-- i got to the point where i could "take my hands of this HUGE boulder weighing me down, and allow the hands of the SOURCE of all things good, to take it off me"
when i think of the perp now it is only in the course of my recovery or if something in the news comes up, or another trigger...than i work the program on it and i deal with it, and i can release me from it....
there IS evil on this earth...i had the horrible mis fortune to be in "harm's way"...thats all....my HP did NOT "visit this on me" its just life--- we share this earth with satan and his demons, and we get "hit"......the demons use WILLING humans to do their destructive dirty work ...my father had a CHOICE......he chose his wicked desires over my life!!!
he chose the darkness.....i chose the light-- i chose to STOP the evil with me, by exposing it, facing it, comming OUT of denial and saying "this is going to STOP with ME becuz i am getting help" getting into recovery, helping others LIKE me, giving LOVE and HOPE rather than misery and destruction........
he no longer runs my life...i run it...i and the God of my understanding.....yes, i do have my bouts with anger and grief, but they no longer are the focus/ center of my life......
i do believe there are SOME things that a human being can be assailed with that he/she does not 100% "get over" ...there is SOME stuff that just "pushes the envelope off the table"
what happened to me went on for too long and it wasn't just "daddy getting carried away with his daughter a few times" it was his forcing me for EIGHT years to do "sick and depraved sex acts" with him AS HE verbally assaulted my mind/emotions/ my soul!!! but i can "get THROUGH" it......i may "walk with a limp" for the rest of my life, however, i CAN live a full and productive and meaningful life becuz i CHOOSE to....
God did NOT want this kind of horrific injury to happen to me......i read the bible recently on the advice of my sponser and i was interested to see that at NO other place does Jesus get quite so forceful is when he talks of the children....he gathered the little ones in his lap and said "better to tie a millstone around ones neck and be dropped into the deepest sea, than to bring harm to a little one" he further says "woe be unto him who causes a little one to stumble" he goes on about the "children" and i see it as the "children being god's temple" and when one is blessed with a child and desecrates that child and even separates him/her from THEIR God--- than i don't want to be in his shoes....
i got some comfort reading that-- that my perpetrator WAS taken care of and what he did to me, our creator allowed him to pay MANY times over for when he died.......and HIS payback will be for eternity...my suffering is only my life time!!!
not to get rambling here, but when he was dying from his cancer, and was in the nursing home, he REFUSED to do his pain meds, becuz he knew that they would hasten his death (body builds up toxicity and death occurs quicker)--- the head nurse told me he was "abnormally TERRIFIED to die" and she couldn't understand WHY a 76 year old man with cancer all in his bones and stomache would be fighting his death SO hard---
my sister told me she sent a pastor from the church to see him and he said to the pastor "it is too late for me" and kinda put a wall up between himself and the clergy man-- like he KNEW he was condemned!!! it was amazing!!! she (my sister) only told me this a few weeks ago......that he was THAT afraid to die, and the thing with the preacher---
now that i have a spirituality , i really feel, he knew the demons were waiting to take him "home to his home" and that was why he was so afraid....when i say afraid to die, he was screaming that he did not want to die!!!! like something inside of him KNEW that what he did to me without ANY remorse, he was getting ready to pay for...
i wasn't going to reply to this post, but i was only recently talking with my sisters about him and how we "know where he went" when he died...and then i see your post
i have come to forgive my mother who enabled him becuz she was his victim too....terrorized---alcoholic---beaten senseless by him all the time----defeated by his evil..he in EVERY sense of the word--MURDERED her!!!! everyone said it!!! ......i can feel pity for her soul...i have prayed for the repose of her soul as i feel god had some empathy for her when she died!!! i can forgive my brother for condemning me for erasing the perp's name off me....i no longer carry his name---i ERASED him name wise as well......just like the jews say of evil "may his name be erased"...well iwent to court and did just that...i have a totally diferent name than when i was born....it was a gift FOR me BY me to help me recover..i wanted and got a CLEAN name .....my brother condemnes me as a traitor for it--- that is his problem not mine--- my other siblings love and support me and so i take what is healthy for me, and i leave the rest--- my brother is NOT in recovery, drinking at LEAST a six pack per night--- making bad karma for himself, and i will work my program/ recover/ find peace/ live a decent life---and go ON...
i no longer have hate/resentment in my heart--- i do have revulsion when i think of my serial child rapist father, but waste my time hating him?? cursing him??? NO!!! i have come to the point where i trust 100% that God took GOOD care of him for me!!!!!
thanks doll, for the post!!! with the exception of stone evil, i think forgiveness, AFTER one works through their pain/rage/grief is something god hopes for
and its funny....in a way i did forgive my perp.....i read in websters dictionary the word "forgiveness" adn it basically said "giving up ones right to punish another......cancelling their debt to you"..........i looked at that and i thought "ok, i WANT god to take care of him cuz he can CERTAINLY do it better than i could......and the cancelling his debt??? well that makes sense cuz he could NEVER reimburse me for the life/love/trust/innocense/ and so on, he robbed me of.....so it behooves me to give his "debt to me" OVER to god.....just TRANSFER the receivable over to GOD's accounts and let it GO!!!! so i did in a way "forgive" him.....i REFUSE to let him dominate my thoughts......i REFUSE to let him cause me to perpetuate evil.......i REFUSE to let him "ruin my day"........
the past few months, i have noticed that i don't really even think of him unless i am answering a post, or i happen to get triggered with something....than i use my program tools....deal.......let GO---let GOD!!!!
sorry, didn't mean to ramble here......thanks for the gr8 stuff, hugs/ rosie
This was really good Doll, can you tell me the source?
I have said many times on the board that forgiveness was such a huge part of my recovery. I would go to my sponsor and say "I need to forgive soandso ". She'd say "What did they do now?" I'd tell her...she'd say are you sure you are ready to forgive that, that's big...?" I'd say , "Yes, I can't afford to let it rent space in my mind or my heart, I'm giving it to God, and you are my witness." I also pray for God to take the hurt, pain, whatever from me and He does over time.
Rosie, you have come along way ...and it will just get better. Time heals so much. Sounds like you have a wise sponsor.
